(Listen to the audio version of this article here.)
In my 60s, you would think I’d be beyond the need for validation, the wondering if I shouldn’t do more, be more, have it a little more together. After all, isn’t that what our social influencers, women’s magazines, and our culture in general tell us?
Age equates to maturity, and maturity results in confidence.
But let me share a little secret: That paradigm is a lie. It leaves women aimlessly wandering, angry and frustrated, searching for the thing that will complete them.
When Will I Feel Like I’m Enough?
And here is another nugget to consider: These feelings of inadequacy have no age limit. They rush in the first time we are rejected on the playground, burrow their way into our hearts as we experience our first teenage rejection, build sturdy barriers as we pursue a career, get married, have children, and don’t “fail” at any of these, because that can cause a permanent scar.
And finally, it constructs a story that can cause us to hide. A narrative that our pride won’t let us share. The resulting emotional battle keeps us intimidated and questioning our value and worth.
I’ve seen this pattern play out in women’s lives time and again. Perhaps a version of this story is unfolding in our own lives. We find ourselves comparing our accomplishments to those of other women in our social circles, and sometimes we feel as though we’re coming up short. Or we revisit past decisions and criticize ourselves for the choices we wish we had made differently.
My Little Girl: The Voice of Doubt and Insecurity
I call this relentless voice that causes me to doubt my “little girl.” She is the culmination of my childhood experiences that taught me to question my value and the collection of all the adult feedback that caused me to doubt my abilities. And then there are the reminders she offers on all the negative words I’ve spoken over myself. Hers are the critical words that cement my shame and bind my guilt around a tender, vulnerable heart.
But here is something to consider: We don’t have to spend another minute feeling trapped or waste any more time trying to quiet our little girl. We don’t need to fight to keep the “I’ve got it all together” mask perfectly positioned. There is a way to quiet that little girl in our heads. To silence her prompts to focus on our failures and stop her reminders of our shortcomings.
Joyce Meyer, in her book Living Beyond Your Feelings, shares, “Our feelings are unreliable and cannot be trusted to convey truth.”
So what can we do when our feelings are causing us to believe the lies?
We can replace the lies with God’s truth.
Recognize the Lies, and Replace Them With God’s Truth
I heard the little girl’s lies clearly as I prepared to leave my dream job. I had waited for months to join the team. A team of like-minded men and women, with a mission to help fill the gaps that burdened our community. I had been there a few short years, but felt I had helped the organization grow. It was fulfilling, meaningful, important work, and I came to the office daily excited to help make an impact. But then the call came.
A restructure eliminated my role, and as I considered my next steps, I decided it was time to make a significant change. I moved from public service to consulting, from team involvement to isolation, from feeling valuable to questioning my worth. Doubt, fear, and insecurities filled my heart.
I caught myself listening intently to the negative thoughts, and before I knew it, they had my full attention. My sense of purpose had been snatched out from under what I thought were firmly planted feet, and I began to slide to the bottom of an emotional pit.
But during that downward journey, I recognized the origins of my insecurities for what they were. I had forgotten what God had said about me, how he views me, and I was believing the lies. And in that moment, I knew I had to stand. God never asks us to place our confidence in ourselves. He asks us to place our confidence in Him. Faith is the exchange of self-doubt for trust in the One who never fails.
“God never asks us to place our confidence in ourselves. He asks us to place our confidence in Him. Faith is the exchange of self-doubt for trust in the One who never fails.”
We can exchange our insecurities for faith.
When the Past Still Hurts, Listen for the Right Voice
That small voice appeared during one of the most difficult seasons of my life. It came amid a relentless journey through infertility, a failed adoption, and a decade of hospital stays. That little girl’s voice returned with each new failure, a constant narrator as doubt crept in. With each experience, her small voice echoed in my heart, never allowing me to move beyond feelings of inadequacy and, at times, fear.
The inadequacy made me believe I could never perform my way to that coveted place of peace. And the fear gnawed at me, wondering if someday others would realize that all the pretending was just that, and the ugly truth of the lie I was living would somehow come out.
Yet the mask stayed in place, though small cracks were starting to form just above the brow line. Cracks that fed my anxiety and threatened to expose all my well-hidden secrets, bringing them to the surface in a world that had always rewarded me for staying quiet and concealed. It was a life of anxious anticipation, not a place anyone should make home.
Then one Sunday morning, while sitting in a sea of church attendees, the pastor’s voice pushed through my sadness. The message was clear: Daughter, you don’t have to live with fear or embarrassment for who you are. You will never be perfect, and God still loves you. You can trade all your insecurities for trust in the Father’s consistent love.
The loudest voice in your life should not be your fears, your failures, or your doubts—it should be God’s truth. When we replace negative self-talk with what God says about us, insecurity loses its power and faith finds its footing.
The loudest voice in our life should not be our fears, our failures, or our doubts—it should be God’s truth. When we replace negative self-talk with what God says about us, insecurity loses its power and faith finds its footing.
Have you ever caught yourself listening to the lies of your past? Maybe you’ve heard the quiet voice that whispers you’re not enough, or you’ve carried the weight of mistakes, painful experiences, or words spoken over you when your heart was vulnerable. If you find yourself still wrestling with false labels or an identity shaped by hurt rather than truth, know that you are not alone.
Take a moment to pause and remember this: God does not define us by our past, our failures, or the wounds we’ve endured. He calls us His beloved, chosen, and deeply valued. His truth is greater than every lie, and His grace is stronger than every regret. I encourage each one of us to invite Him to gently reveal the places where His truth can replace fear, shame, and uncertainty with the unshakable confidence of who we are in Him.
