If Your Daughter Is Boy-Crazy, You Need to Read This

My daughters entered life as different creatures when it came to the opposite sex. To one, the attention of boys meant a lot. The other, well, not so much. I can’t say what created the difference; perhaps just their personalities because they came from the same gene pool. You may have one of those girls—maybe your daughter is boy-crazy, too!

Since I was never one who was boy-crazy, I found it quite perplexing, feeling uncertain how to address this new frontier. My eldest daughter just liked the attention of boys. She wasn’t necessarily attached to them. In fact, we often said she discarded boys as one does a tissue in allergy season. I often felt sorry for those young men who showed up on our doorstep with such optimism.

But in those years, it concerned me. Was this going to be a problem? Was this desire for attention one that would create more difficult issues as she grew toward adulthood? The answer to those questions is sometimes ‘yes’, and it is most often ‘no.’

Girls do like boys and the attention they can offer. This fact is not a big deal. Some girls tend to like boys a whole lot. Moms just have to step back and take a balanced look at how to deal with that reality.

If your daughter is boy-crazy, let me share what I’ve learned:

1. Do not make this a big deal!

We spoke of this reality freely within our family, but usually in a fun, lighthearted manner. As long as the other parts of her life were in balance—school, extra-curricular activities, faith, and friends—we determined she was ok.

Now, that’s not to say this isn’t something you need to watch—you do! But the bigger and more negative of an issue you make, the more she’ll dig her heels in. Then she will say less about her newest infatuation, leaving you clueless, which is the one thing you don’t want to be.

2. Our home became the place to be.

If she was going to have these walking hormones in her life, they would be in our home as much as possible. We provided a welcoming, comfortable family room setting for them to hang out, and we would periodically and without warning visit said location. The goal is to gain as much knowledge as you can about your daughter’s life. And bringing her life into your home gives you the opportunity to do exactly that.

3. Make sure she’s prepared when she does go out.

You can’t keep her and the rest of her tribe home all the time. It’s inevitable she will be out with friends or that young man she is so enamored with. When she is, make sure she is prepared for every eventuality.

Not every infatuation she has is going to be a great guy. I know that’s terrifying but being prepared with that knowledge, even if she rolls her eyes when you deliver it will keep her out of challenging situations. IMom has a good boy-crazy daughter article with four rules for your girl that you can build into your conversation.

And moms, there is nothing wrong with enrolling your girl in a self-defense class. It will both empower and protect. While they are working through the emotions that come with these minute-long loves, you want to make sure they are safe.

4. Involve her in opportunities to build her future.

While she’s busy flirting with the opposite sex, she also needs to be occupied with discovering her talents and passions. Her need for the attention of the opposite success can often be overridden by the need to feel accomplished. From outside activities, education choices, and even volunteer work, it is vital that she unearths her life road that is separate from the current boy on her radar. One that will give her independence and self-confidence to live her life with or without that life partner.

Girls do like boys and the attention they can offer. This fact is not a big deal. Some girls tend to like boys a whole lot. Moms just have to step back and take a balanced look at how to deal with that reality.

5. Reinforce her worth and beauty regardless of the attention she seeks.

I am going to venture into complete political incorrectness. Every female wants to feel attractive and of worth. And there is nothing wrong with those emotions. It becomes dangerous when that confirmation of beauty and worth come solely from the attention of the opposite sex.

You need to continue to reinforce within your daughter that she is beautiful. Don’t pass off the need for your girl to wear clothes that make her feel pretty or balance her desire to fit in with your budget and modesty concerns. But most importantly, the external beauty you is not what you focus on; their lasting beauty is who they are inside. Her worth is who she is, not what other people see.

You may need to enlist others to help with this; they often listen to others before they do you. But as you’re helping her balance your “daughter is boy-crazy,” life, help her have confidence in her worth.

6. Keep Dad (or another healthy adult man you trust) anchored in her life.

These are hard years for dads. The little girl who used to crawl into his lap is now breezing past him to open the door for a creature he is entirely suspicious of (rightfully so). Make sure there is time for just the two of them, from minutes alone in the car to a date night with Dad. If she doesn’t have that dad, find an uncle, grandfather, or family friend you trust.

Every girl (especially one who is enamored with boys) needs a healthy adult male relationship to use as a barometer for every other male that enters her life. Make a plan with that male figure you trust to be that adult man in her life. They truly can speak into the view from the perspective of their gender that you never will be able to. Let them.

7. Take heart; this too will pass (at least mostly).

More often than not, this is a season of discovery. One that a girl is testing the waters to see how these relationships look and feel. To see if she can gain the attention of the opposite sex. This is also a time when there is peer pressure to have that relationship. It may be because this matters to her or because she thinks it should matter to her. Either way, the transition will come with a desire to build a healthy relationship, one that becomes a lasting partnership.

The truth I discovered is that even though my daughter seemed superficial in many of her infatuations, her feelings were real. Had I countered them, dismissed them, or ridiculed them, it would have been harmful to her. She was exploring her emotions toward the opposite sex in a way that was right for her.

So, moms, don’t freak out; don’t panic. The boy-crazy girls in your life may not be as crazy as you think. Ride this wave with them and the parade of young men you may see or even just hear about. Like potty training, multiplication tables, and middle school hormonal swings, this too shall pass.

—
For more encouragement in your “momming,” listen to this episode of our podcast: When Is Your Teen out of Control and What Do You Do? (with Dr. Zoe Shaw) – 032