One of the very best things about the holidays is not the calorie-heavy, “guilt-free” food intake, the gifts, the family gatherings, or even the “you have outdone yourself” decorating. It’s the holiday traditions you create for your family and then repeat each year, ensuring lasting memories in the hearts of all you love. Looking to start some family traditions? Here are a few to get you started: 1. Fill a jar from Thanksgiving to January 1 with special notes for each family member. Write one note a week to tell them something about them you treasure. On January 1, each member takes the notes written to them to begin the new year knowing their worth. 2. Decorate your tree with ornaments purchased from […]

The field was a place of childhood imagination, a land filled with underground forts, wood crate castles, and a path that wandered over dirt mounds and through a labyrinth of tall grasses and wildflowers. Fruit trees were scattered throughout the property, apples and plums. The lot was blocked from the street by shrubs that seemed to stretch from the ground to powerlines. It was a meeting place for the kids in the neighborhood, a place where you could dream, getting lost in the fairy-tale minutes of youth. But for me, this magical playground held my secrets. It was the path I took to get to the Petersons. The Petersons The Petersons were an elderly couple. They owned a large house on the […]

Thanksgiving became a national holiday at the height of the Civil War—a most unlikely time to set a day aside for reflection and proclamation of one’s thankfulness. Yet President Abraham Lincoln did exactly that. Indeed, he was a brave man to declare this celebration in a season that seemed to have very little to be thankful for. But what is often overlooked is the woman behind the effort to make this a holiday worth celebrating. As is often true in life there is a “behind the scenes” lady of persuasion, a humble yet determined crusader of a concept. Sarah Josepha Hale’s Pursuit of Education Sarah Josepha Hale was born in 1788 to Captain Gordon Buell and Martha Whittlesay Buell. Having been educated […]

As I eagerly opened a package for the new phone cover I had ordered not even 24 hours before, the question darted across my mind: “I wonder how much money I spent on Amazon Prime this week?” It was quickly followed with, “Am I actually saving money or am I spending more than normal because I can have this or that with the swipe of that beautiful ‘Buy Now’ button?” I decided to fast from ordering online for one month as an experiment. First day was no problem. I didn’t need anything since I’d just gotten a package the day before. The second day it would have really come in handy to have some pacifiers delivered (pacifiers, socks, and hair ties… it’s […]

“You mean we drove all the way down here for nothing?” the couple asked. I was in the volunteer check-in line for the annual Thanksgiving dinner hosted by the Salvation Army in Tucson. The man and woman in front of me were clearly annoyed. They were told that, because of a glitch in the computer system, if they hadn’t received confirmation when they registered online, then their names weren’t recorded. And now the volunteer positions were filled. But if they came back at noon, maybe they could help with clean-up. The volunteer coordinator was apologetic as the irritated couple turned away, muttering to themselves. My First Thanksgiving Alone When it was my turn, I admitted I was one of the registered-but-not-registered volunteers […]

Gratitude sits with you differently in November. Makes you feel toasty, like the hygge of fire-side reading. Slows your steps, your heart, your soul. You welcome her to your table with a carefully laid-out china and your best chair. In November, gratitude is the easy-to-get-along-with friend. Her company is pleasant and light. She shares gentle wisdom. Notes the gift of long sleep, chilled air in the lungs, sun hanging steady. Pulls you to a crimson-red maple leaf. “God loves you like that,” she says, eyes dancing. She’s a constant companion, but she’s not pesky. Doesn’t require much. Maybe a photo snapped once a day. A short caption written for Instagram or Facebook. Or a hand-penned journal line. She’s mostly invitation, though we […]

Once upon a time, years and many prayers ago, I started a little group for women who wanted to pray for their marriages. Every month we would get together in person, but every Monday, I sent out an encouraging email on marriage. There were only three rules: 1. What happens in Warrior Wives Club stays in Warrior Wives Club. 2. No husband bashing. Although transparency is encouraged, you want to speak about your husband the way you would want him to speak about you. 3. Commit to praying not only for your spouse but the other marriages in the group. Prayer Works The group grew over time to dozens of women in 11 states and three countries. Prayer works (#obvi) and struggling […]

In a world that is constantly changing, we are all tired. We may not realize it, but we are all longing for Home, for a place to lay our head and rest. What is “Home” to you? As I reflected on this question, I realized that, for me, it means many different things. Home is a physical place filled with family. It’s a sturdy, brick house, lived in for nine years in Cincinnati, Ohio. We have made it our own over the years: gutting the first floor, putting in a new kitchen and hardwood floors, painting the walls, moving furniture around. A vegetable garden grows out back, brimming with lettuce, tomatoes, and green beans, making my heart happy. As we’ve made our […]

Recently, our oldest child made the leap from high school to college. And I don’t mean college a couple of hours away—I mean really away. She has had it in her head for a long time that she wanted to be in Florida (and not just for college, but permanently) so off she went from Virginia Beach to Miami Beach. In just a few days’ time, our family dynamic changed, and we all felt it. My husband suffered the most, really feeling gutted that his baby was gone. He would comment about her car not being in the driveway, missing her late-night pass throughs to chat while we struggled to keep our eyes open, and even having extra food left over at […]

Mayhem ran amuck as I scurried to get my children ready for an appointment. I barked orders to my older children while attempting to subdue my toddler, who gleefully ran away from me naked as a jaybird. “Are you brushing your teeth?” I yelled up the stairs, still struggling to put a diaper on my son, which was about as easy as wrestling an alligator. When he was finally dressed, I popped him on my hip to deter any further escape, and hurried upstairs to check on my 5 and 6 year olds. Do you think they were obediently dressed and ready for the day? Nope, of course not. In normal 5-year-old fashion, the toys I had neatly put away the night […]

The boys were ages 5, 7, and 9 when my daughter Summer and son-in-law Josh brought them home to America—three brothers from Uganda who had known significant trauma. I love these grandsons even though they don’t carry my DNA. In the eight years the boys have belonged in our family, Summer has shared books and helped me become more aware of early childhood trauma. I still see the side effects of trauma in my grandsons, but I’m amazed at the healing God is producing and how far these three have come. I believe it’s important that we who are on the fringes of adoption and foster care have a better grasp of the journey—we being the family, friends, and church family members. […]

In their most powerful form, words have the ability to shape one’s character, self-esteem, and relationships. They can impact us for better or worse for the rest of our lives. As moms, our words in particular shape our children, and the longer my motherhood journey continues, the more I discover this to be true. I’ve witnessed the positive impact of my words—evidenced by my girls’ grins, hugs, and outward joy—as well as the pain that my words can illicit, spoken in the moments of impatience or anger. Both can have a lingering effect. If you’re like me and looking to add more life-giving phrases to your everyday vernacular, here are 8 things (outside of “I love you”) you should consider saying to […]

So your man is a pretty wonderful guy. Things are going so well. You might have even married him. What in the world could mess this up? Oh, the mother of his kids! Baby mama drama began with the start of civilization—think Abraham from the Bible. Sparks were going off between Sarah (his wife) and Hagar (baby mama). Abraham couldn’t deal with the drama and finally shipped Hagar off with their child—never to be seen again. Even if that is your fantasy, it isn’t going to happen—nor should it. The modern reality is that almost half (46%) of marriages involve a step-parent situation.1 When your relationship first started, dreams of the Brady Bunch may have been circling in your head. But reality […]

It’s a great time to begin mending fences. Not the ones in the back 40 of the ranch where very few of us currently live; I’m talking about the fences that require repair between us. We all experience damaged or broken relationships. Admittedly, some relationships are beyond repair, but most of the time, that’s not the case. So ask yourself, do you really want to be 90 years old, comfortable in your lift chair, and remember a relationship you once had? Pondering the friend you lost because of anger over something you can no longer recall? The sibling rivalry you never outgrew? Or the parent you walked away from? Probably not. So, how do you manage this repair process before the knees give […]

I see you over there, sitting in the audience filled with families—moms and dads, grandparents and children. I see you juggling your toddler, holding your baby, and trying with all of your might to get a good video of your kindergartener on stage in his first-ever school play. I see you there. Alone. I see you at t-ball games and ballet drop-off, every time, just you. I see you making dinner in shifts, keeping a plate warm with tin foil as you eat with the kids, because you know he’ll be hungry when he comes home. I see you doing bath time, story time, breakfast, and middle of the night feedings by yourself. All alone. I see you feeling so lonely you […]

We spend our lives learning how to make friends. In early childhood we learn to share and play nice. We introduce ourselves, smile big, try to do the right things, and hope they like us. In school we strive to fit in, to establish and keep friends. We do things to be cool and impress others—sometimes at the cost of our personal beliefs and feelings. In life, we all want to find our people and have a tight-knit group. I have made new friends through all phases of my life: as a child and young adult, at college, in my married life (and in my divorced life), in motherhood, in small groups at church, at work and at various events. I have […]

When I moved to the east coast of Canada, I didn’t know a soul. It was a big move during the most difficult time in my life. I was a stay at home mom, doing little things to make ends meet and homeschooling my kids. It wasn’t easy, but slowly we began to make friends. One friend, in particular, owned a home decor store in town. I’ll never forget the day I asked if she would consider hiring me. I was shaking and stumbling over my words as my nerves took over. I could just feel my fair skin explode into a brilliant lobster shade of red which I could not hide. Although I had little confidence in myself at the time, […]

Change. It is a certainty. It never ceases to amaze me how life can completely change in the blink of an eye. It invigorates me and leaves me a little terrified at the same time. We often go about subconsciously believing that we will live forever—that time is always there. The mind is amazing how it can trick us in that way. But we rarely fully experience the present, even though it is the only thing that is certain about our time here on earth. Experiencing the sudden death of my father and the traumatic birth of my daughter (born with a rare genetic disorder) heightened my awareness of how life can turn on a dime. I’m sure many of you have had similar life curve balls. Yet, we know […]

If you were a victim of child abuse or neglect like me, you very likely have experienced or do experience some level of shame. In my case, it plagued me for many years, yet I had no idea what it even was. Shame from abuse is hard to pin down because it assumes many forms. But it has the same message. It tells us that we are inferior, a mistake, fundamentally flawed. Shame Is Not the Same as Guilt Shame focuses on self. Guilt focuses on behavior. Shame says that “I am bad.” Guilt says that “I did something bad.” Instead of saying “I made a mistake,” a person who experiences shame says that “I am a mistake.” Think of shame as […]

Every day for nearly six years, I had to walk by a line of misshapen, horribly trimmed, oblong, and funky shrubs to get to my front door. Some years, I’d take shears and gently prune the gangly branches in hopes that the new growth would sprout forth as effortlessly and symmetrically as it appeared our neighbor’s shrubs did every spring. Other years, my frustration led me to our battery-powered hedge trimmer. At first, I was a bit intimidated by it. Me? Someone who trimmed hedges? With power tools, no less? But after I got comfortable with the safety button, I was ready to cut back any unruly branch or out-of-place landscaping around our house. “What have you done?” my husband kindly asked […]