In the spirit of keeping it real with you, I thought I’d write today on how much of a hot mess I am. Side note, it’s currently 3:53 pm (I like to call this time the witching hour in our house), and I’m hiding in a dark room listening to my 5-year-old “make juice” for supper. If you already have kids then you know how bad this is and if you don’t, then let me tell you, it’s bad. I just don’t have the energy today to stop him. And I’m in over my head.
It probably started last night but it’s all kind of a blur right now. I went to visit a friend’s new place after dropping my teenage daughter off at dance. That was right after the big meltdown she had because I wouldn’t allow her to hang out with friends later that evening since she had slept in and missed her early morning vocal class. Not the first time either. Of course, it “wasn’t her fault,” it was “the alarm clock’s fault,” even though she never set the alarm clock… And, “I’m ruining her life for literally no reason.” OK, am I missing something here? Anyway, on the way, I decided to stop and grab some decaf tea for us. I usually always doublecheck to make sure it’s actually decaf (yes, I know I’m like 90 years old but I seriously can’t handle caffeine after 2 pm), but this time I didn’t.
Today, I’m in over my head.
You’d think that I would’ve realized what I had done when I was lying there at 12 am—wide awake—but I didn’t. Instead, I did what any normal person would do and started googling things like sleep disorders and postpartum depression. By 1:30 am, I had fully diagnosed myself and was already spiraling out of control trying to figure out how I would run my life with such a disorder. I started having a complete mental breakdown by 3:30 am as I watched my 7-month-old sleep peacefully, knowing I was going to pay the next day. I’m paying…
By 4:15 am, I think I finally drifted off and snoozed my alarm at 7 am. I realized by 8 am that I had to have the kids to school by 8:15 am and be at the doctor’s office by 9 am so that my 7-month-old could get immunized (a month late, can you see a pattern here?) and my 16-year-old could get re-immunized because she got her measles, mumps, and rubella shot five days too early 15 years ago, so it doesn’t count.
Here Comes the Mom Guilt
I got the boys to school late. Cue the mom guilt now. I spilled an entire coffee all over my car on the way because I insist on using my favorite travel mug even though I know it doesn’t fit in my cup holder. It’s just so nice to drink from. I now have no coffee and am running off of four hours of sleep. Did I mention I drove the entire way while breast pumping? Not one of my finest moments.
The house is a mess, my car is a mess, I’ve got 13 loads of laundry to do, and somewhere between this morning and now there have been multiple outfit changes due to explosive baby poops and vomits, a reminder that the hydro bill needs to be paid… And did I mention I am dreading the fractions homework my 6th grader brought home that I already know I can’t do?
We’ve had two meltdowns, one because we can’t eat Kit Kats for supper and the other because I’m looking at him funny. Oh, and a baseball through the drywall. Would you believe me if I said I could go on?
Mom, You’re Not Alone
It’s definitely been one of those days today and you’re probably wondering why I’m sharing this with you.
For starters, I wanted this article to be real. I don’t want to share perfectly put-together pages and happy posts only. I want to share the truth with you. The good, the bad, and the ugly. This is the ugly.
These are the days that push me to my limits. That make me want to throw in the towel, order a bucket of chicken, and binge-watch Netflix while those tiny humans wreak havoc in the other room. My kids make an episode of Nanny 911 look tame, and if I’m being completely honest, they make me question myself altogether, and how I will ever do it all over again tomorrow?
Maybe you’re a seasoned mom and this article is sounding all too familiar to you. Maybe you’re a new mom and you’re wondering what you’ve gotten yourself into. Or, maybe you’re not a mom yet but you want to be. If that’s you, don’t run; I promise you it’s worth it!
On days like today, I have learned to simply hang on for the ride and do the best that I can until bedtime! I know that I will survive, that I will sleep, and that tomorrow will be better. Not every day is going to be perfect. It never is, but I know for myself, that I always find encouragement when I hear other women share her real stuff. I always feel slightly better when I hear another woman tell me they have a load of laundry in the washer that might have been there for a day or two.
With Grit + Grace, You’ve Got This
Maybe I can’t sit down with you and share it all over a cup of coffee, but if I could I would probably tell you that I’m learning that motherhood is messy.
That even the best moms sometimes lose their cool and that although today didn’t turn out the way I had planned, I am reminded that God gives us grit and grace for each day, and it’s new every morning.
Hopefully, this post will allow you to take some comfort in knowing that there are other women out there (like me) who once in a while have to throw up their hands and send out an SOS. That The Grit and Grace Project will be a place where you will find a community of women who “really get it” and who will be honest about the laundry that’s been sitting in the washer for days. And that you will find a group of women who can come along side you and carry the load when it becomes too much to bear. I hope this article will remind you to laugh at yourself when you’ve done something ridiculous (and you will) and remind you that motherhood is messy and it doesn’t always go according to plan, but that it’s okay because His grace is always sufficient and tomorrow is always a new day.
Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. Lamentations 3:21-23 NIV
Even the best moms sometimes lose their cool and although today didn’t turn out the way I had planned, I am reminded that God gives us grit and grace for each day, and it’s new every morning.
Laila is a Canadian girl who loves three things: faith, family, and food. A firm believer that guacamole should never be extra and miracle whip is not mayonnaise, she uses worship music as the fuel to carry her through in life.
