Ask Dr Zoe | Grit and Grace Life

Ask Dr. Zoe – How to Co-Parent With a Toxic Ex

By Dr. Zoe / Ask Dr. Zoe, Featured Article

‘Paulette’ Asked: How do you coparent with a toxic ex? Someone who is manipulative, a compulsive liar even to the courts and doesn’t put the kids’ best interests first. Dr. Zoe Answered: You can’t! It’s that simple, but let me explain. The concept of co-parenting is a wonderful one and parents who have picked up this torch have served their children well through their separation. But, I think it has also been damaging to others who see it as attainable in their situation. Co-parenting isn’t for everyone and it certainly won’t work in every scenario. And it won’t work in yours if your ex is truly all those things you just described. You can’t co-parent with someone who is toxic, unreasonable and […]

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Ask Dr. Zoe – My Teen Is Sexually Confused—How Can I Talk to Her?

By Dr. Zoe / Ask Dr. Zoe

‘Very Concerned Dad’ asked: Please help. I’m religious and my wife kinda is. Our just-turned 13-year-old daughter had a crush last year on a girl and also thought she was trans—not fun. She’s not trans and realizes that now. She was manipulated/indoctrinated at an independent, Catholic school that felt we should change pronouns. My wife and I were able to get through that. However, she has feelings about girls and boys and I’m trying to help her. Today, I got an alert that she was looking up her girl crush (an older student) online, so I need to talk to her tonight. Any advice about sexuality that I can share with her? I’m just so darn lost and not getting any help

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Ask Dr. Zoe – I’m Disappointed My Teen Daughter Is Having Sex. What Should I Say to Her?

By Dr. Zoe / Ask Dr. Zoe

‘Sister’ asked: Dear Dr. Zoe, My 20-year-old teen daughter is having sex. She lost her virginity at 17 1/2 years old. She is now on her fourth boyfriend and I believe is having sex with him, meaning she has had sex with four boys now. I’m a Christian woman and had high expectations, so when she lost her virginity, I was so broken. And when she recently told me she had sex with the last two boyfriends, I couldn’t believe it. And now I’m sure she’s having sex with her new boyfriend. father knows about the first boy she was with but not the rest. He would be so hurt as a father. She is our only daughter and we have always

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Ask Dr. Zoe – How Can I Find Time to Enjoy Life?

By Dr. Zoe / Ask Dr. Zoe

‘Samantha’ Asked: I don’t feel like I’m living the life I want to be. I work during the week (and I love my job so I’m not trying to find an alternative to a 9-5) but on my days off (weekends) I end up running errands and doing household chores. How do I live a more fulfilled life while still working a traditional job? Dr. Zoe Answered: The only way to live the life you want is intentionally. Your work is not your life. It’s the thing you do to pay for your life. Hopefully, you are passionate about your work. Even so, it’s important for you to separate the two and intentionally live out your other passions. As a busy, working

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Ask Dr. Zoe -Why Do I Feel Anxious When I Hear About My Boyfriend’s Ex and Mother of His Daughter?

By Dr. Zoe / Ask Dr. Zoe

‘Crystal’ asked: Hello Dr. Zoe, Thank you so much for your time. I have only been dating my boyfriend for three months, and he has a 8-year-old little girl and co-parents the child with her mom (his ex-girlfriend). I haven’t met the mom yet, but I am taking my time and getting to know my boyfriend and also just getting to know his daughter on a couple outings. The mother has mentioned to my boyfriend that she would like to meet me as well. I told my boyfriend that I would pray about it and when I feel lead, I would look forward to meeting her. My boyfriend respected this and lovingly said whenever I am ready to meet her that I

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Ask Dr. Zoe – My Boyfriend Hasn’t Proposed but Wants Me to Wear a Ring. Should I?

By Dr. Zoe / Ask Dr. Zoe

‘Darcy’ asked: My boyfriend and I have been together about 6 years. We don’t live together. He knows I’d like a commitment (at least engagement). I’m 50 years old and absolutely hate having a “boyfriend.” He talks about our future and says he wants to marry me, but always has a new timeline. He’s bought me a couple rings (not engagement and definitely not proposal) and says he wants me to wear a ring on my left hand at all times. I’ve expressed many times that I don’t understand why he won’t at least change his Facebook status to say he’s in a relationship. Honestly his status is irrelevant to me—I guess it’s more that I’m trying to prove a point to

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Ask Dr. Zoe – How Do I Get Over the Loss of a Parent I Never Knew?

By Dr. Zoe / Ask Dr. Zoe

‘Danielle’ asked: This is less a question and more so information-seeking. My biological dad passed away in a tragic drowning accident 28ish years ago when my mom was 6 months pregnant with me. I recently started therapy for unrelated reasons, but discovered in the process that my dad’s passing is a huge source of emotion for me. The problem is, I can’t find other people like me who lost a parent they never even knew. My therapist hasn’t met anyone like me either, so we’re trying to figure out what would even be helpful for me, because I don’t know what I’m feeling or why. Have you interacted with adult children of fathers who died when they were in utero? Do you

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Ask Dr. Zoe-My Boyfriend Promises We’ll Get Married But Nothing Has Happened

By Dr. Zoe / Ask Dr. Zoe

‘Bianca’ asked: Hi Dr. Zoe, My girlfriend sent me your “when he hasn’t proposed” article and it really gave me some clarity, but I’m still having trouble sorting out my feelings. Because my boyfriend promises we’ll get married but nothing has happened. In February, it will be my two-year anniversary with my boyfriend. I’m sad he hasn’t proposed yet, and I have spoken to him more than once. He’s told me he’s making plans and wants to surprise me. I feel like I’ve been hearing that for 6 months. We’ve lived together for a year and I went through a job loss just after moving in together. He’s fully supported me & my 3 children until recently. I’m so torn because I while

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Ask Dr. Zoe – I’m a Stay-at-Home Mom Who Never Gets Rest. What Do I Do?

By Dr. Zoe / Ask Dr. Zoe

‘Stressed, Tired Wife’ asked: I’m a stay-at-home mom who never gets rest. My husband is a firefighter, and I try really hard to ease his transition back from the fire station, but when he walks in, it is so hard for me not to hand him the baby and walk out. I ask him for some time to unwind or relax for myself, like a morning to sleep in, but he will end up sleeping in or finding something else that needs to be done as a reason why he can’t help out with the baby. I want to be kind, and I know I’m in control of my own emotions, but I’m so tired and frustrated at going unheard with pleas

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Ask Dr. Zoe – Can You Get Past a Betrayal in Marriage?

By Dr. Zoe / Ask Dr. Zoe

‘Loving Wife’ Asked: How do you get past a betrayal in marriage? Dr. Zoe Answered: You didn’t specify what type of betrayal this is, so I’m going to guess that it’s probably one of the big ones—otherwise, you wouldn’t have asked the question. When the trust in your marriage has been destroyed, when the marriage covenant has been broken, you have two choices—stay and deal or leave and heal. Staying also requires a significant amount of healing if you’re going to do it in a healthy way. In staying, you have an amazing opportunity to heal together. The betrayed isn’t the only one hurt and damaged, so is the betrayer. Many people stay in a marriage after a big betrayal, but instead

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Ask Dr. Zoe – I Have Low Sex Drive—What’s Wrong?

By Dr. Zoe / Ask Dr. Zoe

‘Sexless in Seattle’ Asked: Dear Dr. Zoe, For most of my adult life I’ve struggled with not being interested in sex having a low sex drive. I’m not a victim of sexual assault or abuse, I’ve just never had much interest. This is a struggle I’ve kept to myself due to hearing comments from people like, “I’d kill myself if I didn’t like sex.” I’ve been with my husband for seven years (married for almost two), and he is so patient and kind with me. I wish it could be enjoyable, but I don’t know what to do! Help! Dr. Zoe Answered: You are not alone. Despite our sex-crazed culture, there are others who struggle with low sex drive as well. It

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Ask Dr. Zoe – Is He Unhappy in Marriage or Mid-Life Crisis?

By Dr. Zoe / Ask Dr. Zoe, Relationships

‘Johanna’ Asked: How do I work on my marriage when my husband tells me everything in his life is in the air right now , he’s unhappy in marriage OR tells you “I’m sorry I’ve been living your life. You wanted kids and to get married, not me!” We’ve been together for 17 years now. How can I move on from that? I’m hurting right now. Dr. Zoe Answered: Your husband is going through something right now that’s making him question all of his choices in life. Unfortunately, that includes you and the kids, too. Maybe it’s true that he felt pressured to get married and have children. Maybe it’s actually that he’s unhappy in marriage, with how his life is turning

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Ask Dr. Zoe – How and When Do I Tell My Man I Have an STI?

By Dr. Zoe / Ask Dr. Zoe

‘Dreading This Scary Conversation’ Asked: Dear Dr. Zoe, I recently found out that I have an STI, and I am devastated. I made decisions in the past that I am not proud of, but over the past couple of years, I’ve changed my lifestyle dramatically. Unfortunately, there have been some lingering effects from my past, including a sexually transmitted disease. One of my biggest fears about this is that I just got into a relationship with someone I’m really excited about, but we’ve only been dating for a couple of months. Although we are not sexually active and hold similar beliefs on wanting to save that for marriage now, I do think it’s something that I need to share with him, but

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Ask Dr. Zoe – How to Approach a Disconnected Husband

By Dr. Zoe / Ask Dr. Zoe, Relationships

‘Dealing With My Disconnected Husband’ Asked: How do you approach your husband when he seems completely disconnected and like he has checked out? I have tried bringing it up in casual conversation with him so it doesn’t seem as though I am accusing or nagging, but he literally just ignores talking about it and says he just doesn’t want to be around people or talk about it. I need help on how to address this without pushing him away further! Loving and Worried Midwest Wife Dr. Zoe Answered: Hi Dealing With My Disconnected Husband, When your spouse is disconnected from you, it can feel like you are lost in a desert with no hope of water. You said that he doesn’t want

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Ask Dr. Zoe – Should I Maintain a Friendship With Someone Who Keeps Pulling Away?

By Dr. Zoe / Ask Dr. Zoe

‘Frosty in Fort Worth’ Asked How to Maintain a Friendship: Hi Dr. Zoe, I have a cousin who is just over a year younger than me whom I have been close with since childhood. She was the person I would tell everything to, and I thought I was the same for her. Looking back now maybe it wasn’t quiet that balanced. As adults, we have the same friend group, go to the same church, and lived in the same house for some time. When I went through a difficult time emotionally and became very depressed, feelings were hurt, and we withdrew from each other. We didn’t speak to each other, except for the obligatory “hi” at family functions for two years, even

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Ask Dr. Zoe – Can I Progress in My Relationship From Girlfriend to Wife?

By Dr. Zoe / Ask Dr. Zoe

‘Nurse Lauren’ Asked: Hello, I found the article you wrote about wanting a proposal and not getting it and how you shouldn’t feel bad about it just because you want to be married was really wonderful. There’s so much out there about oh you can’t make someone do something and you know you should just decide if you want them in your life and accept it and I just don’t think that’s really very fair. My specific question is regarding the four levels I’m just wanting to make sure that I’m not doing wifey things when I’m still in girlfriend status can you help me learn more about that. Dr. Zoe Answered: Women who find themselves stuck in a relationship phase are

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Ask Dr. Zoe – Why Can’t I Please My Mother-in-Law?

By Dr. Zoe / Ask Dr. Zoe

‘Florida Girl’ Asked: My husband and I are temporarily living with my mother-in-law, in her house, and at her request. We often ask her if we can help, to do our part, and she will assign us a task (cooking, cleaning, whatever) and give instructions for the job. Even if we follow her instructions to the letter, we’ve done it wrong! “What are you doing?” “Why did you do that?” Or my favorite, “You’re doing it wrong.” Not to mention, she is the queen of clutter. If the others of us attempt to tidy up (even just straighten stacks without moving anything) she becomes defensive and angry. The result is that the house is cluttered and dirty and nothing can be done

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