Adult Children | Grit and Grace Life

I Got My First Tattoo at 45, This Is Why

I admit to having been slightly prejudiced against people with a lot of tattoos. Why mess up God’s masterpiece? When a woman with a completely tatted body crossed my path, I often wondered, is there some self-hating going on—masochism, rebellion? My mother’s words echoed through my brain, “If God wanted you to have holes in your body or pictures on your skin, he would have given them to you.” One thing I know for sure is that the older I get, the less I know and the more I learn. Over the years, I grew to kind of like the idea of a tattoo—some symbol of defiance or exclamation point on my body, saying, “Here I am and this is what I […]

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This Is What I Would Say to My Younger Mom-Self

By Marlys Johnson Lawry / Audio Articles, Faith

(Listen to the audio version of this article here.) Our daughter was away at college when our son graduated from high school. With a job lined up in Northern California, I drove him south across the Oregon border to help get him settled. On our last evening together, we went grocery shopping. Do you see how much it costs to eat in the manner to which you’ve become accustomed? But I don’t say this out loud. The next morning, I hugged him good-bye and then turned my car north. Melancholy rode with me in the passenger seat—past Shasta Lake and into the green mountains of Oregon. From birth until they sprouted wings and cleared the runway, I enjoyed every chapter of our

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Are You Worried Your Prodigal Will Never Return?

By Darlene Brock / Faith

Motherhood is complicated, and there are parts of the journey that we are often reticent to share. One of the most agonizing may not be the experience of all moms, but in today’s culture it is of the large majority. This world is busy making truth into lies and lies into the truth which, time and again, leaves a mother watching as her child becomes someone she wishes they weren’t. She is helplessly regimented to the sidelines as they adopt a lifestyle she wishes they wouldn’t. Childhood rebellion comes as early as the toddler tantrum and peaks at the middle school personality shift, often leading to teen rebellion. But the most pronounced may not show itself until choices are made by your college

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This Is Why You Need to Let Go of Your Boy, Mom

By Kitti Murray / Motherhood

I had breakfast with one of my sons this week. Somewhere between our first cups of coffee and our last, he looked at me across the table and said, “We should do this more often.” If you are a mom of a boy, especially a boy who is old enough to drink coffee, and even more especially a boy who is a man with a wife and children of his own, you understand how this comment made me feel. I don’t have to describe the little flip-flop that happened in my heart. But it wasn’t all that long ago when the flip-flop could have ruined the moment. This is the danger zone between moms and their boys. I will not say we

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4 Tips That Can Heal Your Mother-Daughter Drama

By Hannah Cox / Relationships

The mother-daughter relationship is both beautiful and complicated. Today, I am proud to say that my mom is not just a great adviser and trusted confidant in my life, but she is also my friend. Our relationship hasn’t always been long conversations, all day shopping dates, and mother-daughter trips. Seven years ago, one of the most devastating seasons of our family’s life turned out to be the very thing we needed to bring our relationship back to life. I spent the majority of my childhood and teen years speaking hateful words to my mom. I did not get along with her. I am a free spirit and she is very orderly. Every time I tried to grow or do something unique, I

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When You Feel Sad Because an Important Season of Motherhood Ends

By Jennifer Schoonover / Motherhood

I’m not ready. I’m just not ready! This is the recurring thought I’m having as we walk further into the wonderful fall season. With this season come so many emotions. Ok, who am I kidding? All seasons bring about different emotions, for me anyway. Fall is like a deep sigh, a cleansing breath if you will. The daylight is shorter, and darkness longer. The fog rolls in with the evening and stays until midmorning, bringing a layer of dampness to all it touches. We begin to look for our favorite, coziest sweater to keep the chill of the morning and evenings off our sun-soaked skin, and we contemplate trading out our iced coffee for a warm pumpkin spice latte. I love this season for

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Dear Parents of Millennials: It’s Time to Stop It

By Teresa Christian / Work & Money, Best Of, Motherhood

Dear sweet, sweet parents of Millennials (those precious little snowflakes born around 1980-2000, give or take a year or two) As the parent of two Millennials myself, and a Human Resources professional, I have a few words of advice for you: Let. Them. Go. I routinely read in HR career magazines and blog stories about how parents step in on behalf of their children. We’ve been doing that their entire lives, and it seems that it’s too difficult to quit. Here are examples I recently read. A father called his son’s employer to ask that his son be given a pay increase. A mom called to say that her child was sick and unable to come to an interview. Another parent called

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Parenting Adult Children—The Great Shift of Motherhood

By Darlene Brock / Motherhood

There is a seismic shift that occurs somewhere between high school graduation and the “pay your own rent” season in every parent and child’s life. This human, who went from underfoot toddler to challenging teen, is suddenly out the door, certain they are equipped with everything they need to be a “grown-up.” As you watch them confidently stride forward, you realize they have no idea that you’re still trying to figure that one out! But you have spent the last 18+ years getting them ready for this transition, so they are, probably, equipped well enough. The mother-child roles are changing, and it’s a good thing. Walking alongside a healthy, productive adult, who was once that baby in your arms, is a joyful,

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The Wedding Sway, Your Son's Wedding Day

An Unexpected, Wonderful Moment on Your Son’s Wedding Day

By Kitti Murray / Relationships

I am watching my son dance his first dance with his wife. Foreheads touching, lips moving in a conversation no one else can hear, arms looped around the other’s neck, leaning together in a careless box step. Why do we make a spectacle of something so sacred? I look away. And then I notice the black and white row of our three other sons behind them. Their arms are draped behind each other’s backs and they are swaying to the music. Swaying. Together. Like a mother who never forgets how to move back and forth when a child needs soothing, I sway in time with them from the other side of the dance floor. I am struck by how substantial this image

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Graduation Day: How Will My Kids Survive Without Me?

By Beverly Whalen / Motherhood

It seems like only yesterday that I was the tear-streaked mom sitting in the bleachers watching two daughters graduate from high school. Two best friends, two sidekicks, two sisters leaving the nest at the same time. Two beautiful young women going their separate ways…and leaving their mother behind. I was definitely not ready! Yes, I had two more daughters, also teenagers, still running in and out the door, sometimes sneaking out the window before getting caught in action (severe consequences, like missing the prom and being grounded for a month). I have learned much raising five daughters who are all—much like their dad and me—quite social and free spirited. Would they survive? Could they survive the real world? We would not be

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Alarmist Mom: How to Fight the Urge to Freak

By Kitti Murray / Motherhood

I have a new hobby in my middle age. I am an alarmist. I wonder if this is something new or if I’m just now realizing it. When they were little, I did a decent job shielding our boys from my tendency to warn them about impending doom. I vowed to never say things like, “Get down from there, you’ll fall,” or “Put that knife away, you’ll put someone’s eye out.” By not saying these things, I hope I communicated something like, “You are such a refined amalgam of balance and skill and strength and grace that I trust you will rarely fall.” And, by golly, they didn’t … very much. I wonder if I’m already losing my filter. We have a

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Your Teenage Boy Will Break Your Heart, and You’ll Be Better for It

By Kitti Murray / Motherhood

What is it about teenage boys? I’ve been in love with them since I was about twelve. They are, in general, insensitive, inarticulate, clunky, and smelly (even when they discover deodorant and cologne, because they don’t discover moderation until later). But they are all those things with a seemingly endless supply of charm. I’m in love with them. Good thing, since we raised four. And, at one time or another, all of them broke my heart. I mended, though. A Mama’s Boy Let’s be honest; most moms secretly want a mama’s boy. A boy who will engage us, prefer us, unburden his very soul to us. All things teenage boys hardly ever do, in part because they don’t know how and in

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Dear Daughter, as You Become a Mom

By Clare Marlow / Motherhood

She comes around the corner of the kitchen, her belly preceding her by a scant second and quickening my heart. Even though I can’t possibly for a second forget that my daughter is pregnant with her first child and I see her every day, for some reason that tangible reminder first thing in the morning is a jolt, stimulating utter joy and also complete amazement at how fast the last 25 years flew by. My hands have a mind of their own as they reach out to touch this soon-to-be-born little boy. I have to ask the same thing every morning, “How did you sleep? And how is my grandson?” She rolls her eyes. But I know that in her heart she

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