We have all looked for a way out of a bad relationship—dating that guy who will never really commit or realizing that if he does commit, the thought of ’til death do us part with him makes you break out in a cold sweat. Maybe you’re not ready to sign on to the baggage he carries through your door. So what’s a girl to do?
In all things love, music makes an entrance even in this break-up scenario through the insightful lyrics of Paul Simon, “The problem is all inside your head she said to me. The answer is easy if you take it logically. I’d like to help you in your struggle to be free. There must be fifty ways to leave your lover.”
I may not have 50 ways, but if you need a few tips on how to get out of that dead-end relationship, this is what I’ve got.
Here are 7 tips on how to leave your lover:
1. Don’t put it off!
Another week … another month won’t make a relationship go any better if it hasn’t in the last year. You have lost enough time; don’t lose any more.
2. Do not break up via text!
Rumor has it Britney Spears broke up with her ex-husband via text—not a great idea. There needs to be a conversation that goes along with this relationship’s end. You’ve invested too much to dismiss it that lightly. Remember, Britney shaved her head too … I wouldn’t recommend that either (unless you have a killer shaped cranium).
3. Plan what you’re going to say.
Write it out and rehearse it if you must. If you really think through what you need to say before you get there, you’ll feel more confident when you share your decision.
4. Pick the right time and place.
Don’t drop this on a night with a group of friends, or at his parent’s home in the middle of dinner. Choose a place and time that doesn’t involve other people and gives space for a real conversation.
5. Be honest.
That’s a hard one. It seems a lot easier to say “we’ve just grown apart,” but if the guy won’t step up for you then he probably won’t step up for other things in life. Don’t accuse, and don’t be condescending—just be honest. You may help him figure things out for his future.
6. Do not argue.
If the temperature rises and the voices do too, pull it down a notch. Nothing will ever be accomplished when there are explosions.
7. Give him closure.
There’s nothing worse than being broken up with while at the same time being led to believe there may be hope in the future. If you mean this, then make sure he knows you do. If not, don’t break up in the first place!
If your relationship is at a definitive end, but your heart is hurting because you’re with a guy who will never get it no matter what you do … I will leave you with a few more lyrics of Fifty Ways To Leave Your Lover, “She said it grieves me so to see you in such pain. I wish there was something I could do to make you smile again. I said I appreciate that and would you please explain about the fifty ways… You just slip out the back, Jack. Make a new plan, Stan. You don’t need to be coy, Roy. Just get yourself free. Hop on the bus, Gus. You don’t need to discuss much. Just drop off the key, Lee. And get yourself free.”
You’ll also like How to Know if Your Boyfriend is a Charity Case, Why You Should Just Have That Hard Conversation (And How to Do It), and After Years of Dating, Should You Keep Waiting?