As risky as it is to begin dating again, there is something far worse than not opening our hearts to people or new encounters. The alternative is living a small and fearful life. We were designed for full, abundant living, which involves inviting people in, setting aside our fears, and partnering with someone to make a difference in our corner of the world.
4 Steps to Take When You Start Dating Again
1. Set aside self-preservation and open your heart. When I started dating again after being widowed for five years, I was willing to open my heart. Dating was fun until… it wasn’t.
So I started building a brick wall around my heart after a few red flags and rejection. The brick wall was supposed to be a heart-protective measure, but instead, it shut people out. If God is nudging you to step out into the risk of dating again, be willing to approach it with heart wide open, asking God to guide your endeavors.
2. Recognize the lies about your worth. Rejection told me I wasn’t attractive, or loveable, that maybe I was past my prime to consider new love. For a while, I believed the lies. That is, until I read the Word of God that describes who I am in Christ Jesus—a beloved daughter of the King. Here’s one of my fav verses: “See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God.” – 1 John 3:1
3. Acknowledge that red flags should be deal breakers. I let a few red flags flap in the breeze because they weren’t a big deal. Right? But they really were.
Red flags are warning signs, and warnings are a gift from your kind Father who loves you and wants the best for you. We women tend to either not recognize the warning signs, or we believe we can live with the situation, or we think we can change the man. Ask yourself: Are you overlooking any flashing caution signs?
4. Hold out for the one God wants you to be with. We humans were created for connection—as precarious as it is to allow someone a peek into our hearts. We were created to take on the navigation of new relationships. Which takes time. And effort. It means not settling. And not losing hope.
What to Look For
When the opportunity to date again first presented itself, I made a list of qualities I was looking for in a date (since I probably wouldn’t marry someone I hadn’t dated). On the list were things like, Christ-follower, family man, spends time making life easier for others, good sense of humor, likes to get outdoors as much as I do, manages his money well, isn’t spending the bulk of his days in an easy chair with a remote control in hand.
