To the Mom Who Is Starting to Doubt Herself
Are there times you wonder if you’ll ever find complete fulfillment? As a stay at home mom, I am often chasing after something, whether it be my family, blogging, friends, or my appearance. All of those things leave me with a slight emptiness, even motherhood. I adore my son, and I know motherhood is a gift. But, even in motherhood, I struggle to find my worth.
Am I good enough as a mom? Could I be better? Am I doing this right? All these questions flood my mind on a daily basis and call in wonder over whether or not I am right for my son. Could someone else have done a better job? I know in my heart that the answer is no, but those doubts can briefly eclipse it in my mind. As darkness and ickiness of not feeling enough cast shadows, I become suddenly aware that the light has diminished. But it’s never gone. John 1:5 reminds us that “The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.”
Just because we feel like we are alone in a brief spiritual battle against evil does not mean that evil is stronger than the one who created the light.
Want to hear something that makes you remarkable? God chose you for your child. He knows you, he sees you, he hears you, and he doesn’t make mistakes. You became a parent because God chose you as a parent, and he decided that you should be the mother to your son(s) or daughter(s) whom he created. God knows your strengths and weaknesses, and he knows that when you don’t rely on him to maintain strength or overcome your weaknesses, you fail. But, as I have said before, failure does not mean you are not enough for your child.
Are they fed? Clothed? Clean? Loved? Hearing about and seeing examples of Jesus throughout your home? Then great! What then makes you feel as though you aren’t enough?
Our self-criticism stems from many things. Perhaps you haven’t been tuning in to God’s voice and instead are guiding yourself through this insane journey. He knows what lies ahead; we don’t.
What would happen if we were to try to drive a car while blindfolded? We’d crash, possibly burn, and the car will definitely be totaled. That’s why we let him drive the car, and sometimes he takes shotgun and is our navigator while trusting us to take the wheel. You would never hit mute on a GPS while navigating an unknown route, and neither should you hit mute on God.
When we aren’t listening to him, we are listening to all that is not him. And maybe this is your downfall. God is love, goodness, grace, mercy, patience, kindness, just. It’s no surprise that when I am not reading the Bible, I don’t hear these things, or feel them, or experience them to their fullest. It then becomes hard to demonstrate those Christlike qualities towards my child and husband. This creates a snowball effect which leaves us at the bottom of a very large hill, covered in muck. Don’t allow yourself to slip down that dangerous slope; it’s a black diamond coated with glass shards and bottomless pits. When we begin listening to the voices that don’t whisper God’s goodness, we start towards that hill and when we start believing the lies is when we launch down its decline, getting scratched, bruised, and scarred along the way.
It isn’t only the whispers of the enemy that have us feeling like we aren’t enough. It is also where we place our joy. Are you content with what you do? Can it be that maybe being a mom isn’t entirely satisfying to you? I completely understand, and I’ve been there. I tried so many things after having my son, Ezra, to make myself feel fulfilled. Going from working to staying at home was a hard adjustment, more than I anticipated.
Before I was a mom, I was a teacher; I was making a difference. Then I became a stay at home mom and felt irrelevant. But choosing to place our joy in a title or circumstance is a mistake. David wrote in Psalm 28:7 “The LORD is my strength and shield. I trust him with all my heart. He helps me, and my heart is filled with joy. I burst out in songs of thanksgiving.”
David may have been a man after God’s own heart, but he wasn’t without hardships (and probably more than I will encounter during my life). He found constant joy because he sought it in the right place. Instead of looking for worth in motherhood, marriage, or work, you need to anchor yourself in the Lord.
It seems silly to anchor ourselves to things that constantly change, but God never does. He is every bit of powerful and almighty as he was before the earth existed, and unlike the other things we try to fill ourselves with, he doesn’t lose flavor like a stick of Juicy Fruit. He is unmovable, unshakable, and everything that is good.
Thank the Lord for his grace and mercy with us, in moments when we don’t seek him, aren’t listening to him, or are placing our joy in something else. He knows us, and he hears us when we cry out for him. He watches us as we try to maneuver ourselves towards a dead end and is there to navigate us out. He shines an inextinguishable light and is always there to tell us that we are loved, we are chosen, and we are enough.
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Don’t miss this podcast episode from This Grit and Grace Life: Stop the Mommy Wars: Every Mom Is Doing Something Right – 045!
You’ll also like these articles: Have You Ever Said It? “I’m Not Good Enough.”, Dear SAHM: I See You and Want You to Know These 8 Things, Chutes and Ladders—Are You Trying to Work Your Way to God?, Not Sure How to Answer the Question: “What’s Your Why?”, Why I Decided to Pick Up My Son for the Last Time, and Comforting Thoughts For Moms on Rough Days.
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