Remember when you were first married and you couldn’t wait to get your hands on your man’s body? I have been in love with my man for more years than you can imagine and he still makes my heart skip a beat. Don’t get me wrong, he still drives me crazy and I’m not talking about in-the-bedroom-crazy. I’m talking picking up after himself, lowering the toilet seat, sealing the chip bag, putting dishes in the dishwasher, listening, hearing and sometimes knowing I just need a hug.
It makes no difference if you were married last month or decades ago, sexual intimacy needs to be a high priority. We women are multitaskers. We know how to get things done, take care of everything and everyone. Yet, often we are just too tired for sexual intimacy and justifiably so. Too many marriages are struggling in this department, and are unsatisfied and unmotivated to do anything about it. Don’t think you can ignore the problem. It doesn’t go away. Both men and women want to be admired, respected, loved, and cherished. Marriage is like the stock market, it can crash if you don’t watch it daily and invest at the right time. Your man and your marriage are worth the investment of your time, patience, and creativity.
Often our husbands see how busy and tired we are. They feel guilty initiating or asking, but we can see that look of desire in their eyes. Life is indeed busy with jobs, responsibilities, demands, bills, children, activities, and more. It is easy to get into a trap of not taking time for sexual intimacy. Be spontaneous, if your husband looks at you with that look, why not surprise him and just go for it, even if it is the middle of a busy crazy day. It doesn’t have to be a planned event, just slip away and go for it.
Communication is so important in all aspects of marriage. We find it easier to communicate about the kids, schedules, bills, friendships, and professions. How many of us really talk openly and honestly about our sexual needs, desires, fantasies, and dreams? Yes, we have preconceived ideas of a romantic sexual world. If only he/she would do this or that, I would be satisfied. Let me encourage you to choose a time, and set the stage for a quiet, uninterrupted conversation about intimacy. If he knows you want to talk about sex, you will have his full attention. Just begin with letting him know you want the fire back in your marriage. Ladies, you have the power to make a difference.
Don’t believe the lie, you aren’t the sexy woman you see on the advertisements, billboards, or on the cover of the magazines at the supermarket. We are not in competition with a piece of paper. You are the woman he chose to be his bride, out of all the women in the world. You are the sexy woman he fell in love with. You must believe you are all that. If you don’t, how do you expect him to? Stop speaking negativity and ugliness over yourself right now. Repeat after me, “I am sexy and I know it, I am sexy, yes I am, yes ma’am, I am.”
- Create an environment in your home of love, respect, joy, and praise.
- Never ever speak negative words over yourself or your man physically.
- You must see and believe you are a confident, sexual woman who has the power to rock your husband’s world.
- Tell your husband he is sexy and he turns you on (if he hasn’t heard that in a while, he may look shocked). Convince him you mean it, be specific.
Everyone knows men are more visual in their almost immediate demonstration of sexual desire. It’s not that we don’t love our man to look hot in a pair of jeans and a sports shirt we didn’t have to iron. But your man looks even better when he is changing a diaper, putting the kids in the car, actually buckling seat belts, cooking, or at least ordering pizza because he sees you’re running on empty…now that’s sexy. Let’s just say our visual is different from his visual. Our man craves admiration and respect from us. It is so easy to notice when he isn’t helping. On those occasions he does, do we notice? Don’t let those moments of admiration pass. We forget to appreciate the little things we do for one another, yet in the workplace, we are quick to notice a job well done. We are full of praise for our co-workers or friends, but what about the one person in our life we should be admiring and respecting the most? My husband once told me he didn’t care so much what others thought, but when I was disappointed in him, he was devastated. We need to be the one filling our husband’s admiration bucket, not emptying it with criticism and unrealistic expectations.
What does this have to do with sex? Everything!
If we don’t create a home environment encompassing love, respect, joy, and praise, the fire in the bedroom will be smothered with bitterness and resentment. Invest in your marriage by speaking positivity over your spouse, your home, and your children. Create an atmosphere of love, joy, peace, patience, gentleness, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, and self-control.
Since communication is key to a healthy happy sex life, you have to find a way to discuss that what you think is sexy and satisfying isn’t necessarily what he thinks. My husband is a high energy, never sit still, go-go kinda guy. I finally had to ask him to slow down, sit down, give me eye contact, and listen to what I am saying. Let’s talk about sex, honey…well, that got his attention. Talking about your needs and his needs openly and honestly with no condemnation is the first step. My husband was surprised when I told him I needed to be just held in his protective arms with no expectations several times a day to feel cherished. If he didn’t hold me, I felt neglected. He told me he needed my approval. If I didn’t believe in him, he felt defeated.
Don’t let the demands of this world come between you and your man. If you need a date night, a bubble bath, quiet time, a spa day, or time away from the demands of motherhood to get in the mood for love, just say so. Be prepared to hear some surprises from your man too. Don’t get your panties in a wad when he wants you to dress sexy and show a little skin for a night of romance he calls sex. Remember men are more visual, so let’s get creative and show him the girl he fell madly in love with is still alive and well.
You’ll also like Great Sex—What Is It?, This is What a Well-Loved Woman Feels, How the 5 Love Languages Can Change Your Relationship, Stay Connected With Your Husband and Skillet’s Korey Cooper Talks About Marriage, Motherhood, and Rock ‘n’ Roll