Have you told yourself you don’t have time, or that you can’t squeeze something into your schedule? Maybe you’ve even uttered the words, “I know I need to, but just can’t. I have responsibilities.” Or “That seems selfish of me.” I’ve told myself these on more than one occasion. But as I’ve aged gracefully, I’ve realized my way of thinking when I was younger wasn’t necessarily the best.
If I had the chance to talk to my younger self, the new mom, I would love to share with her what I know now.
It’s Not Selfish to Take Time for Yourself—Here’s Why
It’s not selfish to take time for yourself. You aren’t slacking off responsibilities; you are merely caring for the one who cares for everyone else. You were investing in the asset your family needs to hold it all together.
Those days that everyone told you to nap when the baby was napping? Trust me, take advantage. The laundry will be there. A multi-course dinner is not always necessary, but having a wife and mom who can function is.
Allow others to help you. I’m the world’s worst at asking for help. I’ll drag something and fall over with it multiple times before I ever stop to ask someone to help me. My independence might actually be stubbornness, maybe. I was always afraid asking for help would make me look weak. Quite the contrary—it shows strength to ask for help. It shows growth to know that you can’t do it all alone. People want to help, but they just don’t know how. If you have things you need help with, allow those people in.
Go to the doctor when you don’t feel well. Stop sweeping it under the rug, and start making yourself a priority because you make everyone else one. So get that annual exam and take care of yourself because your people need you.
Your house doesn’t always have to be spotless. It’s okay if you aren’t feeling well or if you just want to sit on the floor and play. That matters more. Be where your feet are and take advantage of the opportunities you have. The kids grow up too fast, and before long, they will be out of the house.
Invest in your marriage. Our circumstances made date nights hard, but I wish we had figured something else out to make them more of a priority in the beginning. We struggled, but we kept fighting for our marriage; we kept showing up, and we kept working at it. Whoever tells you marriage is easy, they are flat out lying to you, friend. Marriage is hard, and it’s work, but it’s so worth it.
Invest in your physical, mental, and spiritual health. When my son was young, this looked like getting up earlier than I knew he would (so the roosters weren’t up), reading my Bible, and journaling while riding a recumbent bike. That spiritual time grew into a routine, one that I cherish each morning. Even when it means getting up in the wee hours of the morning just to have that time with Jesus, it gets my head right and starts my day off better. The physical aspect helps me stay in shape and mentally clears my mind. I’ve even gotten to the point that I can read books while on the elliptical.
Don’t Be Afraid to Ask for Help When You Need It
I get you may not have family around that can help. Maybe you aren’t sure who would be willing, but all you have to do is ask. The worst they can say is no. Find friends in similar situations so that you can each watch the kids and switch off. Sometimes we moms forget we have to invest in ourselves as much as we invest in everyone else, because you can’t pour from an empty container.
Today, do one thing that prioritizes you, whether it’s five minutes of peace or picking up takeout instead of making dinner because you’re exhausted. Do one thing today for yourself, and keep pouring into yourself and your marriage.
