| The Grit and Grace Project

Ask Dr. Zoe – How Do I Get My Husband to Seek Help for His Depression?

‘Chatty in Nooga’ Asked: I’m pretty sure my husband is struggling with bipolar disorder/depression. My dad has it, so I’m aware of what it can look like. My husband knows when he’s in a dark place. He’s openly admitted that it’s been very dark recently and we’ve had discussions about him seeking help. He seems open to it in the moment but comes out of it and never pursues counseling. He’s admitted he’s scared of what they’ll say and of being medicated as he was previously many years ago, which made it worse at that time. We currently have A LOT on our marriage plate, some issues stemming from things I believe are due to his mental state and others just life, […]

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Recognize Your Emotional Triggers So They Don’t Interrupt Your Life

By Kristen Bailey / Life & Culture

I never would’ve believed it if I hadn’t experienced it. Our bodies store trauma through associations with dates, places and seasons. For some, the holiday season is their trigger season. Personally, as the weather transitions from summer to fall, even if it’s the furthest thing from my mind, I sense my trauma sneaking up on me in unexpected ways like headaches, negative self-talk, bad moods, lethargy—you name it. But even as these seasons approach, we can find ways not only to survive, but thrive during them. Identify Your Emotional Triggers One of the greatest gifts we can give ourselves in a triggering season is self-awareness. My trauma occurred when my boyfriend took his own life, deeply engraining painful dates into my subconscious,

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When Menopause Blues Turns Into Depression, There’s Help

By Marlys Johnson Lawry / Life & Culture

Menopause arrived early and chronic depression became my wake-up buddy. Almost daily. I learned how to deal with the occasional blues earlier in life. Hiking or cycling always worked wonders. Creativity helped dispel the gray fog, whether planting flowers, or trying a new recipe, or knitting a gift. And of course, drafting gratitude lists and looking for ways to reach out to someone else in need—all these things helped me manage situational depression. But this was different. Instead of bouncing out of bed, I sludged awake with a definite lack of hope. Nothing energized me. There was no desire for the things that normally lit me up. I just wanted to sleep, long and deep. But that was rarely an option. Usually

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Ask Dr. Zoe – Grieving Divorce

By Dr. Zoe / Ask Dr. Zoe

‘Running Turtle’ Asked: My marriage broke up about 7 months ago. In the last few days, we’ve been seriously discussing divorce. I’ve been grieving the last 7 months, but these conversations have brought on new, almost overwhelming waves of grief, how do I cope? Dr. Zoe Answered: Dear Running Turtle, I’m glad you used the word grief because that’s exactly what you are doing—grieving. Grief sucks always, but it is a necessary and healthy process when dealing with your loss. This is your season for grief. Feel it, eat some ice cream, wallow in it for a minute, scream, cry—get it out! Stop telling yourself it is overwhelming. It just is. Saying your grief is overwhelming is like saying water is too

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Overcoming Shame from Abuse in a Grit and Grace Life

By Karen DeVault / Purpose

If you were a victim of child abuse or neglect like me, you very likely have experienced or do experience some level of shame. In my case, it plagued me for many years, yet I had no idea what it even was. Shame from abuse is hard to pin down because it assumes many forms. But it has the same message. It tells us that we are inferior, a mistake, fundamentally flawed. Shame Is Not the Same as Guilt Shame focuses on self. Guilt focuses on behavior. Shame says that “I am bad.” Guilt says that “I did something bad.” Instead of saying “I made a mistake,” a person who experiences shame says that “I am a mistake.” Think of shame as

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How to Move On From the Loss of a Dream in a Healthy Way

By Dr. Zoe / Purpose, Life & Culture

I recently sat with a client who was devastated over the loss of a dream. This door was clearly closed in his life and there was no real chance of him ever achieving it. There is very little in life that is as painful as the loss of a dream. His inability to move past this loss cost him his entire family. I wish he had come to me sooner. He was grieving so hard that he couldn’t even see the amazing blessings he had in front of him … until they were gone. What do you do when you just can’t get over a loss? Life is tough sometimes. I have never heard a success story that didn’t include failures along the way. Relationship breakups, loss of

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Representation Matters: Searching for Mental Health Support for People of Color

By Torrie Sorge / Life & Culture

I was stunned when I read the news story. I remembered her winning Miss USA 2019, not because of her articulate answers or platform, but because her physical features mirrored my own. At the time, I was just beginning to embrace my curls and she proudly wore hers with confidence. As I read through the breaking news story, once again, I saw myself in Cheslie Kryst. Her struggle with anxiety and depression echoed my own. I rarely share about the time I sat, razor blade in hand, contemplating if I should live or die. Would anyone care if I were gone? Or the time I called my mom at 3 a.m. to pick up our infant son because I couldn’t have him

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Post-traumatic Growth: Finding Hope on the Other Side

By Clare Marlow / Purpose

Post-traumatic Growth sounds like an oxymoron; growth after trauma. But after talking with some childhood cancer survivors, I realized I know a lot of people exhibiting this phenomenon. Essentially, it’s the idea that individuals can be changed in radically good ways by their struggle with trauma. This does not diminish the impact of the battle; it just offers hope for the other side. This may seem impossible in the midst of heartache, but I can assure you I have seen lives that prove this true. When the battle’s over, what remains? I’ve talked to several young adults who walk on eggshells because their cancer might return, or are disfigured or disabled by surgeries to remove tumors when they were four or six or

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My Dad’s Suicide and the Hole in My Heart

By Darlene Brock / HerStory, Life & Culture

I knew my father was having a difficult time in life. It was so very unlike this man, whose smile warmed the hearts of perfect strangers, to see that smile so infrequently. But at the age of 50, having left his position as an accountant, he could not find a job in his field. There were challenges he was facing that he kept to himself, and the depth of depression that descended upon him was not fully known to those who loved him. That is until the day my mother found him in the garage having taken his life. My father had committed suicide. I was a 23-year-old newlywed living in Nashville, Tennessee when I received the call. This was my daddy.

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When Desperation Comes, Why Choose Suicide?

By Ashley Johnson / Life & Culture

Did you know that one of the most influential pastors and preachers of the Christian faith struggled with depression and even suicidal thoughts? Known as the “Prince of Preachers,” Charles Spurgeon’s work has provided an intangible, yet very real hope for people over the last 100+ years. The same mind that dwelt in dungeons of darkness also created quotes reflecting glimpses of a brilliant light… “Those who dive in the sea of affliction bring up rare pearls.” “By perseverance, the snail reached the ark.” “Our infirmities become the black velvet on which the diamond of God’s love glitters all the more brightly.” Sounds like a man who is able to find and focus on the good no matter how hard the bad.

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Ask Dr. Zoe – Coping With Anxiety Biblically

By Dr. Zoe / Ask Dr. Zoe

‘Coping With Anxiety’ Asked: I recently realized the extent to which I have struggled with anxiety all my life. What are some healthy, Biblical coping mechanisms I can use when anxiety and panic set in? Dr. Zoe Answered: Dear Coping With Anxiety, What I love about Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is that it is completely Biblical. The Bible says, and modern CBT research has proven, that getting control over your thoughts is the best and most efficacious treatment for anxiety (and depression). The Bible tells us whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy, think about those things and the God of peace will be with you

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Keeping a Record of Gratitude Can Change Your Life

By Amber Koehn / Faith

“Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more.” —Melody Beattie Since my mom’s passing in 2015, I have tried to be extremely cognizant of year-round blessings. The easy blessings. The hard blessings. The punch-you-in-the-gut blessings. The everyday blessings. The tiny, unexpected blessings. The blessings that sneak up on you. The blessings you don’t initially think of as blessings until they surprise you and become some of the greatest blessings. Belly laughs. Farmers markets. Birthday dinners. Mermaids. Where does your mind go in times of trouble? In 2016, I went through a major transformation. I’m not talking about beauty, fashion, or weight loss; I had a complete mental makeover. I was suffering from grief-induced depression, and

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Ask Dr. Zoe — I’m Lonely and Feel Like the Black Sheep; What Do I Do?

By Dr. Zoe / Ask Dr. Zoe, Audio Articles

(Listen to the audio version of this article here._ ‘Creativesoul’ Asked: Good Evening, I’m going through slight depression and I feel lonely. I moved from NYC with my son and don’t know many people. I have a few friends and I actually have a boyfriend, but I want him to do more with me. My older sister says I want him to fill my voids. I do activities with my son so he won’t feel lonely. I overthink, assume, and think the worst of things. If my boyfriend can’t make something and it happen more than once, I think the worst of him at times, and I feel like every time we try to go out he won’t make it. He’s treats

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PTSD Threatened Our Love Story—Finding Help Saved It

By Rachel Hagstrom / Life & Culture, Audio Articles

(Listen to the audio version of this article here.) Near the end of 2007, a group of girlfriends and I took a trip to Hawaii. A few days later, I met my future husband in a restaurant that stood across from the iconic Waikiki Beach. The chords of a ukulele flavored that night. Sweet combinations of coconut-fragranced sunscreen and fried onions wafted through the restaurant, dulling the more pungent scents of sweat and spilled beer. A vibrant, three-dimensional painting of a “merman” hung on the wall behind me. Pete didn’t try to hit on me in a creepy way. Instead, he used humor—the gateway to my heart—and pointed to the painting while he referenced a line from the movie “Zoolander.” His back

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Social Media Is Impacting My Child—What Can I Do About It?

By Caroline Beidler / Motherhood

One morning as I sat sipping my coffee for the glorious 10 minutes before my little ones wobble out of their rooms, I opened my phone to an article about school closings. There was going to be a return to virtual classes in many areas of the country because of threats of school violence on the social media platform Tik Tok (the one where kids do dancing that they’ve rehearsed for hours in front of a mirror) and other social media. I read about how social media threats were causing many teachers and students to fear for their lives. I turned to my husband and shared the headline. “How can this be?” I asked incredulous. “School shootings being talked about on social

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Dear Mom: I See Your Struggle With Depression

By Carolyn Gordon / Faith

Dear Mom, I see you. You’re fighting an invisible battle. A sickness that cannot be seen on an X-ray, no surgery to cut out the despair. You’re trying to take back what anxiety and depression have stolen. Life isn’t what we all expected it to be. Our family no longer lives under one roof. This season has been shrouded in guilt from the past, confusion for the future, and the loss of identities. This has been our family’s season in the valley, but some of us have found our way out quicker than others. The Mind Monster When I try to explain to my son what your “boo boo” is, he doesn’t understand why a superman band-aid and his kiss can’t make

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This Is Why Depression Is a Deceptive Liar

By Jennifer Schoonover / Life & Culture

Depression is a deceptive liar. It will tell you that you are weak, that you don’t have anything to contribute to the world you live in. It will make you believe that you are lazy and try to convince you that you are unworthy of any kind of happiness or love. It will make you feel lonely in a room full of people, even the people that love you the most. It will make you feel like you are in a bubble that won’t allow love, happiness, or joy to penetrate the barrier. Its heavy gray cloud will follow you around, much like the cloud of dirt that followed Pigpen in Charlie Brown. You will see things, touch things, and hear things,

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