Adult Children

A mother’s job doesn’t end when her kids grow up. Parenting adult children is complex & wonderful. These articles explore the dynamic relationship from all sides to help mothers thrive in this new role.

10 Secrets Every Mother of the Bride or Groom Should Know

10 Secrets Every Mother of the Bride or Groom Should Know

Your son or daughter just got engaged, and you’ve officially become a MOG or MOB (Mother of the Groom or Mother of the Bride.) Congratulations! Are you excited or freaking out? First things first, take a deep breath and remember that you’ve raised them to be responsible, caring adults—even if they don’t always act like it. Before my son’s wedding, his fiancée was struggling with whether or not to wear a veil, and he looked at her and said, “Whatever it’s going to take to make you feel beautiful on our wedding day.” I was pleasantly surprised at his response and realized I wasn’t a total failure as a mother! Second, it’s easy to get distracted by details, so don’t forget that […]

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How to Show Your Adult Children You Love Them

How to Show Your Adult Children You Love Them

When you held that tiny baby in your arms and your heart overflowed with unconditional love, you probably never thought you would read an article like this. It can be pretty surreal to discover you are the parent of adult children. Your roles have changed for good. They no longer come running to you when they skin their knees, or someone calls them a name at school. They are adults. Full grown, mature adults. With the dynamics in your relationship changing, it can sometimes be hard to know what the rules are. If you can’t phone their work to give their boss heck for being so mean to them, how will they ever know you love them? It actually isn’t complicated, but

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Parenting Adult Children: When to Speak Up and When to Shut Up

Parenting Adult Children: When to Speak Up and When to Shut Up

So, your children aren’t children anymore. When did they grow up and become adults anyway? Often, that depends on us as parents. Do we allow them to grow up, or do we hold them back by rescuing and enabling? It’s a hard realization, but if they are to become adults, we must see them as adults, and accept that we are parenting grown kids. When they were toddlers, if we had picked them up every time they fell, they would never learn to walk alone. Likewise, as adult children, they would never learn life’s crucial lessons if we were to save them from every fall—nor would they engage in the reflective process required to grow from their mistakes. That doesn’t mean we are

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older woman staring off to the distance with a contemplative face

Empty Nesters, You Have a New Purpose Now

Our “baby” of five kids is just two short weeks away from being 21. It occurs to me that even though he’s living with us temporarily and working, he’s for all intents and purposes grown, though maybe not entirely gone. It also occurs to me that it’s the first time since I became a mother 37 years ago that I’ve felt completely free to do exactly as I please with my time every single day. I haven’t had this kind of freedom since, well, ever. After my college years, there was the teaching job and the wedding and the children who began showing up. After three, I was unable to have any more, so we adopted two, mainly because I couldn’t imagine

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Sending Your Kid to College is Very Much Like Kindergarten

Sending Your Kid to College Is Very Much Like Kindergarten

Several years ago, my oldest child left for college, a large university two hours away. As she prepared for this exciting adventure, I took to pen and paper to express my feelings. The sentiment is likely similar for many who are sending your kid to college, a gap year, the military, or wherever. So, this is for you… To My College-Bound Daughter You are leaving for college in less than two weeks. I knew that this moment was coming, and maybe it was a little denial or perhaps it was genuine thoughts of “it is a long way off…” Either way, now the moment is practically here. and I’m having a mini panic attack. I realize all parents have this moment in

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8 Steps to a Smooth College Transition for You and Your Teen

8 Steps to a Smooth College Transition for You and Your Teen

I sat in the passenger seat of our SUV in the parking garage, hot and exhausted. Sweat from the 112-degree Phoenix summer sun ran down my spine while my eyes stayed glued to the back of my six-foot-tall baby boy walking towards the garage stairs. Time stopped as I watched him pause on the top step. 18 years flew by so quickly. Didn’t we just bring him home from the hospital on a snowy March afternoon? He turned to wave, shooting us a quick smile, then disappearing down the staircase into a new life, a new adventure, a new chapter of his life. But where did that leave me? Some moms might have felt the sting of him walking away. Away from

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Ask Dr. Zoe – How Can I Connect More With My Teen Stepdaughter?

‘Jan’ Asked: How do I even begin to connect with my teen stepdaughter? She is 15-years-old and disrespectful to her mom and me… Having already raised five of my own, I don’t have much patience for her entitlement and laziness. She is involved in many activities like show choir and cheerleading but truly her attitude is horrid… I understand life is not easy and she wants to fit in… The only time she is nice is when she wants me to buy her something. Her mom doesn’t know what to do with her and often gives in because she doesn’t want to fight. My husband has severe health issues and is firm, but quiet… So then she just stays in her room.

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How to Make Your Daughter a Lifelong Friend

How to Make Your Daughter a Lifelong Friend

My mom was an amazing woman who attended college at a time when not many women did—back in the early 40s. I am so grateful to have been raised by this strong-minded woman. She was determined that her three kids would learn a good work ethic, attend church, memorize scripture, and learn to love books. Our reward for helping her clean house every Saturday was a trip to the library. She was into health foods long before it became trendy. No potato chips, sugared cereals, or soft drinks in our home growing up, and we drank our fair share of home-crafted carrot juice. My mother did a lot of things right as a mom, but there were rarely any one-on-one mom/daughter times.

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When Roles Reverse: Caring for Your Aging Parents

When Roles Reverse: Caring for Your Aging Parents

I always thought she would live with us, and I assumed it would involve much resistance. She’d said she never wanted to be a burden to any of her children. But my mother arrived with less dragging of heels than I’d imagined. She had blacked out and hit the floor of the drug store in the tiny town where she lived. The doctor couldn’t seem to determine what was wrong. “Mom, come stay with us,” I urged. “Just until they can figure out what’s causing this.” She finally consented and my husband and I drove over the mountains to pick her up. Mom saw the cardiologist on a Tuesday before Christmas and was outfitted with a heart monitor. I received a call

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I Made a Change—And It Brought My Prodigal HomeLove, Not Judgment, Brought My Prodigal Son Home

I Made a Change—And It Brought My Prodigal Home

This is a story about me and my baby, who’s now 22, and the misery we walked through together to find a love connection. It’s a story of our mutual failure, but it’s a story with a happy ending. I lived the miracle. I watched it change me. And then I watched it change my prodigal son. Stone’s given me permission to tell it with all the sordid details—I love a blank check—but I’ll just hit the lowlights. How the Separation Started In the summers before his junior and senior years of high school, Stone got drunk on our family’s lake vacations. Both years, he also drank at his proms, letting us know his plans beforehand. He was proud he hadn’t drunk

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Sending-Your-Kids-to-College—Separation-Anxiety-or-Blissful-Freedom-

Sending Your Kids to College—Separation Anxiety or Blissful Freedom?

So you’ve just spent hours in the Target dorm room aisles… Shopping for color-coordinated linens and accessories for your daughter’s new dorm room. Or, if it’s your son, you were probably trying to convince him that he actually needs a bedspread to go along with his trunk full of technology (that will absolutely make it into his new “college student man cave”). Now you’ve delivered them, set up their new world, and driven or flown away. You feel the anxiety of their absence. Can they get along without you making sure the laundry is done, the curfew is adhered to, and the insurance is paid? Well, you’ve spent the last 18 years getting them to this point, so the assumption is that

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Ask Dr. Zoe — Why Does God Refuse to Heal My Alcoholic Son?

(Listen to the audio version of this article here.) ‘PetVet’ Asked: I am a 57-year-old mom of a 30-year-old alcoholic son. I feel that I cannot have joy/peace until he finds Christ/sobriety. This has created a loss of hope in me. I know God is all-powerful. I know He can heal him anytime. However, this means that He just chooses not to heal him. To be honest, I am tired. 13 years of hope and disappointment has left me in a pretty deep pit. How can I know God’s promises of an abundant life be true? Where can I find joy? I feel that my life is enduring. And that is it. Dr. Zoe Answered: My heart aches for you on the

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adult children

Navigating Life with Adult Children

A mother’s love doesn’t end when their children grow up. Parenting an adult child is complex and wonderful. These articles explore the dynamic relationship from all sides to help mothers thrive in this new role.   5 Great Reads for Mothers of Adult Children   How to Be a Praying Parent Throughout Your Child’s Life Your children will never stop needing you, and you’ll always be ready to lend a helping hand or some sage advice. But intercessory prayer is a great tool for your children to find their way, both when they’re young and on their own, and this article is packed with sweet anecdotes and important areas to pray over. How to Be a Praying Parent Throughout Your Child’s Life

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grieving our dog revealed the power of family love

Grieving Our Dog Revealed the Power of Family Love

Unlike many families we know, our family, thankfully, has experienced very little death or illness. Our kids have been to less than five funerals in their whole lives, and as their parents, we aren’t too far off of that number either. We’ve lived relatively grief-free for decades. Recently, however, we had to euthanize one of our beloved dogs upon the advice of our veterinarian. For many people, dogs truly are a member of the family. It takes all of 10 seconds for a puppy to be forever a part of your heart. If you know, you know. Grieving our dog is hard, and sometimes still painful, but it’s teaching me a lot about the power of family love. Remembering Our Beloved Dog,

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How I'm Learning to Trust God as My Son Becomes a Man

How I’m Learning to Trust God as My Son Becomes a Man

I half knew it was mistake when I made the call. My brothers had flown into town so that we could celebrate my parents’ 50th wedding anniversary. It was a special day. We gathered with friends and family at a famous local restaurant eating ribs and exchanging stories. And in that moment, I missed my boy. I’m in a New Parenting Season as My Son Becomes a Man A few weeks before, he graduated from high school. We celebrated with a big party and a day later we drove him eight hours north to work at a Christian camp. It was a whirlwind. So many endings and beginnings all smashed together. As I looked around the restaurant, my heart was happy to

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how to be a praying parent throughout your child's life

How to Be a Praying Parent Throughout Your Child’s Life

Our daughter, Summer, brought him home from college one weekend. They watched March Madness basketball, played video games (in a competitive manner, because that’s my girl), and laughed a good deal. Later that week, we received a thank you note from this young man. And everyone knows that a thoughtfully written thank you note earns huge points with a future mom-in-law. Every. Time. I had been praying for the potential spouses of my son and daughter. That weekend, I was pretty sure I’d met my son-in-law-to-be, Joshua. How fun to bump into an answer to your prayers—in person. Making intercessory prayers for our children is a privilege. It’s a tool from God to assist us in the high calling of rearing our

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Dear Mom, I Will Always Need You (Even Now That I’m a Mom)

(Listen to the audio version of this article here.) Yesterday my mom sent me a text asking if she could take my two toddlers and me to Costco. And she did. She came over at 10 a.m., acted as if she didn’t notice the disaster my house was, took my son to the bathroom while my daughter was melting down in my arms, and ignored my poor attitude. The truth is, I was about to melt down myself… which she probably knew. I now understand the uncanny accuracy of a mother’s intuition. They know so much more than they let on. They do so much parenting without even saying a word. I know this now, and I’ve only got three years under

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