To the girl who didn’t get the engagement you were expecting, this is what you need to do to finally get a commitment… You tried not to get your hopes up, but deep down you feel like it is time. He’s the man of your dreams and he says you are the woman of his. You’ve been together long enough for him to know if he wants to make that big commitment. And it doesn’t help that it seems like everyone’s boyfriend is popping the question these days! Maybe you were hoping it would happen over the holidays… Then, Valentine’s Day… Or, perhaps you were daydreaming about the perfectly planned summer proposal leading to a beautiful fall marriage. You even dropped some […]
He Hasn’t Proposed
If you thought you were in a relationship headed for marriage and he hasn’t proposed. We discuss the warning signs, why he hasn’t proposed, and what steps you need to take to make the changes you need.
‘Nurse Lauren’ Asked: Hello, I found the article you wrote about wanting a proposal and not getting it and how you shouldn’t feel bad about it just because you want to be married was really wonderful. There’s so much out there about oh you can’t make someone do something and you know you should just decide if you want them in your life and accept it and I just don’t think that’s really very fair. My specific question is regarding the four levels I’m just wanting to make sure that I’m not doing wifey things when I’m still in girlfriend status can you help me learn more about that. Dr. Zoe Answered: Women who find themselves stuck in a relationship phase are
It was Valentine’s Day. We sat on my small, tan microfiber loveseat in my sparsely decorated apartment. The night had been perfect. Dinner at our favorite local restaurant. A bouquet of flowers along with gifts of chocolates and a stuffed animal. My heart swelled in anticipation of how I dreamed the night would end. A Change in Relationship Status I knew six months wasn’t very long, but for a girl in her senior year of college in a town where most of my friends had been engaged by now, I felt the clock ticking. At the perfect moment, just when I thought it wouldn’t happen, he would release my hand to retrieve one more gift from his pocket. He would slip from
Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | Spotify | Amazon Music | Android | Email | TuneIn | RSS | MoreAt Grit and Grace Life, we receive a ton of questions from women who are at a crossroads: They’re in a relationship with a man who didn’t propose, or seems to be dragging his feet when it comes to getting engaged or married. Because another holiday season and Valentine’s Day has passed and there are some women who didn’t get the proposal they were hoping for, we’ve decided to bring back a classic podcast episode. Dr. Zoe Shaw joins Darlene Brock and Julie Bender to share her insight and provide some guidance for women who are wondering if it’s time to walk
Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | Spotify | Amazon Music | Android | Email | TuneIn | RSS | MoreEvery woman wants to find the right man, but finding your forever-after prince isn’t always so clear cut. We wonder whether he’s out there, how long it’ll take to find him, and if we’ll even recognize him when the moment arrives. We can even get so frustrated with the wait that we might be tempted to settle for a good man, but not the right man. But is it worth waiting for the right one? According to Christian singer and songwriter Rebecca St. James, it definitely is. She joins Darlene Brock and Julie Bender on This Grit and Grace Life podcast to
‘Kerry’ Asked: Hi Dr Zoe. I am almost 33 years old, and have been in a relationship for just over 2 years. I was single for many years before finding him, and have been SO in love for the last 2 years. He comes from a family that’s been divorced multiple times on both sides, and even he was engaged once and it fell through (although he will not discuss his prior relationships practically at all). I have spoken openly over the years about how I 100% want to get married someday and have a family, and he always agreed that he wanted the same thing. But here we are, 26 months later, and he still hasn’t proposed— he isn’t ready to
‘Pregnant in Purgatory’ Asked: My boyfriend had been subtly talking about proposing for several weeks, he hinted that he had a ring and would talk about when he felt it was the “right” time, which seemed to align with our anniversary. But you can guess what happened…anniversary, Valentine’s Day, and a trip to the coast all came and went and no proposal. Then something unexpected happened, I got pregnant. So while I thought we were onto something good, now I am pregnant, living together and there’s no ring. I feel so foolish and sad. I’ve become deeply depressed, and we have argued about it several times when I have tried to share with him how hurtful this has been. Now he says
‘Texas Tangled’ Asked: This might end up sounding like a terrible romance movie…I am a 30 year old divorcee (I was married young in a military marriage that ended when I was 24). I was in a long-term relationship with *Travis for two years, in which we had great chemistry, lots of fun, good teamwork, and just solid, simple country life. But as our relationship progressed, he had issues with commitment and couldn’t get to the next step or even talk about it. We would go through these cycles of everything being fine, then a build to a huge fight and then fine again. Finally, it began to really wear the closer to 2 years we got, and he broke up with
‘Jen. B’ Asked: Hi Dr. Zoe, I hope this email finds you well! Last year […] my boyfriend’s younger sister (who is a twin) died suddenly. It has been just a little over a year now, and that was one of the hardest years on our relationship. Not only did she pass late Christmas night (which has made it incredibly hard for his family), my younger sister was also her best friend and with both of the twins when she died. My sister and his other younger sister no longer speak. Just wanted to give you a bit of the background, and all the stress factors that have gone into this past year. My boyfriend and I have been together for 3
‘Ms Highly Favored’ Asked: My boyfriend of 5 years is an introvert. We live together. Going in this he knew I wanted to be married within 3 years. I have not met his children, he doesn’t take me around his family, and he gets upset when I want to talk about marriage or wedding date or proposal. He says it’s not a problem and he loves me, wants to marry me but I haven’t given him the chance to propose. Well, I feel like now at this point I don’t want to marry him because it feels like it would be fake. Dr. Zoe Answered: You’ve stayed two years too long. You have been together for five years and you have never
Dr. Zoe, a licensed psychotherapist and regular contributor at Grit and Grace Life, answers the question: “What do I do when we have been dating forever and he still hasn’t proposed?” This is a tough situation to be in. You love him and you can envision forever with him! But it’s been months … or years … and he has yet to get down on one knee and ask the big question. Maybe you’ve already hinted around at your desire to be married, or even approached him about it directly, to no avail. This situation will place you at a crossroads. Although you love him, you have to decide if you want to be a forever girlfriend (or even a forever fiancé).
Does your desire for marriage feel unmatched by your boyfriend? If you’ve been dating more than six months you likely know if he’s the one you want to be moving toward that cherished commitment with. If it’s been more than a year, you should be having conversations about your future (and if marriage is in it)! Maybe you’re engaged but your fiancé is dragging his feet on setting a date and falling into the “forever-fiancé” category. You’re not alone. These never-fiancé or forever-fiancé situations are more common for the twenty-first-century-relationship than we’d like to admit. Here at Grit and Grace Life, we believe a strong woman’s desire for marriage is noble and healthy! So what’s a girl to do when she and
Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | Spotify | Amazon Music | Android | Email | TuneIn | RSS | More You’ve been dating your boyfriend forever, and it doesn’t look like he’s ever going to propose. You’re ready to take the next step, but what if he’s not? He may tell you there’s no rush, you love each other, and everything is good just like it is. Or, that your relationship doesn’t need that piece of paper to be a real commitment. Maybe you are engaged, but that wedding date remains in the elusive distant future. You’re not alone! So, how long should you wait? Dr. Zoe Shaw joins co-hosts, Darlene Brock and Julie Graham, to answer these questions and more. She offers
It appears a lot of women are waiting for their man to propose. They have been a couple for a while, and she finds herself wondering where their relationship is going. Is what they have enough? Their dating relationship, which started as an exhilarating sprint, has turned into a 100K marathon, one where the finish line never appears. Many men today are simply not getting down on that knee (or however you envision it) and asking the all-important question: “Will you marry me?” While I watch the single women around me who are dating and wondering about their future, I know this extends far outside of the world in which I reside. Further evidence comes from this very website, Grit and Grace.
‘Nikki’ Asked: We moved to a new city 3 years ago for my fiancé’s career and I am not happy with the area. We are not near family or friends… all are hours away. I have expressed that I am unhappy and he too is not but says it’s where we need to be. Should I consider moving back on my own since he is not considering my feelings and happiness? Dr. Zoe Answered: I never condone acting as if you are married before you are. Rarely does anything good come from this. I started to answer as if you were married, then re-read the question and realized that you weren’t. If he were your husband, I would tell you that your
Haven’t we all looked for a way out of a bad relationship? Maybe you’re dating that guy who will never really commit or realizing that if he does commit, the thought of “til death do us part” with him makes you break out in a cold sweat. Maybe you’re not ready to sign on to the baggage he carries through your door. So, what’s a girl to do? In all things love, music makes an entrance even in this breakup scenario through the insightful lyrics of Paul Simon: The problem is all inside your head she said to me The answer is easy if you take it logically I’d like to help you in your struggle to be free There must be fifty ways
‘Dawn’ Asked: After my boyfriend and I had been together a year, one night while we were spending alone time together he looked at me and asked: “Will you marry me”? There was no ring, just the question. I asked “Are you really proposing?” and he said “Just answer the question…”, but I said, “I’m not answering it unless this is a real proposal”. He continued to ask and insisted that this is a real proposal. I ended up saying yes. I was elated and wanted to tell my best friend but he asked me not to say anything until he could afford a ring. I was a little crushed. So, the next day I asked since you don’t want me saying