‘Panicked in Pennsylvania’ Asked:
Dr. Zoe,
It has been many years since leaving an abusive relationship. I’m very happy and safe these days. However, I still find certain things will come up that trigger me and send my entire physical body into distress: I may start crying uncontrollably, my skin turns red, and I feel physically panicked and sick. When it happens, even my to-do list can go completely out the window.
I am not in any present danger; it is simply unrealistic fears and thoughts of the past and that overwhelm, and logic seemingly goes out the window. I believe I am very, very far along in my healing journey and it surprises me when this happens. Do you have any suggestions for how to practically get these feelings out of my system when my past abuse still triggers me? I would really like to fully move on from this.
Dr. Zoe Answered:
Hi Panicked in Pennsylvania,
I’m really glad you asked this question. Your experience is a perfect example of how your body houses your trauma, sometimes separately from your mind. And what you’re describing is a very real and very common part of healing.
Your mind has done a tremendous amount of work, but your body hasn’t caught up with what you now know to be true.
So when these episodes happen, it can feel confusing, even discouraging. But they’re not coming out of nowhere.
What’s likely happening is that something in your environment—a smell, a sound, a subtle sense of déjà vu—triggers your brain to send a signal that you’re in danger. You’re not. But your body doesn’t know that yet. It responds as if it needs to fight or run, even though your logical and emotional self is grounded and safe.
This doesn’t mean you’re not moving on. It means there’s a small gap between what your mind knows and what your body still remembers.
If you have access to somatic therapy, it can be incredibly helpful for this kind of response. But there are also practical things you can do in the moment.
First, anchor yourself in the present. When you feel the panic rising, gently bring your attention to your five senses. Name what you can see, hear, feel, smell, and taste. This grounds your body in what is actually happening right now.
Second, help your body complete the stress cycle. Think about how your body feels after running hard—your heart races, your breathing is uneven, your body is activated. The difference is, in that situation, you understand why, so it doesn’t bother you. When your body goes into that same state without a clear reason, your mind tries to make sense of it, which can increase the panic.
Instead, meet your body where it is. Move. Do a few jumping jacks, take a brisk walk, or shake out the tension. Then follow it with a deliberate “cool down.” Slow your breathing, sip something warm, or step outside and feel your feet on the ground. As you do, remind yourself: I am safe. This is my body remembering, not my present reality.
Over time, this helps your body learn what your mind already knows.
You mentioned that you have unrealistic anxious thoughts sometimes. When those unrealistic fears start to take over, it can feel like they’re telling you something urgent and true. But in moments like this, those thoughts are often echoes of the past, not reflections of your present.
Your mind is trying to protect you by scanning for danger, even when there isn’t any. Instead of arguing with the thoughts or following them down the spiral, gently acknowledge them: This feels real, but it isn’t happening right now. Then bring yourself back to what is true in this moment—where you are, who you’re with, what is actually in front of you.
The goal isn’t to fight against the thoughts, but to loosen their grip so they don’t pull your body further into distress. Over time, as you respond this way, both your mind and body will begin to recalibrate to safety.
You’re doing a beautiful job. The goal isn’t to never feel this again, because sometimes it will surface; it’s to respond to it differently when it comes. Try not to create a story around the panic. Instead, meet it with understanding, give your body what it needs, and let it pass.
You’ve got this!
Dr. Zoe
