Best Of | The Grit and Grace Project

Divorced and Remarried: The Life I Never Wanted and the Life I’m Blessed To Have

By Adina Larson / Relationships, Best Of

I often find myself in a weird place. It’s a place where there is a push and pull between what has happened, what could have been, and what is happening. Divorced and remarried. And I often find myself feeling guilty or ashamed when I experience this juxtaposition of happiness and sadness. I Am Divorced I am divorced. My ex-husband and I have three sons together. When I got married in 2011 at the age of 24, all I saw in front of me was a happy, hopeful, exciting life that he and I were beginning together. We had a lot of good, fun times together; and, of course like any relationship, but especially marriage, there were some really tough, tense times. Those hard […]

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Divorce Was Not in the Plan

By Darlene Brock / Relationships, Best Of

I have walked alongside two ladies I dearly love as they were suffering the heartbreak of divorce. Their disappointment, disbelief, and pain were palpable in every breath they breathed. I know for them this was never the intention when marriage began. Truly, I don’t believe that anyone making this vow purposely, giving their whole heart as well as their all, believe this commitment will not last forever. The truth is the institution of marriage was designed for “till death do us part.” It was created as a life partnership, sharing every segment of this journey. Only ending when one of the “two shall become one” leaves this world. That is not only the intention of marriage, but it is by far the

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Beginning Faith: Walking This Life With Grit, Grace, and God

By Darlene Brock / Best Of, Faith

When I was loading the car to fly my elder daughter off to college, I stopped and made her look me in the eye to tell her this: “Life is hard.” Not sure why that was on my mind except that whether she knew it or not, up until that time in her life she had been fairly, though not entirely, insulated. She had yet to face much of life’s reality that she would be venturing into. I followed that with a statement I knew to be true in my own life: “You have two ways to do this journey called life, with God or without God. I can assure you that without is so very much more difficult.” Of course, she looked at me with

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This Is What Jesus Says About Equality for Women

By Darlene Brock / Faith, Best Of

Religion has often been used as an excuse for inequality between men and women. Historically, and even today within many world religions, women find themselves restricted in what they are allowed: their appearance, their behavior, and of course their opportunities. I wish I could say that has never been true within the faith I hold, Christianity. But throughout time, biblical texts have been pulled out and incorrectly used to justify the bad behavior of men and reduce the importance of women. It is in the source of my faith, the Bible, that I look for answers when exploring different positions found in the culture of varying religions. But, when seeking answers to specific questions, it is imperative that we glean from the

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This Is What Being a Surrogate Taught Me

By Jessica Girado / Motherhood, Best Of

“But in my opinion a mother isn’t born when a child is born. A mother and father are born when the dream of a child is conceived.” Lindsey Henke There I was, strapped to a table in the operating room waiting to meet two beautiful babies that were growing in my belly. I was nervous and anxious, not knowing what to expect. I had given birth five times before, but this experience was so very new to me. I needed a C-section, they said. It’s not how we expected the babies to arrive, but it was a joyful moment nonetheless. My husband held my right hand and the mother of the babies held my left one. She stood there with anticipation and

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These 10 Red Flags in Dating Should Make You Run

By Johanna Vann / Relationships, Best Of

Listen, I know I’m a little late here, but the other day I started watching The Hills. Before you click off, let me explain! There was literally nothing on T.V. that night, and it popped up on my Hulu recommendation list, so I just went for it. Plus, I was just looking for some background noise as I worked on a home improvement project, so the contents of the program didn’t matter that much to me. Well, I started the series from the very first episode. You remember what happens, don’t you? Lauren Conrad has just moved to L.A. to go to fashion school and to intern at Teen Vogue. Meanwhile, her BFF Heidi Montag has just dropped out of said fashion

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How to Find Strength in the Midst of Disappointment

By Darlene Brock / Faith, Best Of

Life is not a straight line. There are side roads, changes, and interruptions that you neither foresee nor anticipate. You may face a job loss, failed relationship, health crisis, or even a virus that strikes and changes everything. When these things happen, we are not just taken out of our comfort zone, but plunged into an unknown, without a plan or direction. I want to say that I always react well; my response is steady, and my faith is strong. But that would be a lie. Sometimes I rise to the occasion, but other times, my humanity is glaringly present. In the seasons when I am disappointed in myself, I wonder if I am disappointing God. Perhaps he is as disheartened in

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Is Marriage Just a Piece of Paper? Or Is It Something More?

By Darlene Brock / Relationships, Best Of

It appears a lot of women are waiting for their man to propose. They have been a couple for a while, and she finds herself wondering where their relationship is going. Is what they have enough? Their dating relationship, which started as an exhilarating sprint, has turned into a 100K marathon, one where the finish line never appears. Many men today are simply not getting down on that knee (or however you envision it) and asking the all-important question: “Will you marry me?” While I watch the single women around me who are dating and wondering about their future, I know this extends far outside of the world in which I reside. Further evidence comes from this very website, Grit and Grace.

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TobyMac's Son's Cause of Death Reminds Us That Faith Doesn't Protect Us From Pain

TobyMac’s Son’s Death Reminds Us That Faith Doesn’t Protect Us From Pain

By Darlene Brock / Best Of, Faith

I just read an article that made the cause of TobyMac’s son’s death public. Since his passing I have found myself torn, wondering, “Should the public know or not?” Toby’s career has made his life very public; it’s the nature of the music industry. When I worked with him as his personal manager in the early days, that was the goal. He was supposed to be on the stage sharing his heart and his songs. The way to do it well was to become a recognizable name. When we were young and building the early stages of his music, we didn’t really think life would touch us. At least not in the ways that it has years later. I think we believed

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If You Wait for Marriage, Will Your Sex Life Be Boring?

By Dr. Zoe / Best Of, Relationships

So, a client got me thinking. He was discussing waiting until marriage to have sex. He expressed his respect for that choice, but also his concern as a dating, single male. He said, “What if I marry her and then find out that we are not sexually compatible?” I can certainly understand his concern. Some people would say, well, if you have never had sex before, you won’t know any difference and it won’t matter. But the majority of people who are abstinent are re-committing to abstinence (some coming out of marriages). They’ve had prior sexual experiences and are worried about sexual compatibility because, well, they actually will know the difference. So, I decided to do some research into this issue, realizing it is one that many couples are facing. In part, the idea

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This Is What a Well-Loved Woman Feels

By Carolyn Gordon / Best Of, Relationships

My 18-year-old self perked up when the college tour guide dropped the statistic, “We are ranked number four in Most Likely To Find Your Future Spouse Here.” Say no more, sign me up! Soon, visions of walking around the ivy and brick walkways in that North Carolina college, arm in arm with my Southern gentleman quickly filled my mind. I was done with the “frogs“… the cool guy in high school who prided himself on kissing a girl from every page in the high school yearbook, the guy with the cool car and cheesy pick-up lines. I didn’t want to date for the sake of dating. I wanted to be wooed. Then it happened, I laid eyes on a Southern boy, was

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Great Sex—What Is It?

By Darlene Brock / Relationships, Best Of

There seems to be an unending list of articles on the subject of sex, from espousing general attitudes to detailing specific acts. Interesting though many of them are, I believe there is often one missing detail. The basis of great sex is not physical; it is relational. A satisfying sex life is based upon sharing your life and your heart, not just your bed. We have within us a quiet barometer, which, if listened to, will help us sort out truth from theory. There is an inner voice in all of us that speaks sometimes faintly, other times with urgency. It’s a voice we should listen to. When having sex for the first time, that voice will often speak to our fear,

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6 Ways to Love the Addict in Your Life

By Author Anonymous / Best Of, Relationships

My first Narcotics Anonymous meeting also happened to be my last. I was “encouraged” to attend NA with my uncle—a recovering alcoholic himself—once my folks discovered the bottles of prescription painkillers in the corner of my bathroom cabinet. I stepped into the room and took one look at the weathered, motley crew which comprised the members of the group, and quickly decided I wouldn’t be returning the following week. I wasn’t ready to quit downing pills with alcohol, much less admit I had a problem. My family is no stranger to addiction. Gambling, sex, alcohol, narcotics, pornography, tobacco, bulimia…you name it, and I’ve seen it. Some of the addictions have manifested themselves in more secretive, less overt ways—even in ways deemed socially

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Dear Wife of the Badge, You Are Strong

By Kristi Neace / Life & Culture, Best Of

Hello, young wife. Yeah, I’ve been in your shoes. I know exactly what it feels like to love a man behind the badge—to watch as he slides on that uniform all neatly pressed; to stand in the shadows quietly watching the methodical and meticulous process of penning on each of his bars, stars, and badge. Oh, I remember. I will never forget the sound of that Velcro as it adjusts and readjusts around his form, nor the click of the gun as it locks into place; the jingle of keys and the turn off, turn on of his two-way, as he tests its readiness. Yes, he transforms within those moments. He would never admit it, but as soon as the uniform goes

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This Will Make You Question Why You Judge New Christians

By Darlene Brock / Best Of, Faith

I have a question for all who share my faith, for my brothers and sisters in the family of God; something that has troubled me for a very long time. Why do we want to disprove someone’s faith? How often has a celebrity, convicted felon, politician, or person of notoriety made a statement of faith and our community feels the need to get involved? What are we trying to accomplish by diminishing another’s faith? We usually have one of two responses; the first is to make that individual the poster child of God’s followers. A pressure no one needs. The second, which has broken my heart many times, is that we explain—at great length, in every public forum available—why that person’s faith

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My Really Different Kind of Family

By Ashby Duval / Best Of, Relationships

My new husband, my new baby, and my son from my first marriage just got back from visiting my dead husband’s parents on our vacation. Did you get all of that? Yeah, that’s a lot to take in so let me back up a bit. Six years and two months ago, my beautiful, gregarious, hilarious husband, Spencer, literally died in my arms. He was 34 years old, seemingly healthy and in shape, and there were absolutely no warning signs. He had an enlarged heart, and we had no idea. His entire family was visiting us in Florida from Minnesota for Mother’s Day. I was five and a half months pregnant with our first child. We were staying at the Hyatt Regency hotel with his

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How to Flip the Script on Your Infertility Journey

By Frances M. Davis / Faith, Best Of

A quick Google search will tell you that one in eight couples struggle with infertility. I never imagined we would be one of them. And, once diagnosed, I never contemplated this leg of my life’s journey would take years. This is our fifth attempt at in vitro fertilization (IVF). The first was a canceled cycle, where my body didn’t respond to medication. In the second, we lost four embryos—three of them after they were transferred into my womb. The third cycle, like the first, was canceled. In the fourth, we were filled with hope at the prospects of our sole embryo. I was convinced we would defy the statistical odds. Instead, we got another negative pregnancy test. The disappointment has become familiar.

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