Blended Family

Blending families is hard. Stepmoms and stepdads are learning new roles and children are trying to adjust. These articles will encourage you during this transition and help blended families at every stage.

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Want to Support an Adoptive Family? What 10 Adoptive Moms Want You to Know

The boys were ages 5, 7, and 9 when my daughter Summer and son-in-law Josh brought them home to America—three brothers from Uganda who had known significant trauma. I love these grandsons even though they don’t carry my DNA. In the eight years the boys have belonged in our family, Summer has shared books and helped me become more aware of early childhood trauma. I still see the side effects of trauma in my grandsons, but I’m amazed at the healing God is producing and how far these three have come. I believe it’s important that we who are on the fringes of adoption and foster care have a better grasp of the journey—we being the family, friends, and church family members. […]

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It’s a Wonderful Thing to Fall in Love Later in Life

It’s a Wonderful Thing to Fall in Love Later in Life

Our children and grandchildren met each other for the first time over pizza on a Friday evening. A bonfire was built later that night. Marshmallows were toasted and paired with graham crackers and chocolate, and grandkids were sent back to their cabins sugared up (because this is what grandparents get to do). Dan and I planned an outdoor wedding weekend, having fallen in love later in life. We were surrounded by our adult children, children-in-law, and the grands. Each family occupied their own tiny cabin near a wild and clear river. Grandpa Dan flipped pancakes on Saturday morning at a cook station set up on the deck of a woodsy house. Here is where the bride and her junior bridesmaids, pre-teen granddaughters

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5 Ways Blended Families Can Be Happy and Healthy

5 Ways Blended Families Can Be Happy and Healthy

I didn’t set out to be a “stepmother;” I never thought I would have a “second” husband. The words, “divorce,” “single mom,” “stepparent,” and “blended family” were used to describe others’ lives, but not my own. But when a husband decides he would rather be with another, I sign papers. I clean out his closet, place boxes on the porch, and figure out how I will do it on my own, how I will survive this ending, this sadness. And with his leaving, the labels rush in. I’m single, alone. I’m divorced, and it feels like a scarlet letter, and everyone knows my shame. My wounded heart bleeds, and I wonder if it will ever recover. Hearts do heal, and soon mine

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Here Are the 10 Commandments to Be a Great Stepmom

Here Are the 10 Commandments to Be a Great Stepmom

If someone had told me that I was going to be a stepmom at 21 years old, aka a bonus mom, I would have laughed in their face. Not because I hated kids or because I was rude, but simply because working to become a great stepmom wasn’t a part of my plan. Funny how life works like that, isn’t it? You see, when I was younger, I was convinced—without a doubt—that I was going to be a traveling nomad. Laugh all you want, but it’s true. I’d always loved traveling, exploring new places, immersing myself in a different culture, and writing about it. But six years after graduating, I married a divorced man with two precious kiddos and my role as

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Ask Dr. Zoe – How Can I Connect More With My Teen Stepdaughter?

‘Jan’ Asked: How do I even begin to connect with my teen stepdaughter? She is 15-years-old and disrespectful to her mom and me… Having already raised five of my own, I don’t have much patience for her entitlement and laziness. She is involved in many activities like show choir and cheerleading but truly her attitude is horrid… I understand life is not easy and she wants to fit in… The only time she is nice is when she wants me to buy her something. Her mom doesn’t know what to do with her and often gives in because she doesn’t want to fight. My husband has severe health issues and is firm, but quiet… So then she just stays in her room.

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Ask Dr. Zoe – How Do I Defend My Kids from their Strict Stepfather?

‘Mother of 4’ Asked: Hello, I have been battling this for quite some time and just can’t seem to make a decision. My fiancé and stepfather to my children has a problem with everything my kids do, whether it’s coming down the stairs too hard, leaving pancake wrappers in the freezer with the other pancakes, not fully picking up after themselves, where they eat, if they leave little food crumbs on their desks, if their computers are too loud, if they are talking with their friends online and he can hear it, if they don’t say ‘hi’ or ‘bye’ etc… I’m literally going crazy. He doesn’t want to be their father but he wants to teach them how to be young men.

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Ask Dr. Zoe – How Do I Create Better Boundaries with My Boyfriend and His Daughter?

‘Marie’ Asked: How can I set up boundaries without generating turmoil between my boyfriend’s adult daughter who is 25 and myself? Her Dad always takes her side and she rules him/us when she comes and visits. Thank you, Dr Zoe. Dr. Zoe Answered: It seems to me that you need to create better boundaries with two people—your boyfriend and his daughter. It’s ironic that I often get the question, “how can I create boundaries without hurting someone’s feelings or without upsetting someone?” This is the very crux of the issue for pleasers. They are more concerned about upsetting anyone than they are about caring for themselves. As long as that remains the case, your boundaries will stay low. Unfortunately, setting boundaries upsets

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Ask Dr. Zoe – My Step-Daughter Is Acting Out and I’m Ready to Give Up!

‘crvntsfam3’ Asked: Good afternoon; I’m a 39-year-old woman and my fiance is a 50-year-old man. I have four children from a previous relationship and he has one daughter (E). It is uncommon (but becoming more common) that his daughter lives with us. She is 10 and her mom left after dropping her off for her first day of kinder. She was constantly unfaithful and had/has no desire to be a mother. She hardly ever calls and never comes to visit (she lives around 700 miles away). I’ve been in E’s life for four years now and we are experiencing some growing pains recently. She has developed a lying habit and most recently, stealing from me. Now, don’t get me wrong, if she

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Ask Dr. Zoe — How Do I Connect With My Defensive Teenage Stepdaughter as a Stepdad?

(Listen to the audio version of this article here.) ‘Love Life’ Asked: On the web I see a lot of what it is like being a stepmother to a teenager girl but not a stepfather. I’ve been in her life since she was two. She is now 14 and things have been tough. A lot of her behavior has become secluded, self-serving, and projects a defensiveness towards me in most things. It’s hard to strike up normal conversation. There is extreme bias to the mother, which is understandable in these situations but challenging. Her mother and I could say the same thing in the same tone and context but I’ll either get ignored or taken out of context negatively. There are dynamics

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Ask Dr. Zoe – My Blended Family Is Taking Separate Vacations—Should I Be Upset by This?

‘Tammy’ asked: So I have been married for four years, and between my husband and I, we have six kids whose ages range between 12 and 29. We have not really had any major issues blending our family, just the normal bumps you come across. However, this one has come up that I need some advice on. My husband’s 21-year-old daughter, who lives on her own, asked him to take her and her two younger siblings (the 12 and 17-year-old) on a vacation…just the four of them. I have had some really mixed feelings about this. My husband and I discussed this and we agreed that maybe they just needed some time with him and a weekend trip would be good. Next

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5 Ways My Blended Family Learned to Adapt

5 Ways My Blended Family Learned to Adapt

“So … I’m going to need to wear those pants of yours tomorrow.” “Um, that doesn’t sound like asking,” her dad interjects. I’m just sitting there, as my stepdaughter and I continue to figure out this whole stepparenting thing. I want to be her cool BFF that she feels comfortable sharing things with … even if that means she shares my closet. I don’t want to correct her when she’s wrong. I’m afraid to speak up, even when I’m frustrated when I have to go hunt my things down in her room (and while I do so I hear my own mother’s voice, “Amanda-Lee, I don’t care if you use my stuff but PUT. IT. BACK!”) Or, as I step in and

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Blended family

Help for a Blended Family

Blending families is hard. If you’re in the middle of it, then you’re well aware of this reality. When two families come together, they bring their own history as well as their own, unique family culture. You’re not simply dealing with two different pasts, but also how each family lived in the past. As a stepmom or stepdad, you are learning new roles. Your children are trying to adjust, and so are you. Several of our writers have gone through exactly what you are facing, which we hope will serve as a comfort and hopeful reference guide. We also have professional advice from licensed therapists and relationship experts to help you in this journey. Be encouraged; you are not alone. You too

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Ask Dr. Zoe – When Do I Introduce My New Man to My Kids?

‘Dating Diva’ Asked: I’m a single mom with a young son. What’s the best way to introduce my child to someone I’m dating? When do I do it? And how? What are some things to avoid him getting hurt? Dating Diva Dr. Zoe Answered: With so much conflicting information out there, it’s easy to feel confused, fearful and guilty when it comes to dating life and your kids. So here’s what I know. You’re probably taking this introduction part way too seriously. Yes, I know this is serious stuff—relationships, parenting—all wrapped in one. But this is a long haul type of thing. The introduction part is just the tip of the iceberg. So take a deep breath. There are certainly ways to

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Episode 50 blended families

This Grit & Grace Life Podcast Preview – Episode 50 A Therapist’s Practical Advice for Blended Families with Dr. Zoe Shaw

In an age where 50% of marriages end in divorce, it’s not uncommon to see new relationships and blended families develop. But anyone in a blended family will tell you: it’s not always easy! So how do household rules work when there are people from different homes under one roof? What should you expect from an ex (or your spouse’s ex)? When should you involve your kids when you’re pursuing a serious relationship that could lead to marriage? Psychotherapist and relationship coach Dr. Zoe Shaw joins This Grit and Grace Life podcast to answer these questions and more so your blended family can be a balanced one.

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Ask Dr. Zoe – What Helps My Relationship With His Ex? Signed, Struggling Stepmom

Being a stepmom is an extremely important, yet difficult, job. There are little ones to care for, but this often involves maintaining some sort of relationship with the children’s mother—and this can be trying in itself. Maybe there’s baby mama drama, or the children’s mother resents you for the new role you’re playing in her kids’ lives that she has no control over. Licensed psychotherapist and relationship coach Dr. Zoe Shaw explains how honesty and good communication are key factors in repairing your relationship with the mother of your stepchildren.

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Ask Dr. Zoe – Dealing with Blended Families and Different Household Rules

Being a stepparent and merging two households is a complicated task that’s often marred by disagreement. So how can children in a blended family come to terms with the same set of rules and boundaries? Licensed psychotherapist and relationship coach, Dr. Zoe Shaw, offers tips to ensure that your children, both biological and step, understand that there are specific rules to follow, regardless of what is allowed in the other home. She explains what steps you need to take now to establish uniform respect in your household.

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Ask Dr. Zoe – Struggling Stepmom: What Helps My Relationship with His Ex?

‘Confused Fiance’ Asked: How do I go about repairing the relationship with the mother of my fiance’s children? I don’t like her, I think she is a very childish and spiteful person, but there should be some sort of casual friendship between us, for the sake of the children. She doesn’t seem to care and throws the fact that she’s their mother in my face. I’ve explained to her on several accounts that I’m not trying to and could never replace her, but that she should be appreciative that I treat them as my own when I have them with me. My fiance and I are getting married this summer and all of this drama she’s causing has me worried about how

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