| The Grit and Grace Project

a woman smiling while being kissed on the forehead by her green-flag man

How to Spot a Green-Flag Man

About three years into widowhood, I thought, “You know, maybe I could get married again.” And so I entered the dating arena—slightly terrified and very much out of practice. The dates I ventured out on started with coffee, and then expanded to dinner, a movie, a hike, browsing around in the great outdoors. And it was fun until it wasn’t, when red warning flags started waving every which way. We women tend to do one of three things with the fluttering red flags (and I’m guilty of this): We either a) don’t recognize the warning; b) compromise by saying, “I can live with that;” or c) mistakenly think we can change the man. After the dating dust settled, I decided I was […]

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5 Tips for When You Want to Re-Enter the Dating World

By Shannon Degarmo / Relationships

Dating can be hard for anyone—the thought of doing it again after having a rough go of it might seem daunting. However, you have the chance to make it into a positive experience this time around. After all, we’ve become wiser with age and have certainly learned a few lessons, right? Here are a few tips that I focused on when I was ready to date again after my divorce: 1. Make sure you are healed from past broken relationships. It takes time to overcome the effects of a painful divorce. And, the best part is, you’ve got a lot of time. You can’t really give yourself fully to another person if you are a splintered spirit. Allow yourself the time it takes to walk

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How Breaking Up Made Me a Strong Woman

By Ashley Johnson / Relationships

Once upon a time, I was in a five-year relationship. There were good times and bad times, but overall—it was just a lot of time. A lot of shared experiences. A lot of shared life. It was a devastating loss at the time, but, now, I’m so grateful for the experience because breaking up made me a strong woman. Yes, I was sad when we went our separate ways. But more than anything, I was so incredibly lost. I didn’t know what to do with my time. I didn’t even know what I liked to do. I had no idea who I was by myself. I wasn’t exactly a fan of feeling my emotional pain; what I really wanted to do was fast-forward

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3 Things to Do When You Feel Broken and Unlovable

By Jessica Harris / Relationships

How many of us can honestly say we’ve made it through life with no regrets? It seems almost inevitable that we’ll make some poor decision, say something wrong, or choose the wrong door at some point. But what do you do when it feels like your choices make you unlovable? Years ago, I sat on a hilltop in North Dakota with my then-boyfriend. I knew within hours of my plane landing that this relationship wasn’t going to work out. We weren’t connecting, and I had followed him all over his rain-soaked farm more like a lost duckling than an endearing girlfriend. As the wind whipped against the side of the truck, he stared out the windshield, tears welling in his eyes. I

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7 Money Tips When You Are Thinking Marriage

7 Money Tips When You’re Thinking Marriage

By Darlene Brock / Work & Money, Relationships

Before you take the plunge from dating to marriage, there are a few things that you and that “oh he’s so darn cute and sweet—nothing else matters!” guy you’re smitten with need to discuss. One biggie that every couple needs to have a serious conversation about is money. Yep, the subject we all want to avoid… but this is one of the top issues that lead to divorce. So a smart girl takes care of business applying these money tips before it ever becomes a problem. Here are the top money tips you need to know and do: 1. Talk about it! You need to discuss everything before you put on that wedding dress, so don’t avoid this subject; jump in. It

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Are You Settling for a Red Flag Guy?

By Marlys Johnson Lawry / Relationships

“What do you do to your hair?” he asked. My red hair had faded to a nice shade of strawberry blonde through the years, and now a strip of white framed my face. “I know that women in this outdoorsy community like to let their hair go white, but I hope you won’t,” said the man with the white hair. That same day he asked, “Do you like to dress up or wear makeup?” Um, you just took me to a movie, not Carnegie Hall. I’m wearing a cute sweater, my favorite jeans, dressy boots, and makeup, thank you. Apparently, this man wanted me to change my outward appearance. It was a red flag. But I didn’t recognize it as such. Are

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I Thought He’d Propose on Valentine’s Day—He Broke Up Instead

By Torrie Sorge / Relationships

It was Valentine’s Day. We sat on my small, tan microfiber loveseat in my sparsely decorated apartment. The night had been perfect. Dinner at our favorite local restaurant. A bouquet of flowers along with gifts of chocolates and a stuffed animal. My heart swelled in anticipation of how I dreamed the night would end. A Change in Relationship Status I knew six months wasn’t very long, but for a girl in her senior year of college in a town where most of my friends had been engaged by now, I felt the clock ticking. At the perfect moment, just when I thought it wouldn’t happen, he would release my hand to retrieve one more gift from his pocket. He would slip from

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This Is What I Learned About People Who Ghost You

By Carla Howatt / Relationships

Remember in high school when your life revolved around your friends? Oh, the drama! Who was talking to whom, who was crushing on which guy, who was talking behind someone else’s back? After all, we had nothing else to keep us occupied; no jobs, no kids, no husbands. In a lot of ways, it was a relief when we moved past that part of our life. When you become an adult, your relationships change. They become deeper, richer, and often more authentic. As adults, we can support each other through the dark valleys of life and celebrate the times we are at the top of the mountain. Over the years and throughout the stages of a woman’s life, friendships bring an intense

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Is Marriage Just a Piece of Paper? Or Is It Something More?

By Darlene Brock / Relationships

It appears a lot of women are waiting for their man to propose. They have been a couple for a while, and she finds herself wondering where their relationship is going. Is what they have enough? Their dating relationship, which started as an exhilarating sprint, has turned into a 100K marathon, one where the finish line never appears. Many men today are simply not getting down on that knee (or however you envision it) and asking the all-important question: “Will you marry me?” While I watch the single women around me who are dating and wondering about their future, I know this extends far outside of the world in which I reside. Further evidence comes from this very website, Grit and Grace.

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You, Your Man, and His Baby Mama All Need Grit and Grace

By Dr. Zoe / Relationships

So your man is a pretty wonderful guy. Things are going so well. You might have even married him. What in the world could mess this up? Oh, the mother of his kids! Baby mama drama began with the start of civilization—think Abraham from the Bible. Sparks were going off between Sarah (his wife) and Hagar (baby mama). Abraham couldn’t deal with the drama and finally shipped Hagar off with their child—never to be seen again. Even if that is your fantasy, it isn’t going to happen—nor should it. The modern reality is that almost half (46%) of marriages involve a step-parent situation.1 When your relationship first started, dreams of the Brady Bunch may have been circling in your head. But reality

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My Independence Day—Choosing Between My Self-Worth and His Selfishness

My Independence Day—Choosing Between His Selfishness and My Self-Worth

By Jill Littig / Relationships

When I stormed out of Jimmy’s apartment, mid-dinner on the Fourth of July, I left the peach and raspberry pie I had made behind. We’d spent the morning apart. I stayed at my apartment baking and thought he was sleeping late at his. Instead, he went water skiing with a mutual friend. I loved water skiing, and he knew it. I’d Gotten Used to His Selfishness at the Cost of My Self-Worth His ability to push me aside started to feel like a natural reflex. The missing sensitivity in him was made up by his family, so it took me a while to realize he was truly a jerk. There on his balcony, mid-bite into my hamburger, he bragged about his morning.

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Ask Dr. Zoe – My Boyfriend Hasn’t Proposed but Wants Me to Wear a Ring. Should I?

By Dr. Zoe / Ask Dr. Zoe

‘Darcy’ asked: My boyfriend and I have been together about 6 years. We don’t live together. He knows I’d like a commitment (at least engagement). I’m 50 years old and absolutely hate having a “boyfriend.” He talks about our future and says he wants to marry me, but always has a new timeline. He’s bought me a couple rings (not engagement and definitely not proposal) and says he wants me to wear a ring on my left hand at all times. I’ve expressed many times that I don’t understand why he won’t at least change his Facebook status to say he’s in a relationship. Honestly his status is irrelevant to me—I guess it’s more that I’m trying to prove a point to

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You, Your Man, and His Baby Mama All Need Grit and Grace

By Dr. Zoe / Relationships

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Dating? Don’t Settle for Less with Rebecca St. James – 243

By Smart Living with Grit and Grace / Podcast

Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Amazon Music | Android | TuneIn | RSS | MoreYou may have seen the movie “Unsung Hero” and learned a little about the childhood and career of Christian singer and songwriter Rebecca St. James. But we thought we would revisit an earlier episode of This Grit and Grace Life podcast when Rebecca joined the show to chat about another important part of her life: dating and finding “the one.” Landing your forever-after prince isn’t always so clear-cut. We wonder whether he’s out there, how long it’ll take to find him, and if we’ll even recognize him when the moment arrives. We can even get so frustrated with the wait that we might be tempted to settle

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If Your Man Didn’t Propose (But Should Have) Read This

By Dr. Zoe / Relationships

To the girl who didn’t get the engagement you were expecting, this is what you need to do to finally get a commitment… You tried not to get your hopes up, but deep down you feel like it is time. He’s the man of your dreams and he says you are the woman of his. You’ve been together long enough for him to know if he wants to make that big commitment. And it doesn’t help that it seems like everyone’s boyfriend is popping the question these days! Maybe you were hoping it would happen over the holidays… Then, Valentine’s Day… Or, perhaps you were daydreaming about the perfectly planned summer proposal leading to a beautiful fall marriage. You even dropped some

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How to Know if Your Boyfriend is a Charity Case

By Dr. Zoe / Relationships

Defining a Fixer What is a “fixer”? A fixer is someone who feels best when helping others. If they see someone who is less fortunate, their first inclination is to try to remedy the situation. They have a keen sense of the unfairness in the world and strive to correct it. They will volunteer to help and are generally charitable people. If you recognize that you are a fixer, that’s great! It’s a wonderful quality to have. Fixers are nurturing, giving, and empathic. They often do a great amount of good, meaningful work in this world—think Mother Teresa and Ghandi. But unfortunately, many fixers expand that need to fix into their romantic relationships, causing devastation for all. Ask Yourself These to Know if

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My Boyfriend Brings Me Flowers, Is That Enough?

By Darlene Brock / Relationships

Your boyfriend brings you flowers, treats you to dinner, and maybe even buys you a gift. Sweet things that indicate he could be the “rest of my life” partner but is that all you want? Or perhaps that’s what he did when you first started dating, but less so now. And the other things you might be looking for haven’t yet appeared. Maybe you’ve compromised on some things you thought were important. Or accepted some that you didn’t think you would accept. This happens to nearly every woman who is seeking that ever-after relationship. The concessions don’t happen quickly; they occur slowly, often without even realizing you’re giving up what you thought you had found. Settling for the opposite of what you

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