| The Grit and Grace Project

How My Husband and I Survived My Affair

“How did I get here? This can’t be happening,” these words raced across my mind as I sat in a room with our pastor and the seeming stranger I was married to. But there I was, a church-raised, young woman in the throes of a nasty adulterous mess… but my affair was what got us there. Never in my wildest dreams did I think that I could slip so far or that divorce would seem like an obvious lifeline amidst the chaos. I so badly wanted to flee this moment of accountability, wanted to flee this marriage, and by doing so, escape the mess I had made. That summer, almost 11 years ago now, things had come to a head. But the […]

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To the Woman Whose Husband Is Married to His Job

By Meaghan Dawson / Relationships

I see you over there, sitting in the audience filled with families—moms and dads, grandparents and children. I see you juggling your toddler, holding your baby, and trying with all of your might to get a good video of your kindergartener on stage in his first-ever school play. I see you there. Alone. I see you at t-ball games and ballet drop-off, every time, just you. I see you making dinner in shifts, keeping a plate warm with tin foil as you eat with the kids, because you know he’ll be hungry when he comes home. I see you doing bath time, story time, breakfast, and middle of the night feedings by yourself. All alone. I see you feeling so lonely you

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Marriage Advice That Will Change Things More Than You Think…

By Ashby Duval / Faith, Relationships

A wise friend once told me that before you get married, ask all the couples in your life whom you respect and have a marriage worth emulating what their best marriage advice to you would be. I thought this was quite brilliant, and I spent the months leading up to my wedding doing just that. My favorite words of wisdom came from my mother-in-law, Pam, who has been happily married for 40 years and who is involved in marriage ministry. She told me four simple words: “Weed your own garden.” Needing some elaboration, I asked her to explain. She said one of the biggest mistakes you can make in your marriage is to constantly focus on what is wrong with your spouse, on their

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You, Your Man, and His Baby Mama All Need Grit and Grace

By Dr. Zoe / Relationships

So your man is a pretty wonderful guy. Things are going so well. You might have even married him. What in the world could mess this up? Oh, the mother of his kids! Baby mama drama began with the start of civilization—think Abraham from the Bible. Sparks were going off between Sarah (his wife) and Hagar (baby mama). Abraham couldn’t deal with the drama and finally shipped Hagar off with their child—never to be seen again. Even if that is your fantasy, it isn’t going to happen—nor should it. The modern reality is that almost half (46%) of marriages involve a step-parent situation.1 When your relationship first started, dreams of the Brady Bunch may have been circling in your head. But reality

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What to Do When Marriage Is Hard with Julie Bender – 242

By Smart Living with Grit and Grace / Podcast

Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Amazon Music | Android | TuneIn | RSS | MoreWhen we get married, we have dreams, hopes and goals for what our lifelong union with our new partner will look like. But that idealistic view doesn’t always match reality. Instead, we may find ourselves wondering why our man is so different compared to how he used to be at the beginning of the relationship or to the doting husbands we see on social media. Maybe we find ourselves in constant conflict with him, never finding common ground. Both of these issues can slowly and painfully drive your marriage into the ground. Comparison and conflict are major, yet common, issues in marriage. Our very own co-host, Julie

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Ask Dr. Zoe – I Have Low Sex Drive—What’s Wrong?

By Dr. Zoe / Ask Dr. Zoe

‘Sexless in Seattle’ Asked: Dear Dr. Zoe, For most of my adult life I’ve struggled with not being interested in sex having a low sex drive. I’m not a victim of sexual assault or abuse, I’ve just never had much interest. This is a struggle I’ve kept to myself due to hearing comments from people like, “I’d kill myself if I didn’t like sex.” I’ve been with my husband for seven years (married for almost two), and he is so patient and kind with me. I wish it could be enjoyable, but I don’t know what to do! Help! Dr. Zoe Answered: You are not alone. Despite our sex-crazed culture, there are others who struggle with low sex drive as well. It

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Ask Dr. Zoe – How to Approach a Disconnected Husband

By Dr. Zoe / Ask Dr. Zoe, Relationships

‘Dealing With My Disconnected Husband’ Asked: How do you approach your husband when he seems completely disconnected and like he has checked out? I have tried bringing it up in casual conversation with him so it doesn’t seem as though I am accusing or nagging, but he literally just ignores talking about it and says he just doesn’t want to be around people or talk about it. I need help on how to address this without pushing him away further! Loving and Worried Midwest Wife Dr. Zoe Answered: Hi Dealing With My Disconnected Husband, When your spouse is disconnected from you, it can feel like you are lost in a desert with no hope of water. You said that he doesn’t want

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woman with hands clasped to her face in a therapist's office as an act of self-care when you've been cheated on

6 Essential Acts of Self-Care When You’ve Been Cheated On

By Nica Collins / Relationships

Twenty-four hours after my husband brought me coffee in bed, slipped on his apron, and helped our young daughters execute the world’s best Mother’s Day omelet, he locked eyes with the woman who would become his affair partner. It was a regular Monday morning, and his steps were like clockwork. He’d leave home by 5:30 a.m. to drive into the city, park his truck, breeze through TSA, and enjoy coffee and a pastry in the lounge before walking toward his gate. His professional success had elevated his status to the highest tier on the airline, granting him automatic upgrades to business class, lie-down seats on his overseas flights, access to flagship lounges, and personal calls from airline personnel to let him know

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Ask Dr. Zoe – Why Can’t I Please My Mother-in-Law?

By Dr. Zoe / Ask Dr. Zoe

‘Florida Girl’ Asked: My husband and I are temporarily living with my mother-in-law, in her house, and at her request. We often ask her if we can help, to do our part, and she will assign us a task (cooking, cleaning, whatever) and give instructions for the job. Even if we follow her instructions to the letter, we’ve done it wrong! “What are you doing?” “Why did you do that?” Or my favorite, “You’re doing it wrong.” Not to mention, she is the queen of clutter. If the others of us attempt to tidy up (even just straighten stacks without moving anything) she becomes defensive and angry. The result is that the house is cluttered and dirty and nothing can be done

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Marriage is Not a Hallmark Movie—But it Can Be Better

By Ashby Duval / Faith

Marriage is not a Hallmark movie. If you’ve been married for more than 5 minutes, you were probably like, “Duh.” But do you have single friends? Do you remember all the lofty ideas you had before you got married? Last Christmas, I went to a Hallmark movie party. Think leggings, chocolate, and Christmas Hallmark movies. It was glorious. However, I was one of the only married women there. As I watched these precious women take in the love stories, I wanted to stand up in front of the screen and say, “It’s not like this! It’s really hard! There’s a reason God made it a covenant because, at some point, you will probably want out!” This seemed a little heavy for the

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This Is My Story of Domestic Abuse

By SarahBeth Pappagallo / Relationships

There was a time when I never wanted to talk about it, at least not publicly. I never thought I would. In fact, several years into my journey, the majority of people around me saw nothing but smiles. Truth was, my world was unraveling into devastating chaos. It was never due to shame and not even due to denial. But in today’s world, it seems that everyone is desperate to have a cause. Everyone wants a platform. No matter the scenario, there is always someone looking to somehow identify themselves with the pain of a situation or a cause to gain sympathy. And quite frankly, it cheapens and leaves those that have actually walked the dark paths of pain silent. Women and

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Ask Dr. Zoe – Getting Over My Long-Lost Love

By Dr. Zoe / Ask Dr. Zoe

‘Honestly Unable’ Asked: Dear Dr. Zoe: I fell in love with someone as a very young girl, truly in love. My mother interfered and separated us, keeping me in the dark. I cannot seem to stop thinking of how it could have been, especially because my marriage has been difficult and my husband is distant and aloof. How do I stop thinking of what could have been, getting over a long-lost love? Please help me. Dr. Zoe Answered: I hear the pain, sadness, and loss in your voice. I’m grieved that you have gone so many years ruminating over this lost relationship. We often glorify things from our past. That relationship in your mind is untouched by the reality of life. Your

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5 Ways to Work on Your Marriage (when he is not)

5 Fresh Ways to Work on Your Marriage (When He Isn’t)

By Dr. Zoe / Relationships

When your marriage is in a free fall of disconnectedness, anger, or resentment, it can feel like you are standing on the sidelines watching a train wreck, helpless to stop it. It’s terrifying. Even worse, if your spouse has already asked for a divorce, you may feel like the end is inevitable. Let me give you the good news first. Fixing things doesn’t require that you both jump in and dissect your issues. When you change any part of a system (in your case, your relationship), the whole system reacts and thus changes. Every marriage goes through difficult times; sometimes, you may question whether it is even worth sticking it out. But the relationship can stay intact as long as both of

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Should I Be Staying for the Kids Even If My Marriage Isn't Working?

Should I Consider Staying for the Kids, Even If My Marriage Isn’t Working?

By Dr. Zoe / Relationships

So, you’ve got a husband and you’ve got kids. This marriage isn’t working. You’ve tried and you’ve tried (I hope you’ve tried), and it’s not getting better. You put off thinking about it to get your family through the holidays. Another year has gone by and it’s smack in your face again. You don’t know what’s worse. Staying for the kids or going? It’s a tortuous, painful place to be. There are repercussions on both sides of your decision and they matter. I want to honor how hard this is for you. Should You Stay or Get a Divorce? I’m not a proponent of divorce. In fact, my life’s work is helping couples improve their relationships, but I am also not someone who

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Forgiveness Came the Day I Befriended “The Other Woman”

By Adina Larson / HerStory, Relationships

Few other words strike up as many feelings as the word forgiveness. There are many opinions on what it means to forgive and how much gray area there is in the “forgetting” part that is often associated with forgiveness. This concept is one I have personally wrestled with for a few years now, and this is the story of my journey. My Husband Betrayed Me My ex-husband had an affair. The details of when and for how long are still a little blurry to me; but, nonetheless, it happened. I was able to figure out who “the other woman” was because, well—I knew her. We had only hung out one time with our families, but we were friends on social media after that

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Infidelity Isn’t the End—You Can Save Your Marriage with Cindy Beall – 198

By Smart Living with Grit and Grace / Podcast

Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Amazon Music | Android | TuneIn | RSS | MoreMarriages aren’t immune from hardships and tribulations. What makes them hard to work through is that these hurdles are usually unexpected. The news that her husband had been unfaithful to her for more than two years due to an inner battle with pornography addiction was enough to make author and speaker Cindy Beall want to walk away. What stopped her? Her husband’s genuine regret, humility, and desire to make things right. On this week’s podcast, Cindy sits down with Darlene Brock and Julie Bender to share the steps she took to rebuild trust with her husband. For women in similar situations, Cindy also offers insight on where

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Ask Dr. Zoe – My Abusive Husband Received Clinical Help; Should I Go Back to Him?

By Dr. Zoe / Ask Dr. Zoe

‘Jennifer’ asked: I’m separated from my husband because he became abusive. He has gotten a lot of verified clinical help and is back to being the man I married. I have moved on and have a really great new guy because I felt totally thrown away, but my husband really wants me back now. What should I do? (Note, husband refuses to sign papers and COVID has had our courts closed anyway.) Dr. Zoe answered: Life is way more complicated than the basic rules of morality clearly state, isn’t it? I’m not sure if you are asking what’s your obligation to the marriage or what is in your best interest? My opinion is that the marital vows were broken when he crossed

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Marriage Trouble