Dr. Zoe | The Grit and Grace Project

Ask Dr. Zoe – Do I Stay With My Man When I’m Pregnant and Still Waiting for a Proposal?

‘Pregnant in Purgatory’ Asked: My boyfriend had been subtly talking about proposing for several weeks, he hinted that he had a ring and would talk about when he felt it was the “right” time, which seemed to align with our anniversary. But you can guess what happened…anniversary, Valentine’s Day, and a trip to the coast all came and went and no proposal. Then something unexpected happened, I got pregnant. So while I thought we were onto something good, now I am pregnant, living together and there’s no ring. I feel so foolish and sad. I’ve become deeply depressed, and we have argued about it several times when I have tried to share with him how hurtful this has been. Now he says […]

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Ask Dr. Zoe – How Do I Heal From Past Trauma That Left Me Detached and Unemotional?

By Dr. Zoe / Ask Dr. Zoe

‘Talenkynic Dromdfrevc’ Asked: Hi there, I don’t think I react to crises the same way as others; I become detached and unemotional. I think I may have suffered multiple traumas before I was able to process. I now pastorally care for many people and think I need to work through it but don’t know how to start. Any suggestions? Dr. Zoe Answered: You think you may have suffered multiple traumas… People who haven’t been traumatized don’t often wonder if they have—especially “multiple times.” This tells me that you need to figure out what happened to you—or acknowledge what you already know. Yes, your reaction may be a trauma response. It may not be, but it isn’t the healthiest response, and you already

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Ask Dr. Zoe – How Do I Start Dating After Divorce?

By Dr. Zoe / Ask Dr. Zoe, Relationships

‘Ready to Date Again’ Asked: After a 20 year marriage failed, almost 10 years of counseling and working on myself, I’m ready to date again. But how do I trust again? How do I get out there to find the “right” guy? I thought it would happen naturally, but it hasn’t. It’s normal to feel uncertain and hesitant, as it’s not just about finding someone new but also about rebuilding that sense of emotional safety and trust that was once lost. However, recognizing that it’s okay to take time for yourself and explore relationships at your own pace is an important part of healing. As you move forward and embrace new chapters in your life, it’s essential to make sure that any

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Ask Dr. Zoe – How Do I Find the Right Therapist for My Needs?

By Dr. Zoe / Ask Dr. Zoe

‘Liz’ Asked: How do you find the right therapist? I know I need one, and I also know the value of a good therapist. I’ve tried faith-based counseling in my area- found it to be very surface level and frankly kind of sexist. I’ve tried finding one through my healthcare network and even through an app. It’s just hard to find the right fit. I want someone who shares my faith, but also someone who has experience with serious mental health issues, which are a part of my story. Dr. Zoe Answered: Hi Liz, this is such a great question. Finding a good therapist is much like dating. Sometimes frustrating, but when you’ve found “the one,” you’ve found gold. I suggest that

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Ask Dr. Zoe – How Do I Choose the Right Man in My Love Triangle?

By Dr. Zoe / Ask Dr. Zoe, Relationships

‘Texas Tangled’ Asked: This might end up sounding like a terrible romance movie…I am a 30 year old divorcee (I was married young in a military marriage that ended when I was 24). I was in a long-term relationship with *Travis for two years, in which we had great chemistry, lots of fun, good teamwork, and just solid, simple country life. But as our relationship progressed, he had issues with commitment and couldn’t get to the next step or even talk about it. We would go through these cycles of everything being fine, then a build to a huge fight and then fine again. Finally, it began to really wear the closer to 2 years we got, and he broke up with

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Ask Dr. Zoe – Should I Finish My Degree or Change My Career Path?

By Dr. Zoe / Ask Dr. Zoe

‘Still Not Graduated’ Asked: I have been very blessed that my parents have been able to financially support me as I seek higher education. The problem is I don’t know what I want from this education. I recently realized that I am extremely unhappy pursuing my current degree, but I do not want to change course and begin working on a different degree. However, since I never did any internships in school, I have no experience and cannot find employment. I feel that my parents have invested so much money in me, and I have nothing to show them in return. Should I finish my degree and try to gain experience? I am at a loss for what to do now. Dr.

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Ask Dr. Zoe – How Do I Stop Being a People Pleaser?

By Dr. Zoe / Ask Dr. Zoe

‘Paranoid and anxious’ Asked: Dr. Zoe, HELP ME! I know that this question, not even a question really, may seem bizarre and a no-brainier, but to me, it’s my life and I hate it! I’m such a people pleaser, always wanting to help someone out even if it means spreading myself far too thin. I’m always worried if someone doesn’t text me back, want to hang out, like my post on Facebook or return my phone calls that they are mad at me, secretly hate me, or they are laughing behind my back. I’m constantly paranoid about my friendships and even sometimes with my marriage. My anxiety will be so bad that I take it out on my husband and children. At

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Ask Dr. Zoe – My Husband Is Having an Affair. What Do I Do Now?

By Dr. Zoe / Ask Dr. Zoe

‘Judith Ann’ Asked: Dear Dr. Zoe, I am heartbroken because I recently learned my husband of 22 years has been engaged in an emotional affair (with some physical closeness but claiming not sex) with a woman client (he’s a contractor) I introduced him to. The woman’s marriage was bad when they began their business relationship, but it soon turned towards more personal interactions…attention, compliments, shared interests, shared marital problems, and unhappiness, and it has spiraled into more romantic connections, nights out meeting one another in secret, etc. I am exhausted and overwhelmed with emotions. I am 65 and retired and that income is not enough to support myself on my own, and my husband’s income isn’t as good as it used to

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Ask Dr. Zoe – Does My Boyfriend’s Grief Mean My Life’s on Hold?

By Dr. Zoe / Ask Dr. Zoe

‘Jen. B’ Asked: Hi Dr. Zoe, I hope this email finds you well! Last year […] my boyfriend’s younger sister (who is a twin) died suddenly. It has been just a little over a year now, and that was one of the hardest years on our relationship. Not only did she pass late Christmas night (which has made it incredibly hard for his family), my younger sister was also her best friend and with both of the twins when she died. My sister and his other younger sister no longer speak. Just wanted to give you a bit of the background, and all the stress factors that have gone into this past year. My boyfriend and I have been together for 3

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Why Your Self-Talk Drives Your Life (and How to Make It Work for You)

By Dr. Zoe / Life & Culture

Do you say mean things to yourself, but don’t know how to stop it? Can you think of a time when you know your self-talk got the best of you and sabotaged something really important (a job interview, a relationship, a business, or a dream)? Are you tired of holding yourself back because you can’t get control of your self-talk? You may be great at setting goals, starting relationships, or following your dreams, but it is impossible to accomplish them and keep your resolutions if you don’t get in control of your self-talk. Your self-talk drives everything in your life. I used to have crushing anxiety and fear. I have trained myself to be my best coach, supporter, and encourager. I have

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Ask Dr. Zoe – When Do I Introduce My New Man to My Kids?

By Dr. Zoe / Ask Dr. Zoe

‘Dating Diva’ Asked: I’m a single mom with a young son. What’s the best way to introduce my child to someone I’m dating? When do I do it? And how? What are some things to avoid him getting hurt? Dating Diva Dr. Zoe Answered: With so much conflicting information out there, it’s easy to feel confused, fearful and guilty when it comes to dating life and your kids. So here’s what I know. You’re probably taking this introduction part way too seriously. Yes, I know this is serious stuff—relationships, parenting—all wrapped in one. But this is a long haul type of thing. The introduction part is just the tip of the iceberg. So take a deep breath. There are certainly ways to

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Ask Dr. Zoe – Is It My Fault He Hasn’t Proposed?

By Dr. Zoe / Ask Dr. Zoe

‘Ms Highly Favored’ Asked: My boyfriend of 5 years is an introvert. We live together. Going in this he knew I wanted to be married within 3 years. I have not met his children, he doesn’t take me around his family, and he gets upset when I want to talk about marriage or wedding date or proposal. He says it’s not a problem and he loves me, wants to marry me but I haven’t given him the chance to propose. Well, I feel like now at this point I don’t want to marry him because it feels like it would be fake. Dr. Zoe Answered: You’ve stayed two years too long. You have been together for five years and you have never

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Ask Dr. Zoe – How Can I Parent Positively When My Kids Drive Me Crazy?

By Dr. Zoe / Ask Dr. Zoe

‘Kim’ Asked: How can I parent with positivity? My kids drive me crazy. They refuse to help me or are mean to each other way too often. I find myself complaining to them and about them. Dr. Zoe Answered: You and every other mother who cares about her parenting have asked a question just like this. Not only is parenting the hardest job ever, it requires you to assume a different job description with each child. That’s enough to send you to the crazy bin just when you thought you had it all figured out. I can see why you are drawn to positive parenting, though. It sounds really nice. Like a calm, happy, agreeable family all smiling at each other in

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Ask Dr. Zoe – How Can You Change Your Self-Talk?

By Dr. Zoe / Ask Dr. Zoe

‘Krista’ Asked: How do you change self talk. How do you train the voice that is constantly speaking to you to SPEAK POSITIVE. Is there a way to retrain that voice? Dr. Zoe Answered: 100 times yes! This is my absolute favorite area to work on with clients. Your self-talk is not who you are. It is not a function of your personality and you were not born with it. Your self-talk develops over a period of time, often in your childhood. It’s essentially an agreement between what the world tells you about who you are and what you decide to take on as your own. Your self-talk feeds the lens through which you see yourself and the whole world, so you

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Ask Dr. Zoe – How To Interact With a Narcissist

By Dr. Zoe / Ask Dr. Zoe

‘Just Kris’ Asked: I have a sister in law that I believe according to the definition of narcissism has narcissistic tendencies. We don’t spend much time together, but our relationship (along with all of my in-laws that feel they need to tiptoe around her) is strained because it feels like she makes every issue about her, no matter how clearly it is not. She also handles any kind of criticism very poorly, lashing out and if possible demanding a retraction and apology. For instance, I recently gave birth to my second child and we asked her and my brother in law to wait to come down to visit because a lot of my side of the family was down at first and

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Ask Dr. Zoe – How to Co-Parent With a Toxic Ex

By Dr. Zoe / Ask Dr. Zoe

‘Paulette’ Asked: How do you coparent with a toxic ex? Someone who is manipulative, a compulsive liar even to the courts and doesn’t put the kids’ best interests first. Dr. Zoe Answered: You can’t! It’s that simple, but let me explain. The concept of co-parenting is a wonderful one and parents who have picked up this torch have served their children well through their separation. But, I think it has also been damaging to others who see it as attainable in their situation. Co-parenting isn’t for everyone and it certainly won’t work in every scenario. And it won’t work in yours if your ex is truly all those things you just described. You can’t co-parent with someone who is toxic, unreasonable and

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Ask Dr. Zoe – How To Heal Emotionally After Hurt, Betrayal and Divorce

By Dr. Zoe / Ask Dr. Zoe

‘Beijing_Mom’ Asked: My husband and I are in the process of a divorce after being married 20 yrs. I found out he was a porn addict and also that he had given me a STD from other sexual adventures. Lucky for me antibiotics could get rid of this one. The biggest hurt wasn’t the adultery but the years of self hate and anger that he projected onto me. We lived overseas so I couldn’t leave early with our children. The disdain, lack of intimacy, manipulation and anger I experienced from him has left me battered. I’ve been told maybe I have PTSD and I know something is wrong with me. I used to put all my faith in God and think the

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