Friendship is a true gift and a unique relationship, unlike any other I’ve ever experienced. We don’t talk about friendships breaking up as much as we talk about our romantic relationships; maybe it’s because the unique relationship between girlfriends is too hard to voice. The person I wanted to go to about my friendship breakup was the very friend who broke up with me.
Last year, I lost one of my dearest friends. I should have seen it coming: our times together were not as frequent, and I could feel the tension that I could not figure out. I’m still grieving, and I’m still mad. Some nights I cry, and there are days that I wish I could pick up the phone and meet her for coffee. But we’re not friends anymore. We live two different lives, and maybe that is what separated us. I’m finishing school and looking towards jobs, and she is married with a baby on the way. I couldn’t keep up with her, and I don’t want to; I want to live my life. (Don’t miss this article on how friendship changes as an adult.)
So, what do you do when your best friend doesn’t want you anymore?
You look at yourself and your responsibility in the breakup.
Every breakup is different, just as every friendship is unique. I am no stranger to friendships fizzling out because our lives don’t look the same. But, when your best friend backs off, it wakes you up. I could point fingers at her until kingdom come, but I can only take responsibility for me and my actions.
The truth is, I was not a great friend. I had been all about me for a while, and I had missed my friend’s heart. I deserved to be broken up with. I wasn’t considering her during our time together. I was building the wall between us with every self-centered conversation. So, why did we break up? Because sometimes sorry doesn’t heal the brokenness of a relationship. Sometimes forgiveness is best exercised by letting go. She let go, and I cried.
Friendships have breakups too. And every breakup is different, just as every friendship is unique.
Friendships grow by being together. Iron sharpens iron by rubbing against each other, making both pieces sharper and better because of it. That is friendship. That is what I am fighting for and looking for—another woman to do life with or even a group of women to sharpen and to be sharpened by. Relationships are a give and take, and I spent over two years doing a lot of taking from my friend. I took her time, compassion, and strength to be there in times of need.
How do you move forward knowing that every new friendship could end the same way?
You take some time, and then you get back out there. Love is a risk and so is friendship.
I will not give up seeking out friendship. I have taken responsibility for my shortcomings. I still believe in the beauty of female relationships.
But, I’m scared to try again.
I’m in the middle of this. Setting myself up for potential pain and rejection is not my choice adventure. I think that is normal and natural, but I do believe that even in my weaknesses I can be a friend and hopefully know the beauty of being someone else’s friend in return.
When your best friend breaks up with you, you grieve, you look at yourself, and try again. You are worth knowing and loving no matter what has been done to you and by you. We can only respect the decision our bestie made and move forward because we are worthy of being someone’s best friend. She is out there, and I believe we’re on a path to a new, wild and beautiful adventure.
For more on friendship, start here:
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You’ll love this podcast episode from This Grit and Grace Life: When Is a Friendship Unhealthy and What Do You Do? – 081
You are worth knowing and loving no matter what has been done to you and by you.