Dr. Zoe Shaw | The Grit and Grace Project

Ask Dr. Zoe – How Do I Recover From My Spouse’s Affair?

‘Betrayed’ Asked: I found out last year my husband of 25 years had been having an affair. He was a pastor when we first got married and we were teaching a Sunday-school class at the time he was having the affair. I’m just trying to figure out how to deal with the betrayal of someone who supposedly claimed to be such a wonderful Christian person? Dr. Zoe Answered: Dealing with betrayal is devastating no matter what the circumstances. The gut-wrenching blows to marriage and your psyche created by infidelity can only be understood by someone who has been through it. To be honest, when we are struggling to understand something, we hang our hats on the lowest hook, whether it is the […]

Ask Dr. Zoe – How Do I Recover From My Spouse’s Affair? Read More »

Ask Dr. Zoe – How to Avoid Gossip Among Friends

By Dr. Zoe Shaw / Ask Dr. Zoe

‘Minny Mama’ Asked: I have two friends in my mom group that are bickering/gossiping about each other to another friend in our group. I don’t like to get involved in gossip or other women’s drama. However, I feel that these women will each say I am not being a loyal friend. What do I do? I thought that high school had ended. Thanks! Dr. Zoe Answered: And sometimes high school continues…We have all gossiped at some time in our lives. I know I have! Some people make whole careers of it. But I’m just going to say it: Gossiping is a sign of immaturity and it should be a habit that a woman of grit and grace matures out of. Time alone does

Ask Dr. Zoe – How to Avoid Gossip Among Friends Read More »

Get Expert Advice, Ask Dr. Zoe Now

By Dr. Zoe Shaw / Life & Culture

If you haven’t met her yet or had the opportunity to read her spot on advice, well, we think it’s a must-do for 2019. The strong woman behind this weekly column, Dr. Zoe Shaw, is a licensed psychotherapist, educated at UCLA and Pepperdine University. She has a private practice in sunny California and a virtual practice working with people all over the world! She is a motivational speaker, podcast host, life coach, and fitness fanatic. Dr. Zoe is also a busy wife and mama of five, which fuels her desire to help women attain the elusive balance between work, life, self, and relationships. Yes, like the rest of us she is an overly ambitious multi-tasker who is spinning a lot of plates!

Get Expert Advice, Ask Dr. Zoe Now Read More »

Ask Dr. Zoe – Starting Over After a Failed Relationship

By Dr. Zoe Shaw / Ask Dr. Zoe

‘Starting Over’ Asked: After several years I realized I had surrendered myself to a man who was not committed to me. We never married, we have a child together whom I love dearly, but I finally came to understand that I was carrying the entire weight of keeping the family together. I have been the consistent income earner, paid the bills at the home he owned, and created a family atmosphere. I have finally expressed my disappointment only to be dismissed. I started separating myself and our child from him physically and financially. But it is so hard to separate emotionally. I have given so much for so long that I feel shortchanged, especially since I am the one that has to

Ask Dr. Zoe – Starting Over After a Failed Relationship Read More »

A Little Encouragement When Motherhood Is Disappointing

By Dr. Zoe Shaw / Motherhood

Wait. Is this taboo? Can I talk about when this joyous thing called parenting is disappointing? Whether you have a newborn who is screaming all night or a 40-year-old adult child living downstairs, there comes a point (well, many of them maybe) when a parent thinks, wait—this sucks! Before you get offended, let me acknowledge that talking about the not-so-great parts of parenting does not in any way negate the amazing, heartwarming, life-changing miracle that parenting is. It really is. But sometimes it is truly disappointing, and way too often we parents take on way too much guilt, which of course only further impedes our good parenting moments. We are never off the hook as parents, but that doesn’t mean we are destined to a

A Little Encouragement When Motherhood Is Disappointing Read More »

Ask Dr. Zoe – How Do I Set Boundaries with My Invasive Mother-in-Law?

By Dr. Zoe Shaw / Ask Dr. Zoe

‘Weighed Down Wife’ Asked: How do you converse with your husband about your invasive mother-in-law? I found her one day in our bedroom changing our sheets, she has “cleaned” our bedroom without being asked, and puts things in our house where she feels they need to be. When brought up to my husband he gets extremely defensive and says she does so much for us, she watches our son and saves us money and our son loves her. How can I relay the invasive behavior and lack of privacy without making him feel like I am ungrateful? This is a constant issue in our marriage since I was pregnant and had our son. Prior to that, there was zero issue. Dr. Zoe

Ask Dr. Zoe – How Do I Set Boundaries with My Invasive Mother-in-Law? Read More »

Ask Dr. Zoe – Is it Possible to Be Overly Emotional?

By Dr. Zoe Shaw / Ask Dr. Zoe

‘Emotionally Charged’ Asked: Is there such thing as being overly emotional? I hear this all the time by family members. I cry when I’m happy, anxious, scared, angry. I don’t have any explanation for why this is the emotion I am most prone to. Can you explain this? Dr. Zoe Answered: Emotionally Charged, We are all born with a temperament that is essentially built into our DNA. Our temperament interacts with our environment to solidify a personality over the first 3-4 years of our life. Some people do seem a little more sensitive than others, and this is sometimes just a temperament thing. I would be less worried about what others say and more concerned about what you feel. Do you feel

Ask Dr. Zoe – Is it Possible to Be Overly Emotional? Read More »

Ask Dr. Zoe – Can I Move On If I Still Love My Ex?

By Dr. Zoe Shaw / Ask Dr. Zoe

‘Turmoil in Texas’ Asked: My husband and I were married for 12 years. He cheated and we have been separated for the last four years and are now getting a divorce. I was very angry at him the first two years after we separated. Then, when my anger subsided and I forgave him I wasn’t sure where to go from there. Our lives are intertwined raising our kids and his family is my family. The last two years I have gone back and forth emotionally. I have finally accepted I still love him. I don’t think spending our lives together will work out but I can’t get completely over him. How can I move forward? Dr. Zoe Answered: Turmoil in Texas, Divorce

Ask Dr. Zoe – Can I Move On If I Still Love My Ex? Read More »

Ask Dr. Zoe – In Love with a Narcissist

By Dr. Zoe Shaw / Ask Dr. Zoe

‘In Love With a Narcissist’ Asked: How long do I stay in a marriage with a narcissist who continually emotionally and verbally abuses me? Can he be treated/healed through counseling? I love this man with all my heart and have since middle school. (I’m in my mid-forties.) I left and divorced him once and then after 18 months apart, we reconnected and went to counseling weekly for 8 months. We remarried and it hasn’t even been a year since our wedding and I’ve moved out again. I do not want another divorce but can he be healed from narcissistic traits? I cannot stay in an abusive marriage, no matter how much I love him. In Love With a Narcissist Dr. Zoe Answered:

Ask Dr. Zoe – In Love with a Narcissist Read More »

Ask Dr. Zoe – Embrace Confrontation, Even When You Fear Rejection

By Dr. Zoe Shaw / Ask Dr. Zoe

‘Worship Band’ Asked: I sing in the worship band at my church. I was convinced to join by a friend who noticed me confidently singing all the words at practice. The leader agreed that I was a good fit. Fast forward two years and I’m still singing about once per month in the worship band. Often there are weeks when the leader is singing by himself without backup. And I know the other two backup singers besides me have told him they are unavailable. I can’t help wondering why the leader doesn’t ask me to sing more often. And I kept thinking he’d rather have no one than me and that he thinks the other singers are better than me. I don’t

Ask Dr. Zoe – Embrace Confrontation, Even When You Fear Rejection Read More »

Ask Dr. Zoe – Dating a Recovering Addict

By Dr. Zoe Shaw / Ask Dr. Zoe

‘Dating a Recovering Addict’ Asked: I have a friend who is getting serious with someone who’s a former addict. He has been through rehab more than once, but this last time seems to have been successful. He’s healthy and dedicated to his long-term recovery. I want to be supportive of my friend, and I know that people can change with hard work and commitment, however, are there some things that my friend can do to protect herself in this new relationship? Are there questions she should be asking him? Are there warning signs she should be aware of? I want to believe and hope for the best, but I also want to realistic. Dr. Zoe Answered: You are a wonderful friend to

Ask Dr. Zoe – Dating a Recovering Addict Read More »

Ask Dr. Zoe – Setting Boundaries When In-Laws Divorce

By Dr. Zoe Shaw / Ask Dr. Zoe, Relationships

‘Stuck in the Middle’ Asked: How do my husband and I practically set boundaries with our parents who are each going through a separation/divorce? Both sets of parents are going through a break in their marriage and all four of them come to us to talk. It’s affecting our mood, emotional eating, fitness level, family life with our kids, and work. It’s constant. Holidays have been the absolute worst. How do we love them even when we’re angry with their decisions? How do we protect our family unit from the effects of the drama? I’ve resorted to literally miming the action of putting on sunglasses to block the drama when I feel overwhelmed! Stuck in the Middle Dr. Zoe Answered: Dear ‘Stuck

Ask Dr. Zoe – Setting Boundaries When In-Laws Divorce Read More »

Ask Dr. Zoe: Get Expert Advice for Your Life

By Dr. Zoe Shaw / Ask Dr. Zoe

Are you struggling with a lingering issue or life problem for which you can’t seem to find an answer? Maybe it’s something you’re unsure of, and you’re afraid to talk to your friends about it. Or, you’ve tried several ways to manage an issue, yet you’re still stuck. You are not alone. It’s OK to seek advice. And help can be found. Here at The Grit and Grace Project online magazine, we have been privileged to partner with Dr. Zoe Shaw, a licensed psychotherapist, educated at UCLA and Pepperdine University. She has a private practice in sunny California and a virtual practice working with people all over the world! She is a motivational speaker, podcast host, life coach, and fitness fanatic. She’s been a

Ask Dr. Zoe: Get Expert Advice for Your Life Read More »

When Your Friends and Family Can’t Get Over the Affair

By Dr. Zoe Shaw / Relationships

Objectivity within the Affair No one knows for sure, but it is estimated that affairs affect 40-70% of all marriages. Most affairs are eventually discovered. During this devastating time, people often disclose the affair to friends and family in search of necessary support. So what happens when it’s you? Your partner cheated. You are devastated. You run out and tell your friends and family. This is okay because you do need the support, but you are surprised once your relationship is on the mend that your friends and family are the ones who haven’t gotten over it. First things first: if you have any inclination that your relationship may stay intact, only disclose to people who aren’t too emotionally invested in the relationship. The

When Your Friends and Family Can’t Get Over the Affair Read More »

By Dr. Zoe Shaw / Ask Dr. Zoe

Are you struggling with a lingering issue or life problem for which you can’t seem to find an answer? Maybe you’re confused about one of your relationships or perhaps it’s a personal problem you’re afraid to talk to your friends about. You are not alone. It’s OK to seek advice, and help can be found. Here at The Grit and Grace Project online magazine, we have been privileged to partner with Dr. Zoe Shaw, a licensed psychotherapist, educated at UCLA and Pepperdine University. She has a private practice in sunny California and a virtual practice working with people all over the world! She is a motivational speaker, podcast host, life coach, and fitness fanatic. She’s been a contributing writer and frequent podcast guest

Hope: the Legacy of MLK and What It Means to Me

By Dr. Zoe Shaw / Life & Culture

Every year at this time, I have a few passing thoughts about Dr. King as we celebrate the birthday of a man who changed this nation. Honestly, I am embarrassed to say that I am usually more focused on trivial things such as whether we actually get a day off and making plans for the day. This year, I was asked what Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. means to me. I am so thankful that I took the time to reflect … my answer is hope. The man, Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., was killed seven years before I was born. By the time I began to have any understanding of him as a man and the impact he had, the Civil Rights Movement was

Hope: the Legacy of MLK and What It Means to Me Read More »