I saw an article a while back on a men’s website that shared what their gender thought they should talk about on a date when wanting to make a good impression. There were four topics of conversation that these Einsteins believed worked best with women: pets, travel, movies, and food.
Seriously, is that all some men think women are capable of discussing? Granted they are trying to make a good impression, theoretically wanting a second date. But ladies, aren’t we a bit more interesting and don’t we want more out of a relationship?
Most females like pets, enjoy travel, watch movies, and eat. But I think we need to come up with our own list. If it’s the first date, I get it. You are just finding your way, not wanting to venture into any conversation that may resemble stepping into a minefield…at least until you know he’s a good guy and that you’d be willing to go out with him again.
But once you get past the first few dates, if you are interested in building a real relationship, there are a lot more subjects you need to address. Besides, who wants to waste time on trivial topics when life brings many more interesting, important, and challenging subjects? There are things we ladies are certainly more concerned with discussing, things we care about deeply.
So here are 5 things to discuss when developing a healthy relationship:
1. Life and Career Goals
It’s imperative that you let the man in your life know what you have set out to do. Is there a career you are pursuing? Are there significant life goals you wish to attain? It’s also crucial that you know what his are, too. Can the paths co-exist or will they set a divergent course at some point in the future and self-destruct? Of course, every healthy relationship includes compromise in order to support one another, but it’s important to know whether or not he’s willing to do so.
The number one cause of relationship issues has to be a subject of conversation. Do you have debt; does he? Who’s a spender? Who isn’t? What are your financial priorities? This one requires eyes wide open as you move forward. Money issues can be addressed if they are discussed and plans acted upon. If not, they can be major trouble.
3. Extended Family
This is the bane of many arguments among couples. You need to get to know his extended family, and he needs to know yours. They are a great indicator of who this man will be, and yours will do the same for him. You also need to know what impact they have on his decision-making and whether or not that is a good thing. If marriage is the ultimate goal, you’re not just going to live with him; you will be a member of the rest of the team, too.
Do you want them or not? Does he? If you do, how do you want to see them raised? Do you believe in discipline? If so, what kind? It’s a pretty big problem if you want a brood of five and discover he would rather go on European vacations instead of financing a clan.
5. Faith and Values
This really shouldn’t be last on the list, because if you don’t share your faith, which essentially establishes your values, you may find that you have two very different perspectives on life and how to approach it. If your life decisions are based upon your core beliefs, but his are on a different trajectory, it’s difficult to reconcile. Should you abandon what you believe or just wait and hope that he will one day join you? Neither option is a good one. It’s better to be on the same page from the beginning.
Consider these topics and enter into each conversation with grit and grace as your relationship grows. It will take time and multiple discussions, but will also result in you understanding one another more deeply. Who knows, you may have found the right man for you!
If not, pets, travel, movies, and food—with maybe a little football or monster trucks thrown in—can be fine conversation topics for date one and two. Then move on to someone a whole lot more interesting.
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Image credit: Hernan Sanchez