Ask Dr Zoe | Grit and Grace Life

Ask Dr. Zoe – How Do I Deal with a Very Toxic Relationship with My Father?

By Our Grit and Grace Life Videos / Ask Dr. Zoe, Relationships

Any toxic relationship will be emotionally and mentally trying, but the pressure is compounded when the person on the other end is a family member, or someone that you want to trust. A reader asked about finding clarity amid a toxic relationship with her father and the guilt she felt toward putting a distance between them. Dr. Zoe Shaw responds with a discussion on the boundary you must set for yourself and your relationship with those who hurt you, even when you want to keep them close.

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Ask Dr. Zoe – Are You Stuck In a Relationship Phase? (video)

By Our Grit and Grace Life Videos / Ask Dr. Zoe, Relationships

A relationship can get frustrating when you’re expecting a proposal or deciding on a wedding date, but your man doesn’t appear to be in any hurry to move to the next step. Although this often exposes the man’s fear of commitment, you may have also played a role by prematurely giving him the benefits of a fiance or wife. Dr. Zoe outlines each phase of a relationship so you can know what to expect—and how much you’re supposed to give—at every level.

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Ask Dr. Zoe – What Helps My Relationship With His Ex? Signed, Struggling Stepmom

By Our Grit and Grace Life Videos / Ask Dr. Zoe, Relationships

Being a stepmom is an extremely important, yet difficult, job. There are little ones to care for, but this often involves maintaining some sort of relationship with the children’s mother—and this can be trying in itself. Maybe there’s baby mama drama, or the children’s mother resents you for the new role you’re playing in her kids’ lives that she has no control over. Licensed psychotherapist and relationship coach Dr. Zoe Shaw explains how honesty and good communication are key factors in repairing your relationship with the mother of your stepchildren.

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Ask Dr. Zoe – Vague Promises of Commitment…What Do I Do?

By Our Grit and Grace Life Videos / Ask Dr. Zoe, Relationships

Have you been dating your boyfriend for years, with no sign of a ring in sight? Then you already stayed too long, according to psychotherapist Dr. Zoe Shaw. In this video, Dr. Zoe explains why your boyfriend gets upset at the prospect of an engagement, and how your actions might contribute to his resentful behavior.

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Ask Dr. Zoe – How Do I Reconnect with My Disconnected Husband?

By Our Grit and Grace Life Videos / Ask Dr. Zoe, Relationships

It’s worrisome when your husband seems to have checked out—without an interest in explaining what’s on his mind. As a wife, you immediately want to know how to help without pushing him further away. Psychotherapist and relationship coach Dr. Zoe Shaw explains that allowing him the distance to process on his own time is an important first step. Tune into the video to learn what else you can do during that time to remind your husband that he has your support, no matter what.

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Ask Dr. Zoe – How Do I Break Free from Codependency? (Video)

By Our Grit and Grace Life Videos / Ask Dr. Zoe, Relationships

A codependent person is just like it sounds: someone who needs others. The fear of abandonment drives them to control their relationships by taking care of the other person and attending to all their needs, but denying their own. It’s a harmful situation for both parties. Dr. Zoe Shaw explains how to break the cycle of codependency through communication and establishing boundaries—both necessary for building a healthy relationship.

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Ask Dr Zoe betrayed in a previous relationship

Ask Dr. Zoe – How Do I Learn to Trust Again When I Have Been Betrayed in a Previous Relationship?

By Our Grit and Grace Life Videos / Ask Dr. Zoe, Relationships

If you’ve been hurt in a previous relationship or by someone you trust, it becomes much harder to place confidence in those you encounter after the betrayal. However, licensed psychotherapist Dr. Zoe warns that the issue is not with others, but with you. Here she explains how you can challenge your tendency to believe that nobody is trustworthy, and focus instead on how others have demonstrated trust.

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Ask Dr. Zoe – How Do I Heal?

By Our Grit and Grace Life Videos / Ask Dr. Zoe, Relationships

Maybe you’ve been hurt by someone you loved, whether that was through betrayal, adultery or lies. Whether we see it or not, these hurtful situations don’t just rock our reality, but they can also leave major emotional wounds. So how are we supposed to come back from that? How can we learn to love ourselves again? Licensed psychotherapist Dr. Zoe Shaw offers her insight, and explains that healing is often a journey of rediscovery after everything you believed has been flipped upside down. It takes time, but healing is on the horizon.

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Ask Dr. Zoe – Is It My Fault He Hasn’t Proposed?

By Dr. Zoe / Ask Dr. Zoe

‘Ms Highly Favored’ Asked: My boyfriend of 5 years is an introvert. We live together. Going in this he knew I wanted to be married within 3 years. I have not met his children, he doesn’t take me around his family, and he gets upset when I want to talk about marriage or wedding date or proposal. He says it’s not a problem and he loves me, wants to marry me but I haven’t given him the chance to propose. Well, I feel like now at this point I don’t want to marry him because it feels like it would be fake. Dr. Zoe Answered: You’ve stayed two years too long. You have been together for five years and you have never

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Ask Dr. Zoe – How Can I Parent Positively When My Kids Drive Me Crazy?

By Dr. Zoe / Ask Dr. Zoe

‘Kim’ Asked: How can I parent with positivity? My kids drive me crazy. They refuse to help me or are mean to each other way too often. I find myself complaining to them and about them. Dr. Zoe Answered: You and every other mother who cares about her parenting have asked a question just like this. Not only is parenting the hardest job ever, it requires you to assume a different job description with each child. That’s enough to send you to the crazy bin just when you thought you had it all figured out. I can see why you are drawn to positive parenting, though. It sounds really nice. Like a calm, happy, agreeable family all smiling at each other in

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Ask Dr. Zoe – How Can You Change Your Self-Talk?

By Dr. Zoe / Ask Dr. Zoe

‘Krista’ Asked: How do you change self talk. How do you train the voice that is constantly speaking to you to SPEAK POSITIVE. Is there a way to retrain that voice? Dr. Zoe Answered: 100 times yes! This is my absolute favorite area to work on with clients. Your self-talk is not who you are. It is not a function of your personality and you were not born with it. Your self-talk develops over a period of time, often in your childhood. It’s essentially an agreement between what the world tells you about who you are and what you decide to take on as your own. Your self-talk feeds the lens through which you see yourself and the whole world, so you

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Ask Dr. Zoe – How To Interact With a Narcissist

By Dr. Zoe / Ask Dr. Zoe

‘Just Kris’ Asked: I have a sister in law that I believe according to the definition of narcissism has narcissistic tendencies. We don’t spend much time together, but our relationship (along with all of my in-laws that feel they need to tiptoe around her) is strained because it feels like she makes every issue about her, no matter how clearly it is not. She also handles any kind of criticism very poorly, lashing out and if possible demanding a retraction and apology. For instance, I recently gave birth to my second child and we asked her and my brother in law to wait to come down to visit because a lot of my side of the family was down at first and

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Ask Dr. Zoe – How to Co-Parent With a Toxic Ex

By Dr. Zoe / Ask Dr. Zoe

‘Paulette’ Asked: How do you coparent with a toxic ex? Someone who is manipulative, a compulsive liar even to the courts and doesn’t put the kids’ best interests first. Dr. Zoe Answered: You can’t! It’s that simple, but let me explain. The concept of co-parenting is a wonderful one and parents who have picked up this torch have served their children well through their separation. But, I think it has also been damaging to others who see it as attainable in their situation. Co-parenting isn’t for everyone and it certainly won’t work in every scenario. And it won’t work in yours if your ex is truly all those things you just described. You can’t co-parent with someone who is toxic, unreasonable and

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Ask Dr. Zoe – How To Heal Emotionally After Hurt, Betrayal and Divorce

By Dr. Zoe / Ask Dr. Zoe

‘Beijing_Mom’ Asked: My husband and I are in the process of a divorce after being married 20 yrs. I found out he was a porn addict and also that he had given me a STD from other sexual adventures. Lucky for me antibiotics could get rid of this one. The biggest hurt wasn’t the adultery but the years of self hate and anger that he projected onto me. We lived overseas so I couldn’t leave early with our children. The disdain, lack of intimacy, manipulation and anger I experienced from him has left me battered. I’ve been told maybe I have PTSD and I know something is wrong with me. I used to put all my faith in God and think the

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Ask Dr. Zoe – Struggling Stepmom: What Helps My Relationship with His Ex?

By Dr. Zoe / Ask Dr. Zoe

‘Confused Fiance’ Asked: How do I go about repairing the relationship with the mother of my fiance’s children? I don’t like her, I think she is a very childish and spiteful person, but there should be some sort of casual friendship between us, for the sake of the children. She doesn’t seem to care and throws the fact that she’s their mother in my face. I’ve explained to her on several accounts that I’m not trying to and could never replace her, but that she should be appreciative that I treat them as my own when I have them with me. My fiance and I are getting married this summer and all of this drama she’s causing has me worried about how

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Ask Dr. Zoe – How Do I Break Free From Codependency?

By Dr. Zoe / Ask Dr. Zoe

‘Hoping to get Healthy’ Asked: Lately, I’ve come to terms with the fact that I struggle with codependency. I still have some shame associated with that title but I’m ready to embrace it so I can overcome it! I had a very difficult childhood, and I don’t know my Dad and I’m pretty sure both played a big role in developing these coping mechanisms. What are some tips you’d give to someone who realizes they are codependent and wants to change? Dr. Zoe Answered: There is no shame in honestly acknowledging who and what you struggle with. I’m so glad you are ready to embrace your co-dependency issues. Now, the healing can begin! Yes, you are so right that your experiences in

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Ask Dr. Zoe – Dealing with Blended Families and Different Household Rules

By Dr. Zoe / Ask Dr. Zoe

‘A Mom Trying to Figure It Out’ Asked: Blended Family Rules I seem to have a mess of questions lately. Most all revolve around my blended family where children are raised in two households. I would like to know how to thrive not only survive (surviving seems to be the best I can do some days). One of many questions I have is how to handle the things a stepchild (age 9) brings into my home that I am not comfortable with or how I am parenting my biological child (age 3). Specifically, things like violent video games allowed for the stepchild that I don’t allow for my own. I know that as they grow older, there will only be more instances

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