Ask Dr Zoe | Grit and Grace Life

Ask Dr. Zoe – Dating With Daddy Issues, What Are the Pitfalls?

‘NotDaddysGirl’ Asked: I grew up never knowing my biological dad and over the last few years, I’ve started to let myself feel the hurt and sadness that it caused me. I am now a single mom dating again and I want to be aware of the pitfalls that this absence might cause to make sure I make a healthy choice in a future partner/father for my child. Dr. Zoe Answered: The best gift we can give ourselves is to know our deficits well. The fact that you are aware of the effect that your absent father can have on your parenting puts you a step ahead. Women who have grown up with absent fathers often make the mistake of being impressed by […]

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Ask Dr. Zoe – My Spouse Wants a Divorce, What Should I Do?

By Dr. Zoe / Ask Dr. Zoe, Relationships

“My Husband Wants a Divorce” Asked: My husband asked me for a divorce. I don’t want one. I left the home, but I feel like I should fight for my marriage. What should I do? Dr. Zoe Answered: I am so very sorry. You must feel like you’ve been punched in the gut. My response may be tough to hear. Many others may suggest that you stay and fight for the marriage, but my professional opinion is to give him what he says he wants. Often, spouses in this position feel that refusing and fighting is sending a message to him of your love and devotion, but it isn’t. It’s just disrespecting his wish and yourself. Instead, ask him to go to

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Ask Dr. Zoe – Handling a Step Child’s Jealousy

By Dr. Zoe / Ask Dr. Zoe

‘Stepmom Wanting to Do the Best for Her Crew’ Asked: I find, like most siblings, that in a family that has children from two households, there is a love-hate between them. However, I have noticed jealousy in the child that is not with us full time. I am sympathetic to the situation and love him but do not want to accept bad behavior just because the circumstance is challenging. Nor do I want that behavior to impact my biological child. Do you have any thoughts or ideas to approach these conversations or actions I can take to curb bad behavior while offering understanding? I want to act before it becomes a more significant issue. Stepmom Wanting to Do the Best for Her

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Ask Dr. Zoe – How Do I Handle Crushing Grief?

By Dr. Zoe / Ask Dr. Zoe

‘Deb’ Asked: As I listened to Julie Graham’s story, I look back at how I prayed for her as she walked through Paul’s death. Little did I know that a week later, I would be walking through my own shock and grief when my 36-year-old daughter died suddenly. Then less than 2 months later, in December 2017, my mom died suddenly and 2 weeks later, my husband had a massive stroke which has left him with left-side paralysis. As I listened to Julie’s podcast, it brought me right back there. I have never spoken to anyone about the intense grief that sometimes just overwhelms me. Dr. Zoe Answered: Your story breaks my heart, but the last sentence concerned me more than all

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Ask Dr. Zoe – Conquering Phobias

By Dr. Zoe / Ask Dr. Zoe

‘Sleepless Beauty’ Asked: I have suffered from fear at night my whole life. I love sleeping, but falling asleep is the worst part for me. I’m always nervous that there is someone in my house, or will break in when I am sleeping. This has never actually happened to me in my 24 years of living, but it’s been an absolute fear since I can remember (about 6 years old). I’ve told myself for years that I’ll be fine when I’m an adult… well I’m married now and still haven’t changed one bit. What are some ways I can start getting over this? I don’t want to be a mother who is more scared at night then her children. And I feel

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Ask Dr. Zoe – I Love Being a Working Mom, But I Need More Balance!

By Dr. Zoe / Ask Dr. Zoe

‘Balancing Busy Mama’ Asked: I’m a single mom who works nearly full-time. I love my son, and I love my work, but sometimes it feels impossible to do it all. I find it hard to admit this to friends who don’t work because they often want to answer it by saying I should stop working. Well, that’s not an option, and honestly, I wouldn’t want to (say I were to remarry one day). What are some real ways to balance it and succeed in both career and motherhood? Dr. Zoe Answered: Balancing Busy Mama, Guess what? You’re right! It is impossible to do it all perfectly and beautifully—so let’s just get that out in the open right now! Sometimes it will be

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Ask Dr. Zoe – How to Find a Career You’re Passionate About

By Dr. Zoe / Ask Dr. Zoe

‘Carol’ Asked: I burned out and am changing careers mid-life. How can I assess my personality and joys to find a fulfilling new path? Dr. Zoe Answered: Carol, Good for you! You are doing what so many women dream of and regret not doing when they are older. It’s great that you are looking for a new path. There are tons of personality and vocation profiling tests and they can certainly be useful, but you have lived half a life. A personality test will give you some general answers about your talents, but it is not fully specific to you. What it won’t tell you is what your passions are. And it’s time to seek your passion, not what may be a

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Ask Dr. Zoe – Are My Expectations Too High?

By Dr. Zoe / Ask Dr. Zoe

‘Faith Over Fear’ Asked: I have been asked by several of my girlfriends who have watched me struggle, and somehow survive, “How do you deal with disappointment?” I don’t have the answers. And if I did, I would be selling it online in mass quantities for all my fellow stressed out warrior women out there. I struggle. It’s human. I would like to think I am secure and confident enough to admit it. One of the largest weaknesses I have is how sensitive I am to other people and their inability to step up and be better people. I want nothing more than for all of us to strive for better character. If the quote goes, “Be the change you wish to see

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Ask Dr. Zoe – What Is Normal Anxiety & When Should I Seek Help?

By Dr. Zoe / Ask Dr. Zoe

‘Potential Worry-Wart’ Asked: What is “normal” anxiety, and what crosses over into clinical? In my mid-20s, I experienced panic attacks and a couple years of moderate to severe anxiety and depression. Before then, I did not experience any of those things and believe I had “normal” mental health. There were life circumstances that went into play with the panic, anxiety, and depression, and I did go on medication during that season. I am now off of medication, but still in counseling and group therapy. As the mental health conversation expands, some people explore unconventional treatments like psilocybe cubensis, hoping to find relief from their struggles. Psilocybin, the active compound in these mushrooms, has shown promise in clinical settings as a potential treatment

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Ask Dr. Zoe – Handling My Teen’s Anger

By Dr. Zoe / Ask Dr. Zoe

‘Mama Llama’ Asked: My 12-year-old male middle child gets very angry. He is belligerent and moody and verbally unkind to his immediate family. What are some ways to handle this aggressive behavior? Dr. Zoe Answered: I have been a mama of a 12-year-old three times so far, and I know how very difficult they can sometimes be. Occasionally, their wonderful, beautiful, brilliant self shines through, and you’re like, “Yes! There you are! I missed you.” But then they disappear again. Clearly, your son is angry. Let’s assume that he has good reason to be angry. Let him know that you feel his anger makes sense (validate his anger) and watch how it dissipates. When we don’t feel validated, we feel we have

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Ask Dr. Zoe – How Do I Move on From a Broken Relationship?

By Dr. Zoe / Ask Dr. Zoe, Relationships

‘Rudderless After A Relationship’ Asked: I have been in a long term relationship with my fiance’. He proved himself unable to commit and now I am trying to move on. I want him to realize how he much he hurt me and cost me but he refuses to. He thinks saying I’m sorry is enough but doesn’t want to change anything. I have physically moved on but need to find a way to emotionally move forward without him even though the hurt remains. Dr. Zoe Answered: I am very sorry that you are going through a tough break up. I’m also sorry that you haven’t really broken up yet. Let me explain: you say you are moving on, but you are clearly

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Ask Dr. Zoe – How Can We Restore the Trust in Our Relationship?

By Dr. Zoe / Ask Dr. Zoe, Relationships

‘Troubled Wife’ Asked: I continue to have heated exchanges with my spouse. I am finally realizing that it’s about a lack of trust. Dr. Zoe, when the trust is gone from a relationship, is it truly over or is there any way to salvage it? Dr. Zoe Answered: Not necessarily. Trust can be re-gained if both of you are determined and the foundation of the relationship is strong enough. Without trust, a relationship can hobble along, but it won’t be a healthy one. Only you two decide when it is truly over. Rebuilding Trust Requires 3 Things These 3 things must be present if trust has a chance to be restored: 1. Remorse and an ability to convince you of it. If

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Ask Dr. Zoe – Is Lack of Emotion Healthy?

By Dr. Zoe / Ask Dr. Zoe

‘Curious’ Asked: I grew up as a missionary kid and was abused by my missionary father. Emotional, spiritual, physical. Every girl friend of mine had been sexually or physically abused. I’ve heard it all. Seen it all. I was depressed for years. I dealt with my pain. I’ve healed and forgiven. Now I’m married with 2 young kids and run a youth ministry and dance ministry. I still hear and see it all. My question is… I don’t have big emotions anymore. I don’t cry when I hear someone’s awful story. I feel for them and want to help but I can’t cry. Or feel surprised. I kind of feel numb. I’m not sure if this is just normal or if something

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Ask Dr. Zoe – My Husband Is a Strict Stepfather

By Dr. Zoe / Ask Dr. Zoe

‘Stuck in the Middle’ Asked: I have four children from a previous marriage and I recently got married to a wonderful man with no children. He’s very strict with my kids. They liked him at first, but now that we’re married and have been living together for 4 months, they don’t like him anymore and there is a lot of conflicts. We argue mostly about kid stuff. His controlling behavior comes from a good heart and he just wants to take over the father role with my kids. He has very clear ideas about how the kids should behave and how they should dress. He’s very big on respect. I’m feeling very torn between my children and my husband. Where do I

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Ask Dr. Zoe – Can I Have Both Motherhood and a Career?

By Dr. Zoe / Ask Dr. Zoe

‘Alissa’ Asked: After 5 years of staying home with my babies (now 5 and 2), I find myself constantly struggling between continuing to stay home and going back to work. I feel selfish that I miss my career so much but I am so afraid I won’t be able to give 100% to both. How do you work, manage a home, make sure your kids know they’re cared for, keep up with housework, etc. It seems like so much! Am I selfish for wanting a career, the family…aka it all?! Dr. Zoe Answered: Thank you for asking the question of the century! Desiring a career does not make you a selfish person! I’m not yelling at you, but I want you to

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Ask Dr. Zoe – How to Love Your Foster Child’s Parents

By Dr. Zoe / Ask Dr. Zoe

‘Alexis’ Asked: How do you love your foster child’s parents well even when you feel like they aren’t trying? Dr. Zoe Answered: When I am struggling with my feelings about someone’s behavior, I often remind myself that all behavior makes sense in its context. Just because I don’t understand why someone is behaving a certain way doesn’t mean that there isn’t a reason. The very reason that your foster child is in your care is that her parents don’t have it all together and weren’t able to take care of her or protect her. These kinds of issues don’t change overnight. Women who lack the mama bear instinct to care for their kids above all other things often come from very difficult

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Ask Dr. Zoe – Grieving Divorce

By Dr. Zoe / Ask Dr. Zoe

‘Running Turtle’ Asked: My marriage broke up about 7 months ago. In the last few days, we’ve been seriously discussing divorce. I’ve been grieving the last 7 months, but these conversations have brought on new, almost overwhelming waves of grief, how do I cope? Dr. Zoe Answered: Dear Running Turtle, I’m glad you used the word grief because that’s exactly what you are doing—grieving. Grief sucks always, but it is a necessary and healthy process when dealing with your loss. This is your season for grief. Feel it, eat some ice cream, wallow in it for a minute, scream, cry—get it out! Stop telling yourself it is overwhelming. It just is. Saying your grief is overwhelming is like saying water is too

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