| The Grit and Grace Project

Ask Dr. Zoe – How To Heal Emotionally After Hurt, Betrayal and Divorce

‘Beijing_Mom’ Asked: My husband and I are in the process of a divorce after being married 20 yrs. I found out he was a porn addict and also that he had given me a STD from other sexual adventures. Lucky for me antibiotics could get rid of this one. The biggest hurt wasn’t the adultery but the years of self hate and anger that he projected onto me. We lived overseas so I couldn’t leave early with our children. The disdain, lack of intimacy, manipulation and anger I experienced from him has left me battered. I’ve been told maybe I have PTSD and I know something is wrong with me. I used to put all my faith in God and think the […]

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Here Are the 10 Commandments to Be a Great Stepmom

By Sharita Hanley / Motherhood, Relationships

If someone had told me that I was going to be a stepmom at 21 years old, aka a bonus mom, I would have laughed in their face. Not because I hated kids or because I was rude, but simply because working to become a great stepmom wasn’t a part of my plan. Funny how life works like that, isn’t it? You see, when I was younger, I was convinced—without a doubt—that I was going to be a traveling nomad. Laugh all you want, but it’s true. I’d always loved traveling, exploring new places, immersing myself in a different culture, and writing about it. But six years after graduating, I married a divorced man with two precious kiddos and my role as

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Ask Dr. Zoe – Grieving Divorce

By Dr. Zoe / Ask Dr. Zoe

‘Running Turtle’ Asked: My marriage broke up about 7 months ago. In the last few days, we’ve been seriously discussing divorce. I’ve been grieving the last 7 months, but these conversations have brought on new, almost overwhelming waves of grief, how do I cope? Dr. Zoe Answered: Dear Running Turtle, I’m glad you used the word grief because that’s exactly what you are doing—grieving. Grief sucks always, but it is a necessary and healthy process when dealing with your loss. This is your season for grief. Feel it, eat some ice cream, wallow in it for a minute, scream, cry—get it out! Stop telling yourself it is overwhelming. It just is. Saying your grief is overwhelming is like saying water is too

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Ask Dr. Zoe – How to Co-Parent With a Toxic Ex

By Dr. Zoe / Ask Dr. Zoe

‘Paulette’ Asked: How do you coparent with a toxic ex? Someone who is manipulative, a compulsive liar even to the courts and doesn’t put the kids’ best interests first. Dr. Zoe Answered: You can’t! It’s that simple, but let me explain. The concept of co-parenting is a wonderful one and parents who have picked up this torch have served their children well through their separation. But, I think it has also been damaging to others who see it as attainable in their situation. Co-parenting isn’t for everyone and it certainly won’t work in every scenario. And it won’t work in yours if your ex is truly all those things you just described. You can’t co-parent with someone who is toxic, unreasonable and

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You, Your Man, and His Baby Mama All Need Grit and Grace

By Dr. Zoe / Relationships

So your man is a pretty wonderful guy. Things are going so well. You might have even married him. What in the world could mess this up? Oh, the mother of his kids! Baby mama drama began with the start of civilization—think Abraham from the Bible. Sparks were going off between Sarah (his wife) and Hagar (baby mama). Abraham couldn’t deal with the drama and finally shipped Hagar off with their child—never to be seen again. Even if that is your fantasy, it isn’t going to happen—nor should it. The modern reality is that almost half (46%) of marriages involve a step-parent situation.1 When your relationship first started, dreams of the Brady Bunch may have been circling in your head. But reality

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You, Your Man, and His Baby Mama All Need Grit and Grace

By Dr. Zoe / Relationships

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Being an Adult Child of Divorce—at the Holidays

By Carolyn Gordon / Relationships

As an adult child of divorce, there are many tricky dynamics and raw emotions that are bound to arise. Now, throw in a heaping dose of family togetherness, eye-to-eye conversations around the dinner table, and memories from the past that tend to creep in this time of year and it can make for an interesting scene. It’s a club I never anticipated being a member of, but I am learning not just to survive this time of year, but to find new ways to cherish it and embrace it even more. Here are some of the things I have slowly learned when it comes to divorce. What you need to know as an adult child of divorce (especially at the holidays) 1.

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This Is My Story of Domestic Abuse

By SarahBeth Pappagallo / Relationships

There was a time when I never wanted to talk about it, at least not publicly. I never thought I would. In fact, several years into my journey, the majority of people around me saw nothing but smiles. Truth was, my world was unraveling into devastating chaos. It was never due to shame and not even due to denial. But in today’s world, it seems that everyone is desperate to have a cause. Everyone wants a platform. No matter the scenario, there is always someone looking to somehow identify themselves with the pain of a situation or a cause to gain sympathy. And quite frankly, it cheapens and leaves those that have actually walked the dark paths of pain silent. Women and

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Should I Be Staying for the Kids Even If My Marriage Isn't Working?

Should I Consider Staying for the Kids, Even If My Marriage Isn’t Working?

By Dr. Zoe / Relationships

So, you’ve got a husband and you’ve got kids. This marriage isn’t working. You’ve tried and you’ve tried (I hope you’ve tried), and it’s not getting better. You put off thinking about it to get your family through the holidays. Another year has gone by and it’s smack in your face again. You don’t know what’s worse. Staying for the kids or going? It’s a tortuous, painful place to be. There are repercussions on both sides of your decision and they matter. I want to honor how hard this is for you. Should You Stay or Get a Divorce? I’m not a proponent of divorce. In fact, my life’s work is helping couples improve their relationships, but I am also not someone who

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Ask Dr. Zoe – How Do I Co-parent with a Toxic Ex?

By Our Grit and Grace Life Videos / Ask Dr. Zoe

This is a tough situation. You and the person you had once believed would be a part of your forever are no longer on good terms—they’re toxic, selfish and manipulative. And to make the situation more difficult, you share a child (or children) together. So how do you successfully co-parent with someone who you’re not sure you can trust? Dr. Zoe Shaw, a licensed psychotherapist and relationship coach, shares the truth behind your expectations and how you can still create a healthy, thriving environment to raise your children.

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Divorced and Remarried: The Life I Never Wanted and the Life I’m Blessed To Have

By Adina Larson / Relationships, Best Of

I often find myself in a weird place. It’s a place where there is a push and pull between what has happened, what could have been, and what is happening. Divorced and remarried. And I often find myself feeling guilty or ashamed when I experience this juxtaposition of happiness and sadness. I Am Divorced I am divorced. My ex-husband and I have three sons together. When I got married in 2011 at the age of 24, all I saw in front of me was a happy, hopeful, exciting life that he and I were beginning together. We had a lot of good, fun times together; and, of course like any relationship, but especially marriage, there were some really tough, tense times. Those hard

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Divorce Was Not in the Plan

By Darlene Brock / Relationships, Best Of

I have walked alongside two ladies I dearly love as they were suffering the heartbreak of divorce. Their disappointment, disbelief, and pain were palpable in every breath they breathed. I know for them this was never the intention when marriage began. Truly, I don’t believe that anyone making this vow purposely, giving their whole heart as well as their all, believe this commitment will not last forever. The truth is the institution of marriage was designed for “till death do us part.” It was created as a life partnership, sharing every segment of this journey. Only ending when one of the “two shall become one” leaves this world. That is not only the intention of marriage, but it is by far the

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My Ex, My Kids and a Funeral

By Christi Anderson / Relationships

It was a Monday; I was waiting for my daughter to complete her dance class when an unlikely conversation began. The lady sitting with me was speaking of her brother, her best friend. Any time something funny, strange, sad, or just life happened, she would reach for the phone and call him. He was the one she shared everything with. Yet, on this day she found herself repeating the same phrase, “I can’t believe he is gone.” I sat and listened. I couldn’t offer any words of wisdom or comfort. I had a best friend like that … my husband. I would call him or text him constantly. He was my go-to person and the one I shared everything with. He was

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Ask Dr. Zoe – Dealing with Blended Families and Different Household Rules

By Dr. Zoe / Ask Dr. Zoe

‘A Mom Trying to Figure It Out’ Asked: Blended Family Rules I seem to have a mess of questions lately. Most all revolve around my blended family where children are raised in two households. I would like to know how to thrive not only survive (surviving seems to be the best I can do some days). One of many questions I have is how to handle the things a stepchild (age 9) brings into my home that I am not comfortable with or how I am parenting my biological child (age 3). Specifically, things like violent video games allowed for the stepchild that I don’t allow for my own. I know that as they grow older, there will only be more instances

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4 Simple Ways to Care for Kids After Divorce

By Ashley Vancil / Motherhood

One of the hardest parts about divorce with children is trying to stay on level ground. Let’s be real, divorce is never easy, but when there are children involved it makes things a lot more complicated. The thing we need to remember, though, is that our kids aren’t divorcing when we do. They didn’t choose this path. It is where they were placed and finding a way to make that transition easier for them should be the main goal for everyone involved. Having young children, I have realized that through this process they crave and need the same things from both sides: security, communication, and love. Pretty simple, you would think, but so many factors play into making it happen. Going between

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I Wanted a Divorce, but God Did This Instead

By Claudia Gomez / Faith, Relationships

Most think that contemplating the D-word—divorce—especially as a woman of faith, must have been the result of this big fall in the marriage where one or the other cheated or ran off and did something that shocks everyone. Reality is, the thought of divorce can creep up and haunt you quietly for years for reasons that may seem to be minuscule. The continuous fights or disagreements on parenting, the missed opportunities to get away alone, the lack of dates, romancing, and conversations that don’t revolve around adulting, the forgotten anniversaries, the lack of excitement and pursuing of one another, the strains of work, parenting and every other responsibility, the bitterness and lack of forgiveness that builds up from a simple reply that

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How to Thrive as a Blended Family With Dr. Zoe Shaw – 131

By Smart Living with Grit and Grace / Podcast

Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Amazon Music | Android | TuneIn | RSS | More Families are together a LOT these days, and this can be challenging! But blended families? They are facing unique struggles. With this in mind, we invited licensed therapist and relationship expert, Dr. Zoe Shaw, back to share some practical success strategies for blending families. Even if this isn’t your family dynamic, these are insights we all can use, especially now. Co-hosts Darlene Brock and Julie Graham ask a lot of questions but do even more listening as Dr. Zoe discusses jealousy, healthy boundaries, comparison, and house rules. Listen in and share these helpful tips with another grit and grace mama today! Viewing in an app? Full

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