In May of 2022, I lost my brother and only sibling due to a motorcycle accident. The shock was consuming at first, followed by the surrealness of a world in which I could not call or text him. This was only replaced by the daily emptiness I feared would never be filled, as my brother and I thought of ourselves as two halves of a whole. Watching my parents grieve their son added another layer to this heartbreak to a loss that could never be replaced.
Because I run an international association of women and am somewhat a public personality in the world of business, many people asked candid questions about my faith, something that has defined me in my online journey. Most asked in sincere seeking, trying to find an anchor in their own grief or hard times. Others asked with a bit of a “sneer,” as if my profound loss somehow disproved— or discredited—my God. Nothing could be further from the truth.
Climbing the Ladder of Faith
I have heard some people refer to a “ladder of faith”—rungs, for lack of a better term, that you must climb to get out of the muck and mire of grief or loss or devastation. Because I know so many are struggling with unimaginable losses of their own, I want to share the rungs on my own grief ladder, questions I had to wrestle with and settle as I navigated the first year of loss.
Is God Sovereign?
Fortunately, this was a relatively easy one for me. My worldview has been biblical for as long as I can remember. So, yes, I know that God is in control, that He set the planets in motion and that He tells the ocean that it can go “this far” and not further.
So, could God have stopped the deer from leaping in front of my brother at that exact moment? Yes. Could God have allowed the accident and still had my brother literally walk away unscathed? Yes.
But He did not.
Is He still sovereign? Yes. Do I understand what He allows? No. Next rung:
Is God Good?
Again, I didn’t spend too much time here… but not because of the way I was raised or my spiritual inheritance, so to speak. I know God is good. I have experienced His goodness, and so had my brother.
When my brother was shot at 16 years old, the bullet lodged 1 millimeter from his carotid artery. Do you know how small 1 millimeter is? He was 1 millimeter from certain death and God physically intervened: “You can go here, but no further.”
When my brother was in a car accident the following year, the doctors told us that if it had been one degree colder that night, my brother would have frozen to death, but had it been one degree warmer, he would have bled to death.
I’ve never doubted for one moment that God sent his angels to surround my brother that night and maintain the perfect temperature to save his life.
There were other situations, in which my brother stared down circumstances other than death, huge circumstances from which was completely spared. My brother wrestled with addiction and suffered a traumatic brain injury before the motorcycle accident, and I had seen God intervene on his behalf many, many times.
In my own life, when the doctors said that I lost my baby and I was going in to have it removed so I could “try again,” I remember saying, “Check for a heartbeat again.” That heartbeat now has a daughter of her own.
Is God good? I know He’s good. I know it because He said it, but I also know it because I’ve experienced it.
Another rung…
What Is Death?
Genesis says that death is a curse and that it wasn’t part of God’s original design. So, I wrestled a bit after losing someone so close to me. Where does this fit the “God is good” narrative?
In my searching, I found additional biblical perspective about death:
The moment when my brother’s spirit left his physical body, he was with the Lord (2 Corinthians 5:8). In that instant, Scotty was released from the burdens of this world. He was free and more himself than ever before. The very moment that our agony began, my brother’s struggle was miraculously and instantaneously exchanged for something I can scarcely imagine. Peace. Joy. Comfort. Confidence. Beauty.
What if death was meant as a gift for God’s people?
This doesn’t sound like a curse. The following is my new worldview about death, something that I believe God has shown me through this. I accept that I may be wrong, but I’ll share anyway:
Death was brought into the equation with the fall of man. We know that much to be true. So, what if God knew what the world would become and what His people would endure while alive. At that point, no longer would eternal life on this earth be such a great thing, so death was brought in as an escape hatch, as a gift, as a portal to what God originally intended for those who sought Him?
What if death was meant as a gift for God’s people?
It’s a point worth considering, I think, as we learn to navigate deaths that bring us to our knees. What I know for sure is that the very moment that my unspeakable pain began, my brother’s pain ended forever. I would never take from him what he gained in that moment of being welcomed into heaven.
Another rung…
Can I Trust God In My Lowest Months?
I had never been as low, devastated, disappointed, shocked, or in pain as I waist that first year of grief. I experienced a low that I had never even considered a possibility.
But God was so close.
Psalm 34:18 — “The Lord is close to the broken hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”
Psalm 147:2 — “The Lord heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.”
Proverbs 18:24 — “There is one that sticks closer than a brother.”
Isaiah 43:2 — “When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.”
Psalm 46:1 — “God is my refuge and my strength, a present help in times of trouble.”
I can say that God Himself met me in my lowest months, sat with me, held me, comforted me and bound up my wounds repeatedly. If I couldn’t give testimony about any of God’s other promises, I can stand firm on this one: “God IS close to the brokenhearted and saves those crushed in spirit.”
Yes, I can trust him when my world is rocked. Another rung…
Can I Trust God With My Future?
What I’m really asking at this rung is, What guarantees will God give me? Can I be assured that I will never walk out what my parents are walking out? Am I promised that my future will not have more of this level of pain?
And the truth is no. I have no guarantees that I will be spared certain pain or grief or situation.
The answer is also, “Yes. I can trust God with my future, no matter what happens.” I do not say this lightly. For three years now, I have watched my parents live out the unthinkable. I’ve been challenged as I watched others close to me live out unchanging circumstances that are worse than death. And I have three kids of my own, a husband, a nephew, a niece, grand babies and sons-in-law. So this is a weighty question.
But no matter what, I know my God will be with me.
He will stand in the flames, pick me off the floor, mend my broken heart, repeatedly when necessary. He will not abandon me. He will not fail me. He will not waste my tears. He will not gorget to turn my mourning into dancing. He will not be mocked in His promises for His people.
Also, he will not treat me as “one of many.” He sees me and my heart. I have asked him for many things in this past year that He has granted. I have seen Him work in ways that are so meaningful to me, but may not have any bearing on another person. He knows me intimately… and He ministers to me in ways that are unique to me.
I can say that I am closer to God after loss brought me to my knees, and I hope my experience with the ladder of grief can help others going through something similar.
Having started her business 26 years ago to work from home and raise her young family, B. Michelle Pippin (wife to a public school teacher, mother to three and now "Namma" to her incredible grands) is published primarily in the business space. Her unapologetic faith has long been the cornerstone of her success and she looks for every opportunity to encourage women in their walk with Christ. As founder of Women Who WOW — a fast-growing business development community with members across all 50 states and 8 countries — she’s ruthlessly committed to helping entrepreneurs create wild success on their own terms. Her no-fluff, bottom-line-first approach has earned her features on Good Morning America, Entrepreneur, MoneyInc, and more. Michelle built her business without ads or gimmicks — just relentless hustle and smart strategy.
