Ask Dr Zoe | Grit and Grace Life

Ask Dr. Zoe – I’m Separated From My Husband, Should I Move Closer to Him for Our Son?

‘Michelle79’ Asked: My husband and I are separated. He had severe addiction issues and went to rehab multiple times. It finally “stuck” in California. He lives there now. I live in NJ with our 6 year old son. My son was super close to him and misses him terribly. I have no desire to move to California, but am I doing my son a disservice by not going? There is no guarantee his dad and I would work it out anyway even if I lived there. Am I being selfish for staying in NJ with my son? Dr. Zoe Answered: It’s interesting to me that you didn’t ask if he was being selfish for not moving back to New Jersey where his […]

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Ask Dr. Zoe – How Do I Develop Healthy Self Worth After Reconnecting With My Estranged Father?

By Dr. Zoe / Ask Dr. Zoe

‘Praying Paralegal’ Asked: I recently reconnected with my estranged father after 16 years by accepting his friend request on Facebook and traveling across the world to see him and. I still feel conflicted when I see his posts and question why I feel the need for his approval even after all these years. How can I separate the knowing of my worth regardless of what he thinks of me? From, A Recovering People Pleaser Dr. Zoe Answered: What a huge step you took in reconnecting with him. I hope you acknowledge the enormity of your choice and the potential closure you provided to yourself in that action—regardless of the outcome. Parents hold space in our psyche and emotional life. It’s completely normal

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Ask Dr. Zoe – How Do I Help My Spouse Recognize an Addiction?

By Dr. Zoe / Ask Dr. Zoe

‘Trying to help’ Asked: How do you help a spouse identify an issue with their addiction? Meaning, how do you help them see there is a problem that needs addressed because it affects you, your spouse, and your child? I’m normally very direct and that is not well received- to the extent that it is unilaterally dismissed. Dr. Zoe Answered: Stop trying to convince him. Instead, make statements of fact, and put up boundaries around the unhealthy behavior that is occurring because of the addiction. For example: Instead of saying: “I think you have a problem.” Say: “I will not engage with you when you are using because (this is how it affects us).” Or, “If you choose not to get help

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Ask Dr. Zoe – Do I Stay With My Man When I’m Pregnant and Still Waiting for a Proposal?

By Dr. Zoe / Ask Dr. Zoe

‘Pregnant in Purgatory’ Asked: My boyfriend had been subtly talking about proposing for several weeks, he hinted that he had a ring and would talk about when he felt it was the “right” time, which seemed to align with our anniversary. But you can guess what happened…anniversary, Valentine’s Day, and a trip to the coast all came and went and no proposal. Then something unexpected happened, I got pregnant. So while I thought we were onto something good, now I am pregnant, living together and there’s no ring. I feel so foolish and sad. I’ve become deeply depressed, and we have argued about it several times when I have tried to share with him how hurtful this has been. Now he says

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Ask Dr. Zoe – How Do I Heal From Past Trauma That Left Me Detached and Unemotional?

By Dr. Zoe / Ask Dr. Zoe

‘Talenkynic Dromdfrevc’ Asked: Hi there, I don’t think I react to crises the same way as others; I become detached and unemotional. I think I may have suffered multiple traumas before I was able to process. I now pastorally care for many people and think I need to work through it but don’t know how to start. Any suggestions? Dr. Zoe Answered: You think you may have suffered multiple traumas… People who haven’t been traumatized don’t often wonder if they have—especially “multiple times.” This tells me that you need to figure out what happened to you—or acknowledge what you already know. Yes, your reaction may be a trauma response. It may not be, but it isn’t the healthiest response, and you already

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Ask Dr. Zoe – How Do I Start Dating After Divorce?

By Dr. Zoe / Ask Dr. Zoe, Relationships

‘Ready to Date Again’ Asked: After a 20 year marriage failed, almost 10 years of counseling and working on myself, I’m ready to date again. But how do I trust again? How do I get out there to find the “right” guy? I thought it would happen naturally, but it hasn’t. It’s normal to feel uncertain and hesitant, as it’s not just about finding someone new but also about rebuilding that sense of emotional safety and trust that was once lost. However, recognizing that it’s okay to take time for yourself and explore relationships at your own pace is an important part of healing. As you move forward and embrace new chapters in your life, it’s essential to make sure that any

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Ask Dr. Zoe – How Do I Find the Right Therapist for My Needs?

By Dr. Zoe / Ask Dr. Zoe

‘Liz’ Asked: How do you find the right therapist? I know I need one, and I also know the value of a good therapist. I’ve tried faith-based counseling in my area- found it to be very surface level and frankly kind of sexist. I’ve tried finding one through my healthcare network and even through an app. It’s just hard to find the right fit. I want someone who shares my faith, but also someone who has experience with serious mental health issues, which are a part of my story. Dr. Zoe Answered: Hi Liz, this is such a great question. Finding a good therapist is much like dating. Sometimes frustrating, but when you’ve found “the one,” you’ve found gold. I suggest that

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Ask Dr. Zoe – How Do I Choose the Right Man in My Love Triangle?

By Dr. Zoe / Ask Dr. Zoe, Relationships

‘Texas Tangled’ Asked: This might end up sounding like a terrible romance movie…I am a 30 year old divorcee (I was married young in a military marriage that ended when I was 24). I was in a long-term relationship with *Travis for two years, in which we had great chemistry, lots of fun, good teamwork, and just solid, simple country life. But as our relationship progressed, he had issues with commitment and couldn’t get to the next step or even talk about it. We would go through these cycles of everything being fine, then a build to a huge fight and then fine again. Finally, it began to really wear the closer to 2 years we got, and he broke up with

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Ask Dr. Zoe – Should I Finish My Degree or Change My Career Path?

By Dr. Zoe / Ask Dr. Zoe

‘Still Not Graduated’ Asked: I have been very blessed that my parents have been able to financially support me as I seek higher education. The problem is I don’t know what I want from this education. I recently realized that I am extremely unhappy pursuing my current degree, but I do not want to change course and begin working on a different degree. However, since I never did any internships in school, I have no experience and cannot find employment. I feel that my parents have invested so much money in me, and I have nothing to show them in return. Should I finish my degree and try to gain experience? I am at a loss for what to do now. Dr.

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Ask Dr. Zoe – How Do I Stop Being a People Pleaser?

By Dr. Zoe / Ask Dr. Zoe

‘Paranoid and anxious’ Asked: Dr. Zoe, HELP ME! I know that this question, not even a question really, may seem bizarre and a no-brainier, but to me, it’s my life and I hate it! I’m such a people pleaser, always wanting to help someone out even if it means spreading myself far too thin. I’m always worried if someone doesn’t text me back, want to hang out, like my post on Facebook or return my phone calls that they are mad at me, secretly hate me, or they are laughing behind my back. I’m constantly paranoid about my friendships and even sometimes with my marriage. My anxiety will be so bad that I take it out on my husband and children. At

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Ask Dr. Zoe – My Husband Is Having an Affair. What Do I Do Now?

By Dr. Zoe / Ask Dr. Zoe

‘Judith Ann’ Asked: Dear Dr. Zoe, I am heartbroken because I recently learned my husband of 22 years has been engaged in an emotional affair (with some physical closeness but claiming not sex) with a woman client (he’s a contractor) I introduced him to. The woman’s marriage was bad when they began their business relationship, but it soon turned towards more personal interactions…attention, compliments, shared interests, shared marital problems, and unhappiness, and it has spiraled into more romantic connections, nights out meeting one another in secret, etc. I am exhausted and overwhelmed with emotions. I am 65 and retired and that income is not enough to support myself on my own, and my husband’s income isn’t as good as it used to

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Ask Dr. Zoe – Does My Boyfriend’s Grief Mean My Life’s on Hold?

By Dr. Zoe / Ask Dr. Zoe

‘Jen. B’ Asked: Hi Dr. Zoe, I hope this email finds you well! Last year […] my boyfriend’s younger sister (who is a twin) died suddenly. It has been just a little over a year now, and that was one of the hardest years on our relationship. Not only did she pass late Christmas night (which has made it incredibly hard for his family), my younger sister was also her best friend and with both of the twins when she died. My sister and his other younger sister no longer speak. Just wanted to give you a bit of the background, and all the stress factors that have gone into this past year. My boyfriend and I have been together for 3

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Ask Dr. Zoe – When Do I Introduce My New Man to My Kids?

By Dr. Zoe / Ask Dr. Zoe

‘Dating Diva’ Asked: I’m a single mom with a young son. What’s the best way to introduce my child to someone I’m dating? When do I do it? And how? What are some things to avoid him getting hurt? Dating Diva Dr. Zoe Answered: With so much conflicting information out there, it’s easy to feel confused, fearful and guilty when it comes to dating life and your kids. So here’s what I know. You’re probably taking this introduction part way too seriously. Yes, I know this is serious stuff—relationships, parenting—all wrapped in one. But this is a long haul type of thing. The introduction part is just the tip of the iceberg. So take a deep breath. There are certainly ways to

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Ask Dr. Zoe – 6 Steps to Transform Your Self-Talk (video)

By Our Grit and Grace Life Videos / Ask Dr. Zoe, Purpose

If you’ve ever criticized yourself about the things you’ve done, or the things that others have done to you, then you are rooting yourself in a destructive habit, my friend! Would you tell a dear friend that they are ugly or stupid? Of course not! Because you recognize their innate value. It’s time for you to recognize your own! We all make mistakes, and many times, people disappoint us. But directing the shame and hurt inward will curb our growth and misinform the way we see the world. In this video, psychotherapist Dr. Zoe Shaw review six steps for recognizing, monitoring and transforming the way we speak to ourselves. It’s a process that takes time and persistence, she says, but the results

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Ask Dr. Zoe – How Do I Deal with a Narcissist?

By Our Grit and Grace Life Videos / Ask Dr. Zoe, Relationships

Dealing with a narcissist isn’t always as simple as being around someone who thinks highly of themself. True narcissism is a mental health disorder that makes any relationship difficult and often toxic. If a family member or coworker is a narcissistic person, then maintaining healthy boundaries is extremely important for you both. Psychotherapist Dr. Zoe Shaw breaks down why narcissists often react the way they do, and how you can navigate the relationship without compromising your values.

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Ask Dr. Zoe – How Do I Co-parent with a Toxic Ex?

By Our Grit and Grace Life Videos / Ask Dr. Zoe, Relationships

This is a tough situation. You and the person you had once believed would be a part of your forever are no longer on good terms—they’re toxic, selfish and manipulative. And to make the situation more difficult, you share a child (or children) together. So how do you successfully co-parent with someone who you’re not sure you can trust? Dr. Zoe Shaw, a licensed psychotherapist and relationship coach, shares the truth behind your expectations and how you can still create a healthy, thriving environment to raise your children.

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Ask Dr. Zoe – Want Your Kids’ Dad to Be More Involved? Do This!

By Our Grit and Grace Life Videos / Ask Dr. Zoe, Relationships

As a momma, maybe you haven’t been too pleased watching your husband’s relationship with your kids. He doesn’t strive to be as intentionally involved with them as you’d like him to be, and you don’t want your kids growing up without fond memories or respect for him. Although it may seem out of your hands, it’s not! Dr. Zoe Shaw, a licensed psychotherapist and relationship coach, shares five ways you can encourage him to partake in activities and meaningful conversations with your children—and be a great father.

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