I was a teen in the early years of Roe v. Wade when a significant cultural change began. I don’t think we realized then how much impact a decision made by seven Justices of the Supreme Court would have on our lives. Pregnancy wasn’t ever present in our minds, but it was something we were trying to avoid, often rather ineffectively, given this was also the era of “free love.” In those years, an unplanned pregnancy had even more impact on a female’s life than it does today. Girls were labeled, often looked down upon, which didn’t make a lot of sense since they were not alone in their activity. They merely experienced the possible consequences that many others risked. It was […]

Do you ever wish you had a guidebook for life’s challenges? Challenges that feel insurmountable, and you would love guidance from someone who has already traversed the road you find yourself on? Something easy to read that allows you to feel comfortable with your hurts, feelings, and thoughts? We created those books in the Smart Living in Small Bites series. The first four are ready to launch on October 15th! Hard Marriage, Suicide Loss, Anxiety Struggles, and Past Sexual Abuse are the first of the subjects we are speaking to. Our writers, just like you, have faced challenges with nowhere to turn. This shared experience led us to help others facing what we had already faced. Each book in the series shares a […]

I just read this post by a friend of mine, Heidi Smith: “Today is clean out my closet day—I am finally ready to let go of my ‘skinny clothes.’ Three years ago, I was doing an insane preparation and was the thinnest I’ve ever been. I was weighing my food and tracking everything. To some, that may look like discipline; now I realize that I had put myself in a prison. I was going to bed starving and having horrible blood sugar crashes. For what? Because I thought to be beautiful was low body fat? I am not naturally thin. I lift. I am active. I never stop moving. I eat healthy. But I have learned that it is okay to enjoy […]

Oh, fall, we just love you for so many reasons. After summer’s heat and humidity, your cool, crisp air is a glorious change of pace. Your colors are astounding, bringing perspective each day as you turn the leaves into gorgeous shades of crimson and gold. Bundling up in sweaters and boots is exciting and new after a season of sweating it out in swimsuits and shorts. But nowhere is our love for fall displayed greater than in the explosion of pumpkin everything in the past few years. Long gone are the days when pumpkin made a single appearance in the pie at Thanksgiving. Now, pumpkin is the marker by which we usher in the entire season, with the release of the Pumpkin […]

Defining Grace Grace is the anchor of our faith, the reason for the confidence we have in a God of mercy. It’s what is extended to us through a relationship with God established by the sacrifice of Christ. When we accept it from our Creator, it seems it should be such an easy thing to extend because he does it so magnificently. But for us to live our lives offering the same grace to others is anything but an easy task. Living a life of grace is very often misinterpreted. Some believe it’s an indicator of weakness. In the eyes of many, extending the truest form of grace, which is forgiveness, means giving up. Others believe grace is automatic and easy to […]

I have a story to share on the greatness of God. The past 10 years have been full of some major life changes, big decisions, trauma, and absolute joy, and throughout all of it, God was right there. Never yielding, never leaving us to wonder. Just always right there reminding us we are not alone. It just takes a little faith. We recently relocated across the United States without any family, no job, no house or land—just God’s calling. Before I share how amazing that has been, let me give you some of our backstory. I grew up in a single-parent home from the age of 13. She did the best she could to provide for my brother and me. We moved […]

Sometimes you’ve got to tell yourself what you’re made for. Because you forgot. Or it got lost in the loads of unfolded laundry, dishes stacked in the sink, papers from school in a messy stack of come-back-to-it-later. If you’re like me, you forget that your roles aren’t you. Sure, you’re part mom, part wife, part daughter and sister, aunt and writer. But the way you fill your roles and the way they expose your lack says what you do, not who you are. They define you in relation to others. Tell you how to show up. Who to love best. They’re important. Who Am I? You’re More Than a Title But your biggest purpose isn’t a title, a label, or a role. […]

We hit a milestone in our house when and my oldest daughter got her license. And not the drive-in-the-car-with-your-mom-while-she-yells-and-hangs-on-for-dear-life kind of license. It’s the “Mom, I am taking your car to the movies and then to McDonald’s with all my friends” kind of license. And I have to be honest with you, while part of me was super excited that I could now make her drive to get all my groceries (don’t judge me), the other part of me was absolutely terrified. Like, every horrible car accident you’ve ever seen in the movies terrified. And not because she can’t drive. Trust me, I’ve got $2000 worth of Deans Defensive Driving School invested in this kid and I feel totally confident in her […]

Every foster or adoptive parent understands the extreme need for control that our trauma-surviving children often exhibit. Arleta James, the author of The Science of Parenting Adopted Children, describes this battle for control, writing “We really aren’t going to ‘out control’ these kids. They have an advanced degree in control, a Ph.D. We are undergraduates!” My husband and I found this to be so true as we parented our foster and now adopted daughter. We understood her need for control came out of a necessity of surviving her early years. However, she also needed to know we were in control in order to feel any kind of stability in our home. Using an airplane metaphor, we maintained control as pilots, but brought […]

We hit a milestone in our house when and my oldest daughter got her license. And not the drive-in-the-car-with-your-mom-while-she-yells-and-hangs-on-for-dear-life kind of license. It’s the “Mom, I am taking your car to the movies and then to McDonald’s with all my friends” kind of license. And I have to be honest with you, while part of me was super excited that I could now make her drive to get all my groceries (don’t judge me), the other part of me was absolutely terrified. Like, every horrible car accident you’ve ever seen in the movies terrified. And not because she can’t drive. Trust me, I’ve got $2000 worth of Deans Defensive Driving School invested in this kid and I feel totally confident in her […]

In episode 63, These Strategies Will Help You Raise Great Kids, of our podcast, This Grit and Grace Life, Darlene Brock, co-founder and president of The Grit and Grace Project, shares some of her own parenting experiences and snippets of wisdom from her new book, Raising Great Girls. Having raised two caring and successful daughters of her own, Darlene penned her book in the hopes of encouraging other moms to push past the difficulties that often come with cultivating young ladies (or young men!). In Raising Great Girls, Darlene outlines various job descriptions, like Creative Counselor and Coach, that a parent must assume in order to mold a balanced daughter. She breaks down three of these job titles within the podcast and […]

You’re the mother of two or three small children and you need to make a quick run to the grocery store. Grocery shopping with kids isn’t something you do on a whim. You start planning in the wee hours of the morning before the kids are awake. Or maybe even the night before. Step 1: Assemble outfits. You dig through the laundry basket that’s been sitting on your dresser for three days and find clothing, which basically matches. You also set aside any articles of clothing you come across that your children grew out of 6 months ago. Step 2: Locate matching shoes and socks. You may or may not be successful on this one. Keep in mind that socks don’t technically […]

To the girl who didn’t get the engagement you were expecting, this is what you need to do to finally get a commitment… You tried not to get your hopes up, but deep down you feel like it is time. He’s the man of your dreams and he says you are the woman of his. You’ve been together long enough for him to know if he wants to make that big commitment. And it doesn’t help that it seems like everyone’s boyfriend is popping the question these days! Maybe you were hoping it would happen over the holidays… Then, Valentine’s Day… Or, perhaps you were daydreaming about the perfectly planned summer proposal leading to a beautiful fall marriage. You even dropped some […]

We spend our lives learning how to make friends. In early childhood we learn to share and play nice. We introduce ourselves, smile big, try to do the right things, and hope they like us. In school we strive to fit in, to establish and keep friends. We do things to be cool and impress others—sometimes at the cost of our personal beliefs and feelings. In life, we all want to find our people and have a tight-knit group. I have made new friends through all phases of my life: as a child and young adult, at college, in my married life (and in my divorced life), in motherhood, in small groups at church, at work and at various events. I have […]

The air on the porch was heavy and the cicadas chanted their morning prayers. I peered past the redwood fence separating our yard from that of the most wonderful neighbor. Katie concentrated, brushing her Barbie’s tresses. “Did you hear anything?” I asked my sister. “Nope,” she responded. I wondered how much longer it would be. “We’re so hot, Mom,” I yelled into the kitchen. “It’s not even 10:00,” said Mom. “Not yet.” Clink. The pool gate, a sure sign that it was time. My heart raced a bit. I was 9 years old, and it was time to go swimming. Past the pool towels that danced, long and loose on the clothes line, popped a sun-glassed head. “You girls wanna swim?” she […]

Your boyfriend brings you flowers, treats you to dinner, and maybe even buys you a gift. Sweet things that indicate he could be the “rest of my life” partner but is that all you want? Or perhaps that’s what he did when you first started dating, but less so now. And the other things you might be looking for haven’t yet appeared. Maybe you’ve compromised on some things you thought were important. Or accepted some that you didn’t think you would accept. This happens to nearly every woman who is seeking that ever-after relationship. The concessions don’t happen quickly; they occur slowly, often without even realizing you’re giving up what you thought you had found. Settling for the opposite of what you […]

If you were a victim of child abuse or neglect like me, you very likely have experienced or do experience some level of shame. In my case, it plagued me for many years, yet I had no idea what it even was. Shame from abuse is hard to pin down because it assumes many forms. But it has the same message. It tells us that we are inferior, a mistake, fundamentally flawed. Shame Is Not the Same as Guilt Shame focuses on self. Guilt focuses on behavior. Shame says that “I am bad.” Guilt says that “I did something bad.” Instead of saying “I made a mistake,” a person who experiences shame says that “I am a mistake.” Think of shame as […]

Defining Grace Grace is the anchor of our faith, the reason for the confidence we have in a God of mercy. It’s what is extended to us through a relationship with God established by the sacrifice of Christ. When we accept it from our Creator, it seems it should be such an easy thing to extend because he does it so magnificently. But for us to live our lives offering the same grace to others is anything but an easy task. Living a life of grace is very often misinterpreted. Some believe it’s an indicator of weakness. In the eyes of many, extending the truest form of grace, which is forgiveness, means giving up. Others believe grace is automatic and easy to […]

Every day for nearly six years, I had to walk by a line of misshapen, horribly trimmed, oblong, and funky shrubs to get to my front door. Some years, I’d take shears and gently prune the gangly branches in hopes that the new growth would sprout forth as effortlessly and symmetrically as it appeared our neighbor’s shrubs did every spring. Other years, my frustration led me to our battery-powered hedge trimmer. At first, I was a bit intimidated by it. Me? Someone who trimmed hedges? With power tools, no less? But after I got comfortable with the safety button, I was ready to cut back any unruly branch or out-of-place landscaping around our house. “What have you done?” my husband kindly asked […]

My body shaming started in fifth grade shortly after a classmate made up a “clever” little saying about my breasts. She recruited a group of boys who all chanted for days: “Rachel’s so flat a pancake would be jealous. Flatty cakes, flatty cakes!” Good one, sister. I was 11 years old… of course I was flat. As junior high came into full swing—and then high school—I noticed when friends blossomed as my own adolescent development seemed to lag behind my peers. When I finally started my period at the age of 15, I felt defective for showing up to the puberty party late. Over the years, I’ve abused, neglected, badmouthed, overworked, and shamed my body. Some of my shaming was induced by […]