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Ask Dr. Zoe – Why Do Strong Independent Women Scare Men?

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‘Tat2nurse13’ Asked:

Why does being a strong independent woman scare off men?

Dr. Zoe Answered:

Oh, I love this question! But, your statement isn’t completely true. Historically, it has been proven that the more successful and independent a woman is, the less likely it is that she will find a life partner, but things are a-changin, honey!

And yes, it may still be a bit harder for a strong, independent, successful woman to find love, but it’s not because she’s scaring off men. She’s probably attracting the wrong ones.

Most men are not intimidated by strong, independent women. The men who are, are men who want to dominate and control women—and he’s not the guy you want anyway.

Is Strength Truly Intimidating?

For most men, strength and independence are actually attractive qualities. What is repelling and unattractive to men is when a woman engages with them with strong masculine energy.

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Masculine and feminine energies are polar opposites—you already know this! Relationships work best when one person takes on more of one role. Strong and independent doesn’t have to be masculine, but many strong women fail to see value in honoring their femininity.

Strong, independent women became that way by utilizing their masculine energy to take charge and get the job done. Strong women have learned that harnessing that energy helps them to show up and be respected and effective in their life.

As a result, they sometimes use the same masculine energy in their dating life. Instead of just being, they are directing and working to “achieve” a successful relationship. Often, this tends to attract passive men or repel the strong men they want.

Men do like to feel that they can take care of you and protect you. Men like to feel that they are physically stronger and more capable. But strong, confident men know the truth—that no matter how strong and independent a woman is, she is a soft magnolia on the inside and will happily surrender her heart to a man who is trustworthy. A strong man will work to earn that space in your heart.

Honor Your Femininity

The real truth is that strength and femininity are complementary. The strongest of women know how and when to bend and give.

But strong women can push a man’s ego button. If he has deep-seated insecurities, then he will fear that a woman may uncover his weakness. Or even worse, he fears a woman who doesn’t need him.

So what does all this mean?

Girl, you have to fix your self-talk! If you feel you’re too much, you will continue to attract men who feel that you are and confirm your biggest fears!

So, my advice to you is to rock your awesome and know that a strong man who is grounded in himself and not afraid of his own deficits will not be intimidated by you!

You’ve got this. It just takes a little grit and grace!

For more relationship advice and related content, start here:

How to Become the Woman You Want to Be
He Brings Me Flowers, but Is That Enough?
Do All Strong Women Hate Men?
3 Ways Positive Self-Talk Can Improve Your Life
Men and Women Are Equal, but Not Identical

The Bachelorette: A Romantic Culture in a Feminist World

Don’t miss these popular articles for the strong woman:

9 Marks of a Beautiful Woman (on the Inside)
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You’ll love this podcast episode from This Grit and Grace Life: Miss Independent: Can You Be Healthy, Strong and Dependent? – 047!



Dr. Zoe is a licensed psychotherapist and relationship expert who recently jumped out of a perfectly good plane just for the experience.

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