Dr. Zoe

Dr. Zoe is a licensed psychotherapist and relationship expert who recently jumped out of a perfectly good plane just for the experience.

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You, Your Man, and His Baby Mama All Need Grit and Grace

So your man is a pretty wonderful guy. Things are going so well. You might have even married him. What in the world could mess this up? Oh, the mother of his kids! Baby mama drama began with the start of civilization—think Abraham from the Bible. Sparks were going off between Sarah (his wife) and Hagar (baby mama). Abraham couldn’t deal with the drama and finally shipped Hagar off with their child—never to be seen again. Even if that is your fantasy, it isn’t going to happen—nor should it. The modern reality is that almost half (46%) of marriages involve a step-parent situation.1 When your relationship first started, dreams of the Brady Bunch may have been circling in your head. But reality […]

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Ask Dr. Zoe – My Teen Is Sexually Confused—How Can I Talk to Her?

‘Very Concerned Dad’ asked: Please help. I’m religious and my wife kinda is. Our just-turned 13-year-old daughter had a crush last year on a girl and also thought she was trans—not fun. She’s not trans and realizes that now. She was manipulated/indoctrinated at an independent, Catholic school that felt we should change pronouns. My wife and I were able to get through that. However, she has feelings about girls and boys and I’m trying to help her. Today, I got an alert that she was looking up her girl crush (an older student) online, so I need to talk to her tonight. Any advice about sexuality that I can share with her? I’m just so darn lost and not getting any help

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7 Ways to Get the Most Out of Now

7 Ways to Get the Most Out of Now

Change. It is a certainty. It never ceases to amaze me how life can completely change in the blink of an eye. It invigorates me and leaves me a little terrified at the same time. We often go about subconsciously believing that we will live forever—that time is always there. The mind is amazing how it can trick us in that way. But we rarely fully experience the present, even though it is the only thing that is certain about our time here on earth. Experiencing the sudden death of my father and the traumatic birth of my daughter (born with a rare genetic disorder) heightened my awareness of how life can turn on a dime. I’m sure many of you have had similar life curve balls. Yet, we know

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Ask Dr. Zoe – I’m Disappointed My Teen Daughter Is Having Sex. What Should I Say to Her?

‘Sister’ asked: Dear Dr. Zoe, My 20-year-old teen daughter is having sex. She lost her virginity at 17 1/2 years old. She is now on her fourth boyfriend and I believe is having sex with him, meaning she has had sex with four boys now. I’m a Christian woman and had high expectations, so when she lost her virginity, I was so broken. And when she recently told me she had sex with the last two boyfriends, I couldn’t believe it. And now I’m sure she’s having sex with her new boyfriend. father knows about the first boy she was with but not the rest. He would be so hurt as a father. She is our only daughter and we have always

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Ask Dr. Zoe – How Can I Find Time to Enjoy Life?

‘Samantha’ Asked: I don’t feel like I’m living the life I want to be. I work during the week (and I love my job so I’m not trying to find an alternative to a 9-5) but on my days off (weekends) I end up running errands and doing household chores. How do I live a more fulfilled life while still working a traditional job? Dr. Zoe Answered: The only way to live the life you want is intentionally. Your work is not your life. It’s the thing you do to pay for your life. Hopefully, you are passionate about your work. Even so, it’s important for you to separate the two and intentionally live out your other passions. As a busy, working

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Ask Dr. Zoe -Why Do I Feel Anxious When I Hear About My Boyfriend’s Ex and Mother of His Daughter?

‘Crystal’ asked: Hello Dr. Zoe, Thank you so much for your time. I have only been dating my boyfriend for three months, and he has a 8-year-old little girl and co-parents the child with her mom (his ex-girlfriend). I haven’t met the mom yet, but I am taking my time and getting to know my boyfriend and also just getting to know his daughter on a couple outings. The mother has mentioned to my boyfriend that she would like to meet me as well. I told my boyfriend that I would pray about it and when I feel lead, I would look forward to meeting her. My boyfriend respected this and lovingly said whenever I am ready to meet her that I

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Ask Dr. Zoe – My Boyfriend Hasn’t Proposed but Wants Me to Wear a Ring. Should I?

‘Darcy’ asked: My boyfriend and I have been together about 6 years. We don’t live together. He knows I’d like a commitment (at least engagement). I’m 50 years old and absolutely hate having a “boyfriend.” He talks about our future and says he wants to marry me, but always has a new timeline. He’s bought me a couple rings (not engagement and definitely not proposal) and says he wants me to wear a ring on my left hand at all times. I’ve expressed many times that I don’t understand why he won’t at least change his Facebook status to say he’s in a relationship. Honestly his status is irrelevant to me—I guess it’s more that I’m trying to prove a point to

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Ask Dr. Zoe – How Do I Get Over the Loss of a Parent I Never Knew?

‘Danielle’ asked: This is less a question and more so information-seeking. My biological dad passed away in a tragic drowning accident 28ish years ago when my mom was 6 months pregnant with me. I recently started therapy for unrelated reasons, but discovered in the process that my dad’s passing is a huge source of emotion for me. The problem is, I can’t find other people like me who lost a parent they never even knew. My therapist hasn’t met anyone like me either, so we’re trying to figure out what would even be helpful for me, because I don’t know what I’m feeling or why. Have you interacted with adult children of fathers who died when they were in utero? Do you

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Ask Dr. Zoe-My Boyfriend Promises We’ll Get Married But Nothing Has Happened

‘Bianca’ asked: Hi Dr. Zoe, My girlfriend sent me your “when he hasn’t proposed” article and it really gave me some clarity, but I’m still having trouble sorting out my feelings. Because my boyfriend promises we’ll get married but nothing has happened. In February, it will be my two-year anniversary with my boyfriend. I’m sad he hasn’t proposed yet, and I have spoken to him more than once. He’s told me he’s making plans and wants to surprise me. I feel like I’ve been hearing that for 6 months. We’ve lived together for a year and I went through a job loss just after moving in together. He’s fully supported me & my 3 children until recently. I’m so torn because I while

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Ask Dr. Zoe – I’m a Stay-at-Home Mom Who Never Gets Rest. What Do I Do?

‘Stressed, Tired Wife’ asked: I’m a stay-at-home mom who never gets rest. My husband is a firefighter, and I try really hard to ease his transition back from the fire station, but when he walks in, it is so hard for me not to hand him the baby and walk out. I ask him for some time to unwind or relax for myself, like a morning to sleep in, but he will end up sleeping in or finding something else that needs to be done as a reason why he can’t help out with the baby. I want to be kind, and I know I’m in control of my own emotions, but I’m so tired and frustrated at going unheard with pleas

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You Need to Talk to Your Teen Girl About Sex, Here's How to Do It

You Need to Talk to Your Teen Girl About Sex, Here’s How to Do It

Are you that mom who would rather stick an icepick through your eye than talk to your teen girl about sex (seriously, it doesn’t have to be that bad!)? Or maybe the idea of sex conversations makes you squirm a little. We need to talk, girlfriend! First, let’s talk about why you need to have the conversations. Notice I said conversations. This really should be an ongoing conversation that starts in preschool. But if you are behind the 8 ball, and even if you fear that your daughter may have already had sex, take a deep breath. It’s going to be okay. It’s time to talk. The reason why research has demonstrated that abstinence programs have not been successful (teens who participate in

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Ask Dr. Zoe – Can You Get Past a Betrayal in Marriage?

‘Loving Wife’ Asked: How do you get past a betrayal in marriage? Dr. Zoe Answered: You didn’t specify what type of betrayal this is, so I’m going to guess that it’s probably one of the big ones—otherwise, you wouldn’t have asked the question. When the trust in your marriage has been destroyed, when the marriage covenant has been broken, you have two choices—stay and deal or leave and heal. Staying also requires a significant amount of healing if you’re going to do it in a healthy way. In staying, you have an amazing opportunity to heal together. The betrayed isn’t the only one hurt and damaged, so is the betrayer. Many people stay in a marriage after a big betrayal, but instead

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How to Move On From the Loss of a Dream

How to Move On From the Loss of a Dream in a Healthy Way

I recently sat with a client who was devastated over the loss of a dream. This door was clearly closed in his life and there was no real chance of him ever achieving it. There is very little in life that is as painful as the loss of a dream. His inability to move past this loss cost him his entire family. I wish he had come to me sooner. He was grieving so hard that he couldn’t even see the amazing blessings he had in front of him … until they were gone. What do you do when you just can’t get over a loss? Life is tough sometimes. I have never heard a success story that didn’t include failures along the way. Relationship breakups, loss of

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Ask Dr. Zoe – I Have Low Sex Drive—What’s Wrong?

‘Sexless in Seattle’ Asked: Dear Dr. Zoe, For most of my adult life I’ve struggled with not being interested in sex having a low sex drive. I’m not a victim of sexual assault or abuse, I’ve just never had much interest. This is a struggle I’ve kept to myself due to hearing comments from people like, “I’d kill myself if I didn’t like sex.” I’ve been with my husband for seven years (married for almost two), and he is so patient and kind with me. I wish it could be enjoyable, but I don’t know what to do! Help! Dr. Zoe Answered: You are not alone. Despite our sex-crazed culture, there are others who struggle with low sex drive as well. It

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If Your Man Didn’t Propose But Should Have Read This

If Your Man Didn’t Propose (But Should Have) Read This

To the girl who didn’t get the engagement you were expecting, this is what you need to do to finally get a commitment… You tried not to get your hopes up, but deep down you feel like it is time. He’s the man of your dreams and he says you are the woman of his. You’ve been together long enough for him to know if he wants to make that big commitment. And it doesn’t help that it seems like everyone’s boyfriend is popping the question these days! Maybe you were hoping it would happen over the holidays… Then, Valentine’s Day… Or, perhaps you were daydreaming about the perfectly planned summer proposal leading to a beautiful fall marriage. You even dropped some

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How to Know if Your Boyfriend is a Charity Case

How to Know if Your Boyfriend is a Charity Case

Defining a Fixer  What is a “fixer”? A fixer is someone who feels best when helping others. If they see someone who is less fortunate, their first inclination is to try to remedy the situation. They have a keen sense of the unfairness in the world and strive to correct it. They will volunteer to help and are generally charitable people. If you recognize that you are a fixer, that’s great! It’s a wonderful quality to have. Fixers are nurturing, giving, and empathic. They often do a great amount of good, meaningful work in this world—think Mother Teresa and Ghandi. But unfortunately, many fixers expand that need to fix into their romantic relationships, causing devastation for all. Ask Yourself These to Know if

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Ask Dr. Zoe – Is He Unhappy in Marriage or Mid-Life Crisis?

‘Johanna’ Asked: How do I work on my marriage when my husband tells me everything in his life is in the air right now , he’s unhappy in marriage OR tells you “I’m sorry I’ve been living your life. You wanted kids and to get married, not me!” We’ve been together for 17 years now. How can I move on from that? I’m hurting right now. Dr. Zoe Answered: Your husband is going through something right now that’s making him question all of his choices in life. Unfortunately, that includes you and the kids, too. Maybe it’s true that he felt pressured to get married and have children. Maybe it’s actually that he’s unhappy in marriage, with how his life is turning

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