Ask Dr Zoe | Grit and Grace Life

Ask Dr. Zoe – When Is a Friendship Toxic?

‘Frazzled Florida Friend’ Asked: Friends come and go and we all know that, but, how do I know when it’s time for me to let a friend go? What are my signs that this may be a toxic friendship that I need to let go of? Should I just let us “grow apart” or have a conversation with her? Dr. Zoe Answered: At the same time, you asked me how to know if you need to let her go, you also asked me what is the best method to end the friendship, which tells me that you probably answered your own first question. A change needs to happen in your relationship and deep down, you know this. The hard part is determining […]

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Ask Dr. Zoe – My Tween Boy is Distant, What Do I Do?

By Dr. Zoe / Ask Dr. Zoe

‘Mom of Three Boys’ Asked: As a mom with three boys (12-year-old twins, 9-year-old), how do I deal with the tween separation that boys do without taking it personally? And allow them their space after being super close with them. They used to be so chatty and fun and now they are withdrawn, ‘hanging out with friends’ – which I know is normal but I take it personally… Also looking for some advice on how to get them to do their chores without asking 100 times! Thanks for any help! Xoxo Dr. Zoe Answered: From one boy mom to another, I get you! It is so hard when your son starts distancing from you—especially a child that was previously very close. Our

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Ask Dr. Zoe – He Asked Me to Marry Him Now He Won’t Set a Date

By Dr. Zoe / Ask Dr. Zoe

‘Dawn’ Asked: After my boyfriend and I had been together a year, one night while we were spending alone time together he looked at me and asked: “Will you marry me”? There was no ring, just the question. I asked “Are you really proposing?” and he said “Just answer the question…”, but I said, “I’m not answering it unless this is a real proposal”. He continued to ask and insisted that this is a real proposal. I ended up saying yes. I was elated and wanted to tell my best friend but he asked me not to say anything until he could afford a ring. I was a little crushed. So, the next day I asked since you don’t want me saying

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Ask Dr. Zoe – Help! I Can’t Do It All!

By Dr. Zoe / Ask Dr. Zoe

‘Exhausted Juggler’ Asked: I have frequent days that I feel as if I’m center stage juggling family, work, home life, the needs of every human in my life all dependent upon my next move with the entire audience waiting for me to drop the ball. I want to prove them wrong, that I can handle every demand placed upon me with a smile on my face never breaking a sweat. But I’m tired. Of the demands, expectations, and fear that I may not be able to do everything everyone expects. I need time for me. But am I being selfish? Is it wrong to think of myself, what’s stopping me? Will everyone survive if I step off the stage even for just

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Ask Dr. Zoe – Help! My Mom Undermines Me as a Parent

By Dr. Zoe / Ask Dr. Zoe

‘Nicole’ Asked: I have a 10-year-old daughter and my mother lives next door. My mom has stated that she feels her current purpose in life is to help me with my family. When I make a decision for my child or family, it is sometimes overrun by mom. For instance, if I tell my child to come home for dinner the child will ask Grandma if she can eat at her house – and of course, Grandma says yes even though she knows I have dinner prepared for my family. I feel caught because I know my mom views taking care of us highly, but I also keep getting undermined by her and my daughter. Suggestions? Dr. Zoe Answered: Yeah, it’s time

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Ask Dr. Zoe – How to Address My Loved One’s Failing Health

By Dr. Zoe / Ask Dr. Zoe

‘Caregiver’ Asked: I have an older relative who is becoming more and more forgetful. She’ll misplace items, forget what she was doing, forget conversations. Added to this there may be a hearing decline because the TV is getting louder and “What?” is a common question. How should I handle the situation as far as suggesting a hearing check or medical checkup? Dr. Zoe Answered: Pointing out that something may be wrong with someone can be a sticky proposition. The reality is that if you live long enough, you will eventually develop some form of senility, which is just the normal process of aging. But dementia and Alzheimer’s are very different things. You didn’t mention if your older relative is in her seventies,

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Ask Dr. Zoe – How Do I Handle My Friend’s Anxiety?

By Dr. Zoe / Ask Dr. Zoe

‘Tired Friend’ Asked: How do you deal with a friend with a mental illness? I have a friend with anxiety who really grinds my gears. At this point, I just want to walk away from the friendship. It just takes too much work. Too much biting of my tongue and I’m just not willing to commit to that. Not at this point in my life. Any help would be appreciated. Dr. Zoe Answered: Your feelings about your friend probably say less about her anxiety and more about the health of your relationship. If the relationship were strong, you would probably be asking a different question. The biggest issue is that your relationship isn’t reciprocal. When the emotional burden is tipped more in

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Ask Dr. Zoe – I Take the Blame in My Relationship

By Dr. Zoe / Ask Dr. Zoe

‘Confused’ Asked: I’ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend for a long time now, and every time we fight I never get angry with him. I only blame myself and put all of our issues on me. I never get angry or upset with him, just with myself. I just want some help and insight into these kinds of insecurities. Dr. Zoe Answered: I’m so glad you recognize that you have some insecurity issues. Although this may be the first time you are noticing, I am positive it’s not a new issue in your life. Even if he is unfairly blaming you, there is a reason why you are collaborating in this with him. Where did you develop this pattern of

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Ask Dr. Zoe – My Child’s Screen Addiction, How Do I Limit It?

By Dr. Zoe / Ask Dr. Zoe

‘Sammi’ Asked: How do I help my child wean themselves away from screens? It’s only a few hours a day but she feels entitled to it and gets hostile once I ask for it back or tell her to turn it off. Dr. Zoe Answered: The problem isn’t the screen time (although the device struggle is real), it’s really that she’s responding to you in a hostile way. It’s okay for her to be disappointed, frustrated, even irritable. Those are feelings and all feelings are okay. But hostile? That sounds like a behavior issue. Her hostility tells me that she doesn’t respect you or believe you. We teach our children how to treat us through our action or lack of it. Without

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Ask Dr. Zoe – Help! My Mother Makes Infertility Even Harder

By Dr. Zoe / Ask Dr. Zoe, Relationships

‘In Waiting’ Asked: As my husband and I dive deep into our 6th year of infertility we continue to struggle with an insensitive, narcissistic mother/mother-in-law. Going forward how do we not only manage our heartbreak, but our broken relationship with her as well? Dr. Zoe Answered: These are two very big issues! Your narcissistic mother-in-law is a continual part of your relationship and family life. Your infertility is a journey. You mentioned that your relationship with your mother-in-law is broken. I’m not surprised. It’s very hard to have an intact, healthy relationship with someone who is truly narcissistic. So for the purpose of the question, I will address your relationship with your mother-in-law in the context of your infertility. It’s often disappointing

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Ask Dr. Zoe – My Boyfriend Has Hurt Me, Should I Forgive Him?

By Dr. Zoe / Ask Dr. Zoe

‘Meg’ Asked: There has been a mixture of all kinds of hurt in a long term dating relationship and trying to extend grace and to have true forgiveness after the hurt. What are some good ways to do that in a healthy way without being walked all over? Dr. Zoe Answered: You may not like this answer, and some may not agree, but dating shouldn’t be this hard. You are in a long-term relationship, which I assume is at least a couple of years. He has hurt you many times. You indicate that you feel that he may take advantage of your extension of grace and forgiveness towards him. What I’m wondering is why you haven’t ended it? It sounds to me

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Ask Dr. Zoe – How Do I Learn From My Role in a Breakup?

By Dr. Zoe / Ask Dr. Zoe

‘Just Thinking’ Asked: How do you analyze past relationships in which you’ve been hurt a lot, but analyze them to see if you actually had a part or caused some of the issues? It’s hard to get past your personal bias, how can you do that? Dr. Zoe Answered: Most people never do this! We all assume that we were right and our partner was wrong. Although that feels good, there’s no growth in that. So kudos to you for looking at this. First, you must always assume that you had a part in it. Blaming the other person stunts your growth. I don’t care how small your part was, it was there. Relationships don’t happen in a vacuum. Sometimes your part

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Ask Dr. Zoe – Help! My Anxiety Makes Me Angry

By Dr. Zoe / Ask Dr. Zoe

‘Blessed at the Beach’ Asked: I have been in counseling for postpartum depression and anxiety for about 9 months. I see myself making improvements in many areas, but I still struggle with anger when I am feeling especially anxious. I know that addressing the anxiety is the ultimate solution, but do you have any tips on at least preventing anger as a reaction? I hate it when I snap at my husband (who is wonderful) or my sweet kids. Dr. Zoe Answered: A big hand clap for getting treatment. And I’m glad to hear that you are improving! My very first word of advice is to listen to This Grit and Grace Life podcast I recently recorded with Darlene and Julie. We

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Ask Dr. Zoe – Should I Quit If I Don’t Like My Coworker?

By Dr. Zoe / Ask Dr. Zoe

‘Puzzled’ Asked: I’ve become increasingly unhappy in my workplace (but not my position) due to a seriously unkind and hostile coworker. I’ve been pondering whether I should make a change but don’t have another job secured as yet. Is it faith or foolishness to leave a job when one doesn’t have another one to go to immediately? Not sure if the enemy is trying to drive me out or if the Lord wants me to leave or if this is all just my own doing. Dr. Zoe Answered: Unless you don’t need the finances your job provides, it’s foolish to leave when you don’t have another one secured. The sense of relief you feel will quickly be overshadowed by the stress of

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Ask Dr. Zoe – How Do I Recover From My Spouse’s Affair?

By Dr. Zoe / Ask Dr. Zoe

‘Betrayed’ Asked: I found out last year my husband of 25 years had been having an affair. He was a pastor when we first got married and we were teaching a Sunday-school class at the time he was having the affair. I’m just trying to figure out how to deal with the betrayal of someone who supposedly claimed to be such a wonderful Christian person? Dr. Zoe Answered: Dealing with betrayal is devastating no matter what the circumstances. The gut-wrenching blows to marriage and your psyche created by infidelity can only be understood by someone who has been through it. To be honest, when we are struggling to understand something, we hang our hats on the lowest hook, whether it is the

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Ask Dr. Zoe – How to Avoid Gossip Among Friends

By Dr. Zoe / Ask Dr. Zoe

‘Minny Mama’ Asked: I have two friends in my mom group that are bickering/gossiping about each other to another friend in our group. I don’t like to get involved in gossip or other women’s drama. However, I feel that these women will each say I am not being a loyal friend. What do I do? I thought that high school had ended. Thanks! Dr. Zoe Answered: And sometimes high school continues…We have all gossiped at some time in our lives. I know I have! Some people make whole careers of it. But I’m just going to say it: Gossiping is a sign of immaturity and it should be a habit that a woman of grit and grace matures out of. Time alone does

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Ask Dr. Zoe – Starting Over After a Failed Relationship

By Dr. Zoe / Ask Dr. Zoe

‘Starting Over’ Asked: After several years I realized I had surrendered myself to a man who was not committed to me. We never married, we have a child together whom I love dearly, but I finally came to understand that I was carrying the entire weight of keeping the family together. I have been the consistent income earner, paid the bills at the home he owned, and created a family atmosphere. I have finally expressed my disappointment only to be dismissed. I started separating myself and our child from him physically and financially. But it is so hard to separate emotionally. I have given so much for so long that I feel shortchanged, especially since I am the one that has to

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