You’re perched at a table in a coffee shop, surveying the room. To your right sits a young couple, each with eyes tethered to their phone as their muffins sit half-forgotten on the plate. Directly ahead, a young mom holds out a sandwich for her child. He accepts each bite mechanically, his gaze shackled to the cartoon pulsing on the screen. To the left, three teenagers shovel down waffles as their fingers dance feverishly across the glass. They occasionally let out a hysterical laugh, but mostly they just stare vacantly into the glow.
A hollow ache settles in. Is this really where we’re at? Toddlers staring at screens while they eat? Friends not talking? Couples not looking each other in the eye?
Are We Prisoners of Our Devices?
If you can relate, you’re not alone; I experience this almost every day. Yet, if I’m honest, I must confront my own complicity—the ways in which I judge the room while remaining deeply attached to the digital space we inhabit.
I love that I get to write an article here in Italy, hit publish, and within seconds have someone in the U.S. reading my words. I love being able to listen to great preachers, awesome music, and the world’s best health experts at the click of a button. I love being able to tune into Youtube and get homemaking, motherhood, and lifestyle inspiration.
At the same time, however, I hate that our devices promise connection with the world but disconnect us from those in front of us. I hate the stifling expectation that we need to be available on our digital channels all the time. Most of all, I hate my own moments of digital fragmentation, when I fail to hear my husband or children because I’m listening to someone who’s on my device but not in my house.
The only way forward that I can see for myself and for others is implementing boundaries.
To that end—and to break some of my own habitual phone usage—I engaged in a two-week experiment: a phone hiatus.
The Experiment: I Ditched My Phone for Two Weeks
My goal for the two weeks was to reduce my phone use to a minimum. In practice that meant that I didn’t use my phone for listening to content, working, or reading/writing emails and messages (especially WhatsApp, the messaging system we use here in Europe).
At home, I stopped taking my phone around with me, and instead I left it on a stand. When I went out, I took my phone, but it remained tucked away inside my purse.
During these two weeks I also didn’t listen to podcasts while walking or cleaning, choosing instead to sit down and watch them on my laptop. (This meant I didn’t listen to many podcasts!).
I checked messages three times every day (except Saturdays, my regular digital Sabbath): in the morning at around 8, at lunchtime, and a final check around 7 p.m. I did these message check-ups on my laptop (Whatsapp has a web version) in order to break my dependence on my phone.
During this time, I also didn’t scroll the Substack feed or YouTube shorts (the only social media I use).
The results of the experiment? It was amazing!
The Benefits of Not Using My Phone
- While at first I struggled to wait to check messages (FOMO anyone?), as I persisted with only checking messages three times a day, I gained a greater capacity to wait for the gratification of knowing what was happening in the online world.
- Having a message checking/sending limit forced me to be organized and intentional as I had to make a note of the people I needed to message when they came to mind, so that when I logged in at my scheduled time later, I would remember.
- During this experiment a pressing matter arose one day and I bypassed the keyboard and called my husband. Hearing his voice was a grounding reminder that phones were meant for conversation, not just consumption!
- I gained sharper focus and a depth of clarity I didn’t know I was missing when working. Time-blocking certain times to check messages and do life admin, meant I was able to get into a flow state and do deep work.As someone who easily gets overwhelmed with constant communication and information, this experiment helped me feel calmer and more focused.
- Being less connected to my phone gave me more space and time for other things: I prayed more, I read more (I finished two books that had been in my currently reading list), and I did more writing by hand.
- As my last message-checking appointment was around 7 p.m., when I went to bed at 10 p.m. I was relaxed as I’d had enough time to process what I’d read.
Don’t get me wrong, there were some challenges to this experiment. Because of not being as connected to my phone, I missed a couple of phone calls and a last-minute request for a play date. Yet, it was totally worth being unavailable to the world for a few hours as it made me more available to my life.
My Experience Going Forward
Although my phone hiatus was scheduled to last two weeks, I’ve continued most of the practices.
I still schedule message check-ups and I’ve maintained the practice of leaving my phone on a stand or table at home. I also don’t use email on my phone, unless I’m out of the house and I need to complete a specific task.
What’s changed?
I’m more flexible with checking messages on my phone if my laptop isn’t handy, and I’ll check messages four or five times a day, if there is a specific situation I need to organize. Other than that, I keep a three-times-a-day goal.
If this has inspired you to use your phone less, or even try a similar experiment, here are some ways you can silence the digital hum of your phone.
9 Ways to Silence the Digital Hum
1. Make your phone boring. Delete entertainment apps, turn-off all non-essential notifications. and set your phone to grayscale mode.
2. Change how you carry it. If you’re at home, place your phone on a stand or table, and if out of the house, keep it inside a bag, and only use your phone if necessary.
3. Reclaim paper. Write to-do lists in a notebook or planner, keep a paper calendar, read physical books (including your Bible).
4. Batch your communication. Whenever possible, check/send emails and messages on your computer and schedule specific times to do so. (You don’t have to limit it to three times a day if that doesn’t fit your work/season in life, but try to challenge yourself.) For urgent matters, call the person instead.
5. Externalize your music. Listen to your favorite tunes on a smart speaker like Amazon’s Echo Dot, or, if you want to be really old-school, listen to a portable radio or vinyl records.
6. Seek nature. The more time we spend enjoying the great outdoors, the less likely we are to spend time on our phones.
7. Put your phone to bed. Set your phone to airplane mode and keep your phone in another room overnight. (If you need to remain reachable for an elderly relative, put your phone on do-not disturb, allowing calls only from emergency contacts and make sure the sound is high). If you use your phone alarm, switch to a physical alarm clock.
8. Desktop-only social media. Delete the apps from your phone, and use the desktop versions instead. Doing this, will create a physical limitation to social media access, as well as break some of your phone use habits.
9. Observe a digital Sabbath. Schedule a weekly day where you don’t use your phone for 24 hours. (Tell people beforehand if necessary!)
By setting these boundaries, we might just find ourselves looking up from the artificial glow and back into the eyes of our fellow human beings.
