Ask Dr Zoe | Grit and Grace Life

Ask Dr. Zoe – Is It Wrong for a Married Mom to Want More Time With Friends?

‘Needing Girl Time’ Asked: I want to make more time for friendships this year but I feel guilty leaving my husband and kids to do so—is it wrong to make regular girl time happen? How can I explain that I need it to my family without making them feel neglected? Dr. Zoe Answered: What do your kids do for fun? Ask them how important their playtime is. Ask them to imagine if they couldn’t have playtime anymore. Explain to them that moms need playtime too. Tell them that spending time with your friends is your playtime. That’s pretty simple, but oh, that darn guilt! We can barely mention the word motherhood without talking about guilt. After all, once we become mothers (if […]

Ask Dr. Zoe – Is It Wrong for a Married Mom to Want More Time With Friends? Read More »

Ask Dr. Zoe – Can I Move on From Child Loss With Motherhood Regrets?

By Dr. Zoe / Ask Dr. Zoe

‘Cray in Carolinas’ Asked: My son died at 21 years and I struggle with memories of times I was not the mom I wished I was at times … how do I erase that tape? Dr. Zoe Answered: Oh, mama, my heart aches for you. Those intrusive thoughts are the worst and it seems that they are never the memories of all the amazing mom moments that you had—only the mistakes and regrets. We all make mistakes and if your son had continued to live, you would have continued to make them. You would have continued to have the great mom moments too! One frustrating part of grieving is the bargaining stage where you are right now (which we can cycle in

Ask Dr. Zoe – Can I Move on From Child Loss With Motherhood Regrets? Read More »

Ask Dr. Zoe – How Do I Handle a Toxic Relationship With My Father?

By Dr. Zoe / Ask Dr. Zoe, Relationships

‘Ashley’ Asked: I have dealt with years of mental abuse, lack of presence and once I allow him back into my life more mental abuse from my biological father. He is an addict and has been my whole life and drugs and alcohol have always been more important to him then anything else. In the past few years his health is significantly declined and he is very ill. I tried to put our differences aside and be there in and out of the hospital for weeks on end. Only to have him turn around and say awful things to me after he is out of the hospital and using again. I can’t keep doing this anymore. It tears me down and I

Ask Dr. Zoe – How Do I Handle a Toxic Relationship With My Father? Read More »

Ask Dr. Zoe – I’ve Grown Up, Should I Apologize for My Immature Past?

By Dr. Zoe / Ask Dr. Zoe

‘Annie’ Asked: Hi Dr. Zoe, In the process of healing from my childhood trauma, I’m learning how disordered my actions were and how unhealthy my attachments were when I was in my late teens/early 20’s. I can see now more clearly where my behaviors came from but I can’t help but feel so ashamed of how I acted in my relationships with friends during that time. These people are no longer close friends but are still acquaintances via social media. There is a part of me that always wants to share with them how I’m sorry how I acted during that time and how I recognize ways where I was overly clingy or if I acted inappropriately, but I also don’t know

Ask Dr. Zoe – I’ve Grown Up, Should I Apologize for My Immature Past? Read More »

Ask Dr. Zoe – How Do I Trust a Good Relationship After Past Betrayals?

By Dr. Zoe / Ask Dr. Zoe

‘CCinSAV’ Asked: How do I learn to trust more in my current relationship after being betrayed or abandoned in past relationships? Backstory: I’m married to a wonderful, loving man now… but I still often struggle to trust him (or others in my life) because I’ve been “burned” by several others in my past, both past-boyfriends and former friends. Any practical tips on ways to build trust or help me to renew my mind/heart so that I am more trusting instead of always fearful of being hurt? Dr. Zoe Answered: You don’t need to work on building trust in him, you need to work on demolishing your wall and trusting yourself. When you trust yourself, you don’t need to be so concerned with

Ask Dr. Zoe – How Do I Trust a Good Relationship After Past Betrayals? Read More »

Ask Dr. Zoe – How to Answer “When Will You Have Kids?” When Facing Infertility

By Dr. Zoe / Ask Dr. Zoe, Life & Culture

‘Liz’ Asked: Dr. Zoe, My husband and I are infertile. People ask us a lot when we are going to have kids. While this question is often asked with good intentions, it’s a painful question for me, as I wanted kids, so I always struggle with how to answer. I’m a little tired of stumbling through a polite, but usually untrue answer. At this point, I feel tempted to be brutally honest with the next person who asks me. Maybe then they will feel the awkwardness I feel. What’s a good way to answer that question without walking away feeling both hurt and dishonest? Dr. Zoe Answered: I love how you say you’re tempted to be honest. Girl, be honest! First of

Ask Dr. Zoe – How to Answer “When Will You Have Kids?” When Facing Infertility Read More »

Ask Dr. Zoe – Help! I Get so Frustrated With My Toddler!

By Dr. Zoe / Ask Dr. Zoe

‘Matel’ Asked: Hi Zoe, my question to you is as follows. I get frustrated when my girl 3.5 years old does not act the way I want her too. She is very hyper, fearless and very wild 🙂 i end up shouting, being upset and being in bad mood quite often than normal. How can I come to manage my emotions? I feel hopeless at times when parenting become tough. Thanks Dr. Zoe Answered: First, please know that all mamas feel that way. You are not alone. These little ones that we love so much, instinctively know how to push all of our buttons. Your daughter is an individual person with a will of her own. This may be hard to hear,

Ask Dr. Zoe – Help! I Get so Frustrated With My Toddler! Read More »

Ask Dr. Zoe – How Can I Break Gender Roles in My Relationship?

By Dr. Zoe / Ask Dr. Zoe

‘Yolanda’ Asked: Do you have any tips on how to break gender roles. My husband and I both work yet he literally expects me to prepare 3 meals a day for him. If I don’t have dinner ready he is annoyed rude and disappointed. Although I am just as busy as he is he will not lift a finger around the house and expects me to do all the cooking and cleaning. I’m just as tired as he is, if not more and don’t know why I’m expected to do it all just because I’m a girl. Dr. Zoe Answered: Married men who do more housework have more sex. True fact. Apparently enough women are struggling with this issue, that researchers have

Ask Dr. Zoe – How Can I Break Gender Roles in My Relationship? Read More »

Ask Dr. Zoe – How Do I Keep a Relationship Platonic?

By Dr. Zoe / Ask Dr. Zoe

‘Desiring Friendship and Ministry Partnership’ Asked: I’m in my mid-60s and have been widowed for five years. I recently met a single Christian man who is a difference-maker. I have a deep respect for him, and admire his humility and work ethic. I’m not attracted to him but I’d love to partner with him in his humanitarian work in Uganda. What are the wisest ways to develop a friendship and ministry relationship with someone of the opposite sex without appearing as if I’m pursuing him as a potential date or husband? Dr. Zoe Answered: Making platonic friends after widowhood is not any different than before marriage. I have to admit that I wonder if it’s really your heart’s desire for this relationship

Ask Dr. Zoe – How Do I Keep a Relationship Platonic? Read More »

Ask Dr. Zoe – My Fiancé Ignored My Feelings—Should I Stay?

By Dr. Zoe / Ask Dr. Zoe

‘Nikki’ Asked: We moved to a new city 3 years ago for my fiancé’s career and I am not happy with the area. We are not near family or friends… all are hours away. I have expressed that I am unhappy and he too is not but says it’s where we need to be. Should I consider moving back on my own since he is not considering my feelings and happiness? Dr. Zoe Answered: I never condone acting as if you are married before you are. Rarely does anything good come from this. I started to answer as if you were married, then re-read the question and realized that you weren’t. If he were your husband, I would tell you that your

Ask Dr. Zoe – My Fiancé Ignored My Feelings—Should I Stay? Read More »

Ask Dr. Zoe – My Teen Stepdaughter Doesn’t Respect Me

By Dr. Zoe / Ask Dr. Zoe

‘Pawan’ Asked: Hi Dr. Zoe I am having trouble with connecting with my 12yr old step daughter. I have 3 step kids. I don’t have any kids of my own. Me and my husband are full time custodians and they see their mom every other weekend. I don’t see we her respecting me. I feel like she hates me and only like to respect me when her dad says her to do so. My husband is a very wise parent. I am lucky that I have him in this situation. He talks to the kids about problem and set expectations as well as talking to them thru the problems. Please suggest me what and how to do my role. My ego gets

Ask Dr. Zoe – My Teen Stepdaughter Doesn’t Respect Me Read More »

Ask Dr. Zoe – Should I Choose My Husband Over My Son?

By Dr. Zoe / Ask Dr. Zoe

‘Wench’ Asked: I have been married for 11 years to a man that appears to have narcissistic behavior. 5 years ago because my son was smoking pot, not at the house but away from the house my husband told me I had to choose between my son or him, I was told I needed to kick my son out who was still in high school. As a mother I couldn’t do that to my son. I was told then that I could get out and take my son with me. My husband cried the day I left and begged me to stay but it would be without my son. For 5 years we have continued to see each other and as far

Ask Dr. Zoe – Should I Choose My Husband Over My Son? Read More »

Ask Dr. Zoe – Why Do Strong Independent Women Scare Men?

By Dr. Zoe / Ask Dr. Zoe

‘Tat2nurse13’ Asked: Why does being a strong independent woman scare off men? Dr. Zoe Answered: Oh, I love this question! But, your statement isn’t completely true. Historically, it has been proven that the more successful and independent a woman is, the less likely it is that she will find a life partner, but things are a-changin, honey! And yes, it may still be a bit harder for a strong, independent, successful woman to find love, but it’s not because she’s scaring off men. She’s probably attracting the wrong ones. Most men are not intimidated by strong, independent women. The men who are, are men who want to dominate and control women—and he’s not the guy you want anyway. Most men are not

Ask Dr. Zoe – Why Do Strong Independent Women Scare Men? Read More »

Ask Dr. Zoe – How Do I Recover From a Life Full of Battles?

By Dr. Zoe / Ask Dr. Zoe

‘Alisandra’ Asked: How do you recover from divorce, breast cancer, loss of a job, and not seeing your child every day? Dr. Zoe Answered: My immediate visual after reading your experience is a warrior woman, still standing in the midst of the haze of battle. You may not visualize yourself in this way, but you are still standing—and you’ve been through a battle! I don’t know all of the circumstances. I’m not sure if you have an adult child or a minor. But loss is loss and the best way to recover from it is to walk through it. When a lot of bad things happen to you, you can get hyper-focused on yourself—and you need to! But it can also lead

Ask Dr. Zoe – How Do I Recover From a Life Full of Battles? Read More »

Ask Dr. Zoe – Are These Pre-Wedding Jitters or Marriage Red Flags?

By Dr. Zoe / Ask Dr. Zoe, Relationships

‘Ginny Girl’ Asked: My fiance told me a few things that hurt me really bad a few days after the engagement. I gave him a few weeks time, patiently tried to convince him in my way, even went on a day’s trip to make him feel more relaxed thinking he’s probably having his jitters because we were quite fine before the event I felt and I just couldn’t understand why his behavior changed suddenly. I told his parents about this. They intervened too and tried to convince him to stay but still he was only getting worse with time and I finally decided to let my parents know of his dilemma because it worried me to see them run around preparing for

Ask Dr. Zoe – Are These Pre-Wedding Jitters or Marriage Red Flags? Read More »

Ask Dr. Zoe – How Can I Move on After Pregnancy Loss?

By Dr. Zoe / Ask Dr. Zoe

‘Pregnancy Loss’ Asked: I am currently dealing with a pregnancy loss. It is a blighted ovum and my body is just not catching up to what is happening. I am going back to the doctor to make final decisions at the end of the week. The problem is I still have pregnancy symptoms and because I haven’t physically miscarried yet, I just don’t feel like I am truly processing what is happening. To make things more complicated my husband is graduating from police academy (he has been gone for 6.5 months – only home on weekends) next week and then we may go away before he starts at his post the following week. While the distraction is helpful, it prolongs the process

Ask Dr. Zoe – How Can I Move on After Pregnancy Loss? Read More »

Ask Dr. Zoe – Stuck in a Love Triangle: My Man, His Ex and His Child

By Dr. Zoe / Ask Dr. Zoe

‘Toxic Triangle’ Asked: I often feel like my partner is not giving me my place in this toxic triangle of a relationship. I love him very much. I feel like he’s put up with his ex (mother of his children) for so long that he’s become accustomed to her BS and in return, I feel I don’t get the respect I need and the boundaries I set keep getting crossed. She is constantly dangling his daughter in from of him like a piece of meat to get her way all the time because she knows he will always take the bait. It’s frustrating for me to see this happening and when she disrespects me I don’t feel he backs me up. What

Ask Dr. Zoe – Stuck in a Love Triangle: My Man, His Ex and His Child Read More »