Dr. Zoe

Dr. Zoe is a licensed psychotherapist and relationship expert who recently jumped out of a perfectly good plane just for the experience.

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Ask Dr. Zoe – Should I Choose My Husband Over My Son?

‘Wench’ Asked: I have been married for 11 years to a man that appears to have narcissistic behavior. 5 years ago because my son was smoking pot, not at the house but away from the house my husband told me I had to choose between my son or him, I was told I needed to kick my son out who was still in high school. As a mother I couldn’t do that to my son. I was told then that I could get out and take my son with me. My husband cried the day I left and begged me to stay but it would be without my son. For 5 years we have continued to see each other and as far […]

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Ask Dr. Zoe – Why Do Strong Independent Women Scare Men?

‘Tat2nurse13’ Asked: Why does being a strong independent woman scare off men? Dr. Zoe Answered: Oh, I love this question! But, your statement isn’t completely true. Historically, it has been proven that the more successful and independent a woman is, the less likely it is that she will find a life partner, but things are a-changin, honey! And yes, it may still be a bit harder for a strong, independent, successful woman to find love, but it’s not because she’s scaring off men. She’s probably attracting the wrong ones. Most men are not intimidated by strong, independent women. The men who are, are men who want to dominate and control women—and he’s not the guy you want anyway. Most men are not

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Ask Dr. Zoe – How Do I Recover From a Life Full of Battles?

‘Alisandra’ Asked: How do you recover from divorce, breast cancer, loss of a job, and not seeing your child every day? Dr. Zoe Answered: My immediate visual after reading your experience is a warrior woman, still standing in the midst of the haze of battle. You may not visualize yourself in this way, but you are still standing—and you’ve been through a battle! I don’t know all of the circumstances. I’m not sure if you have an adult child or a minor. But loss is loss and the best way to recover from it is to walk through it. When a lot of bad things happen to you, you can get hyper-focused on yourself—and you need to! But it can also lead

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Ask Dr. Zoe – Are These Pre-Wedding Jitters or Marriage Red Flags?

‘Ginny Girl’ Asked: My fiance told me a few things that hurt me really bad a few days after the engagement. I gave him a few weeks time, patiently tried to convince him in my way, even went on a day’s trip to make him feel more relaxed thinking he’s probably having his jitters because we were quite fine before the event I felt and I just couldn’t understand why his behavior changed suddenly. I told his parents about this. They intervened too and tried to convince him to stay but still he was only getting worse with time and I finally decided to let my parents know of his dilemma because it worried me to see them run around preparing for

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If You Wait for Marriage, Will Your Sex Life Be Boring?

So, a client got me thinking. He was discussing waiting until marriage to have sex. He expressed his respect for that choice, but also his concern as a dating, single male. He said, “What if I marry her and then find out that we are not sexually compatible?” I can certainly understand his concern. Some people would say, well, if you have never had sex before, you won’t know any difference and it won’t matter. But the majority of people who are abstinent are re-committing to abstinence (some coming out of marriages). They’ve had prior sexual experiences and are worried about sexual compatibility because, well, they actually will know the difference. So, I decided to do some research into this issue, realizing it is one that many couples are facing. In part, the idea

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Ask Dr. Zoe – How Can I Move on After Pregnancy Loss?

‘Pregnancy Loss’ Asked: I am currently dealing with a pregnancy loss. It is a blighted ovum and my body is just not catching up to what is happening. I am going back to the doctor to make final decisions at the end of the week. The problem is I still have pregnancy symptoms and because I haven’t physically miscarried yet, I just don’t feel like I am truly processing what is happening. To make things more complicated my husband is graduating from police academy (he has been gone for 6.5 months – only home on weekends) next week and then we may go away before he starts at his post the following week. While the distraction is helpful, it prolongs the process

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Ask Dr. Zoe – Stuck in a Love Triangle: My Man, His Ex and His Child

‘Toxic Triangle’ Asked: I often feel like my partner is not giving me my place in this toxic triangle of a relationship. I love him very much. I feel like he’s put up with his ex (mother of his children) for so long that he’s become accustomed to her BS and in return, I feel I don’t get the respect I need and the boundaries I set keep getting crossed. She is constantly dangling his daughter in from of him like a piece of meat to get her way all the time because she knows he will always take the bait. It’s frustrating for me to see this happening and when she disrespects me I don’t feel he backs me up. What

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Ask Dr. Zoe – Dating With Daddy Issues, What Are the Pitfalls?

‘NotDaddysGirl’ Asked: I grew up never knowing my biological dad and over the last few years, I’ve started to let myself feel the hurt and sadness that it caused me. I am now a single mom dating again and I want to be aware of the pitfalls that this absence might cause to make sure I make a healthy choice in a future partner/father for my child. Dr. Zoe Answered: The best gift we can give ourselves is to know our deficits well. The fact that you are aware of the effect that your absent father can have on your parenting puts you a step ahead. Women who have grown up with absent fathers often make the mistake of being impressed by

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Ask Dr. Zoe – My Spouse Wants a Divorce, What Should I Do?

“My Husband Wants a Divorce” Asked: My husband asked me for a divorce. I don’t want one. I left the home, but I feel like I should fight for my marriage. What should I do? Dr. Zoe Answered: I am so very sorry. You must feel like you’ve been punched in the gut. My response may be tough to hear. Many others may suggest that you stay and fight for the marriage, but my professional opinion is to give him what he says he wants. Often, spouses in this position feel that refusing and fighting is sending a message to him of your love and devotion, but it isn’t. It’s just disrespecting his wish and yourself. Instead, ask him to go to

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Ask Dr. Zoe – Handling a Step Child’s Jealousy

‘Stepmom Wanting to Do the Best for Her Crew’ Asked: I find, like most siblings, that in a family that has children from two households, there is a love-hate between them. However, I have noticed jealousy in the child that is not with us full time. I am sympathetic to the situation and love him but do not want to accept bad behavior just because the circumstance is challenging. Nor do I want that behavior to impact my biological child. Do you have any thoughts or ideas to approach these conversations or actions I can take to curb bad behavior while offering understanding? I want to act before it becomes a more significant issue. Stepmom Wanting to Do the Best for Her

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Ask Dr. Zoe – How Do I Handle Crushing Grief?

‘Deb’ Asked: As I listened to Julie Graham’s story, I look back at how I prayed for her as she walked through Paul’s death. Little did I know that a week later, I would be walking through my own shock and grief when my 36-year-old daughter died suddenly. Then less than 2 months later, in December 2017, my mom died suddenly and 2 weeks later, my husband had a massive stroke which has left him with left-side paralysis. As I listened to Julie’s podcast, it brought me right back there. I have never spoken to anyone about the intense grief that sometimes just overwhelms me. Dr. Zoe Answered: Your story breaks my heart, but the last sentence concerned me more than all

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Ask Dr. Zoe – Conquering Phobias

‘Sleepless Beauty’ Asked: I have suffered from fear at night my whole life. I love sleeping, but falling asleep is the worst part for me. I’m always nervous that there is someone in my house, or will break in when I am sleeping. This has never actually happened to me in my 24 years of living, but it’s been an absolute fear since I can remember (about 6 years old). I’ve told myself for years that I’ll be fine when I’m an adult… well I’m married now and still haven’t changed one bit. What are some ways I can start getting over this? I don’t want to be a mother who is more scared at night then her children. And I feel

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Ask Dr. Zoe – I Love Being a Working Mom, But I Need More Balance!

‘Balancing Busy Mama’ Asked: I’m a single mom who works nearly full-time. I love my son, and I love my work, but sometimes it feels impossible to do it all. I find it hard to admit this to friends who don’t work because they often want to answer it by saying I should stop working. Well, that’s not an option, and honestly, I wouldn’t want to (say I were to remarry one day). What are some real ways to balance it and succeed in both career and motherhood? Dr. Zoe Answered: Balancing Busy Mama, Guess what? You’re right! It is impossible to do it all perfectly and beautifully—so let’s just get that out in the open right now! Sometimes it will be

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Ask Dr. Zoe – How to Find a Career You’re Passionate About

‘Carol’ Asked: I burned out and am changing careers mid-life. How can I assess my personality and joys to find a fulfilling new path? Dr. Zoe Answered: Carol, Good for you! You are doing what so many women dream of and regret not doing when they are older. It’s great that you are looking for a new path. There are tons of personality and vocation profiling tests and they can certainly be useful, but you have lived half a life. A personality test will give you some general answers about your talents, but it is not fully specific to you. What it won’t tell you is what your passions are. And it’s time to seek your passion, not what may be a

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Ask Dr. Zoe – Are My Expectations Too High?

‘Faith Over Fear’ Asked: I have been asked by several of my girlfriends who have watched me struggle, and somehow survive, “How do you deal with disappointment?” I don’t have the answers. And if I did, I would be selling it online in mass quantities for all my fellow stressed out warrior women out there. I struggle. It’s human. I would like to think I am secure and confident enough to admit it. One of the largest weaknesses I have is how sensitive I am to other people and their inability to step up and be better people. I want nothing more than for all of us to strive for better character. If the quote goes, “Be the change you wish to see

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Ask Dr. Zoe – What Is Normal Anxiety & When Should I Seek Help?

‘Potential Worry-Wart’ Asked: What is “normal” anxiety, and what crosses over into clinical? In my mid-20s, I experienced panic attacks and a couple years of moderate to severe anxiety and depression. Before then, I did not experience any of those things and believe I had “normal” mental health. There were life circumstances that went into play with the panic, anxiety, and depression, and I did go on medication during that season. I am now off of medication, but still in counseling and group therapy. As the mental health conversation expands, some people explore unconventional treatments like psilocybe cubensis, hoping to find relief from their struggles. Psilocybin, the active compound in these mushrooms, has shown promise in clinical settings as a potential treatment

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Ask Dr. Zoe – Handling My Teen’s Anger

‘Mama Llama’ Asked: My 12-year-old male middle child gets very angry. He is belligerent and moody and verbally unkind to his immediate family. What are some ways to handle this aggressive behavior? Dr. Zoe Answered: I have been a mama of a 12-year-old three times so far, and I know how very difficult they can sometimes be. Occasionally, their wonderful, beautiful, brilliant self shines through, and you’re like, “Yes! There you are! I missed you.” But then they disappear again. Clearly, your son is angry. Let’s assume that he has good reason to be angry. Let him know that you feel his anger makes sense (validate his anger) and watch how it dissipates. When we don’t feel validated, we feel we have

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