| The Grit and Grace Project

As My Friend List Shrinks, I Love How It Deepens

I’ve reached the age where my ideal Friday night involves pajamas, a couch, a book and being asleep by 10 o’clock. (ok, 9:30). The 20- to 30-year-old version of me had a very different idea of an ideal Friday night. At twenty, I’d hope for a date, a bar or a large group of friends. At thirty, I still hoped for an invite of some kind. A dinner party or excuse to wear anything besides yoga pants or school clothes. I wanted to be included and invited and to laugh the loudest. Don’t get me wrong; I still want to be invited, but I don’t always want to go. Be Choosey When it Comes to Your Friend List My life seemed to […]

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one woman who is feeling the loneliness epidemic gazes out a window looking sad

Are You Part of the Loneliness Epidemic? You Don’t Have to Be

By Susan Mettes / Relationships

Loneliness seems to be an increasingly real problem for people all over the world. Even before the COVID-19 pandemic, 61% of American adults reported feeling lonely. Add to that several months of social distancing and remote work, along with the usual sense of isolation caused by social media, and it’s clear that we are facing none other than what behavioral scientist and researcher Susan Mettes is calling the loneliness epidemic. Grit and Grace Life interviewed Susan about this particular slice of her research and her new book, The Loneliness Epidemic. Originally intended to become a podcast episode, the recorded audio quality wasn’t quite suited for headphones and speakers, but the content is nevertheless just as vital. We’ve adapted Susan’s responses into a

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5 Must Ask Questions For a New Roommate

By Lynn Fleshman / Relationships

Maybe you’re about to get your dream apartment with your college besties or maybe you’re crossing your fingers and setting up house with people you’ve just met. Either way, new living situations call for some late-night Target runs (yay!) with your new roommate and a few uncomfortable, but necessary, conversations (boo). I’ve lived in multiple dorms, apartments, houses, and one trailer park, and over the years, I’ve learned a few things about how to start off on the right foot with new roommates. There are some pitfalls you’ll want to avoid and a few things you can do proactively to make home a happy and peaceful space for all of you. So text your future roommates, schedule a time to meet at

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Choosing to Be Vulnerable Takes Courage—Especially After a Bad Breakup

By Kristen Bailey / Relationships

The sun set behind the golden California hills out windows of the conversion van as I stared out, stunned. He was breaking up with me. We’d traveled across the country from New York to California together, modern day pioneers as “van lifers” going from national park to national park. We’d talked about getting engaged and moved all my belongings into his family’s place while we apartment hunted. Now, his words were as surreal as the sunset itself. Newly Single and Homeless “I need to just do me for a while. I haven’t been selfish enough.” As the minutes and devastation sunk in, I realized I was in trouble far worse than just my broken heart. I was homeless. “Where am I supposed

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Take Your Friendships to Another Level with a Heartfelt Dinner Party

By Kristen Bailey / Life & Culture

My college days centered around food. Cooking with the international students on campus, I forged lifelong friendships and learned recipes for dumplings I’d use well into adulthood. Something about our conversations shared while chopping green onions and brewing hot pots strengthened both our bodies and souls. Adult life seems disconnected, busier, and less social. It’s full of instant meals and quick conversations. Nutrient- and communication-starved. A Loneliness Epidemic Hosting the occasional dinner party could be a simple and elegant way to jumpstart the well-being changes we need, injecting the benefits of close community and good food into our emotional, mental, and relational health. Dinner brings everyone together, encourages them to spend time getting into entrees and entertaining conversation that doesn’t happen anywhere

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Just Because She’s Pretty, Doesn’t Mean You’re Not

By Ashley Johnson / Health & Beauty, Audio Articles, Relationships

(Listen to the audio version of this article here.) Do you have a friend who’s so beautiful that sometimes you find yourself staring, admiring? How about one who lives off of donuts and never lifts more than her purse but somehow maintains the body of a supermodel? Maybe you have a friend who always gets what she wants, and everything seems to go her way. Or what about your funny, charismatic friend who lights up a room and makes even strangers feel like they’ve been life-long friends? Have you ever noticed your friend’s beauty, talents, opportunities, or life as a whole and then suddenly felt like you got the short end of the stick? It’s not a fun place to be, and

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Ask Dr. Zoe – My Friend Exhibits Hurtful, Toxic Behavior. Can I Help Her?

By Dr. Zoe / Ask Dr. Zoe

‘Meg the Muse’ Asked: Dear Dr. Zoe, My friend of 17 years behaves in strange, hurtful ways and I don’t know whether these things could indicate some sort of personality disorder or trauma. She gives the silent treatment, pushes her friends away, accuses other people of being out to get her or of disrespecting her boundaries without saying what those boundaries are, love bombs people and then cuts them off, holds grudges, cries and is embarrassed easily, has unrealistic standards and won’t accept criticism. This has been a pattern for many years now. She still lives with her parents, hasn’t dated in 5 years and refuses to step out of her comfort zone even a little bit. I love her and want

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Do You Know Your Purpose? It May Surprise You! – 193

By Smart Living with Grit and Grace / Podcast

Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Amazon Music | Android | TuneIn | RSS | MoreStudies have proven that we’re more productive, live longer, and laugh more when we spend time with others. It only makes sense, then, that our relationships are significant to our existence—and that the most important purpose we can have is pouring into the lives of others. On this week’s podcast, Darlene Brock and Julie Bender discuss how to do just that. They lay out a framework for how to show unconditional love to friends and family that have made both small and serious mistakes; they share stories of the women who invested in them and changed the trajectory of their lives; and they encourage us step into

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True Purpose Is Found in How We Care for Others

By Darlene Brock / Purpose, Life & Culture

I watch as a woman I dearly treasure is overtaken by the stronghold of dementia, and I resign to the fact that none of us has control or the ability to change this course. Repeated stories and angry outbursts, followed by confusion—this has become the norm for this strong, kind, and loving lady. While these are not the actions of the aunt who has impacted my life so significantly, it’s where she finds herself in the twilight of her life. But my heart doesn’t stay where she is today. Instead, it leads me to the actions throughout her life. The deep and constant investment she made in mine. These will always be part of my treasured memories, keeping residence in my heart.

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Ask Dr. Zoe – How Do You Make Friends as an Adult?

By Dr. Zoe / Ask Dr. Zoe, Relationships

‘Taylor’ Asked: How do you make friends as an adult? Dr. Zoe Answered: No one tells us that it’s so much harder to make friends as an adult than when you were a kid. Rest assured, you and a trillion other adults have the same problem. In adulthood, friendships tend to be pocketed, consisting of different circles of interest. And then there are those that stand the test of time, which can be few and far between. Making new friends really isn’t much different than dating. I know dating can be nerve-wracking, so let’s go with a shopping metaphor instead. If you want to find a new BFF, you have to first put yourself out there and then be willing to try

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How do I Connect with Friends when I Feel Alone? with Katie Cress – 165

By Smart Living with Grit and Grace / Podcast

Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Amazon Music | Android | TuneIn | RSS | More Friendships are incredibly valuable to our lives and our well-being, but they take work. Just like marriage, different seasons of life will require our attention and complicate these relationships. We might find that the dynamic has changed, or the frequency of communication has dwindled. In this episode, Grit and Grace Life writer and counselor Katie Cress joins Darlene Brock and Julie Bender to share the steps she took to connect with friends after a cross-country move left her feeling lonely and withdrawn. In order to maintain healthy friendships—or restore frayed ones—we need to put in the time and effort to connect. If this sounds like where

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For Shirley, the Wonderful Neighbor Who Made Everyone Feel Special

By Amy Fisher Quinn / Relationships

The air on the porch was heavy and the cicadas chanted their morning prayers. I peered past the redwood fence separating our yard from that of the most wonderful neighbor. Katie concentrated, brushing her Barbie’s tresses. “Did you hear anything?” I asked my sister. “Nope,” she responded. I wondered how much longer it would be. “We’re so hot, Mom,” I yelled into the kitchen. “It’s not even 10:00,” said Mom. “Not yet.” Clink. The pool gate, a sure sign that it was time. My heart raced a bit. I was 9 years old, and it was time to go swimming. Past the pool towels that danced, long and loose on the clothes line, popped a sun-glassed head. “You girls wanna swim?” she

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Ask Dr. Zoe – How Do I Stop Being a People Pleaser?

By Dr. Zoe / Ask Dr. Zoe

‘Paranoid and anxious’ Asked: Dr. Zoe, HELP ME! I know that this question, not even a question really, may seem bizarre and a no-brainier, but to me, it’s my life and I hate it! I’m such a people pleaser, always wanting to help someone out even if it means spreading myself far too thin. I’m always worried if someone doesn’t text me back, want to hang out, like my post on Facebook or return my phone calls that they are mad at me, secretly hate me, or they are laughing behind my back. I’m constantly paranoid about my friendships and even sometimes with my marriage. My anxiety will be so bad that I take it out on my husband and children. At

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This Grit & Grace Life Podcast Preview – Episode 150 Friendship

By Our Grit and Grace Life Videos / Relationships

Friendships are one of our most treasured gifts, but the truth of the matter is that some are lifelong and others are not. So how are we prioritizing these important relationships? Are we building up the ones that matter, or are we investing time and energy into a friendship that’s reached the end of its season? In this podcast episode, Darlene and Julie share the signs of a friendship that’s ended and how to move on in a healthy way. Like romantic relationships, a broken friendship is painful at first. But over time you’ll discover that you’ve made room to invest in the ones that here to stay. And for those special friendships that are rooted for life, the ladies explain how

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This Grit and Grace Life Podcast Preview – Episode 96 How to Be a Grace-Filled Friend in Hard Times

By Our Grit and Grace Life Videos / Relationships

When we have a friend or family member going through a difficult season, our instinct is to make them feel better, as quickly as we know how. While we want to be available for our loved ones during tough times, they may not want our consolation or advice. Often, these friends want more than words: They want our support, our love and assurance that we’ll be around when they’re ready to open up. In this podcast episode, Darlene and Julie discuss practical ways that we can offer grace and show up during our loved ones’ toughest times.

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How Strong Women Can Have Healthy Friendships – 150

By Smart Living with Grit and Grace / Podcast

Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Amazon Music | Android | TuneIn | RSS | MoreDo women really need friends? Do they need female friendships? What does it take to create a bond that flourishes? How do you know when a friendship should end because the harm outweighs the good, bringing hurt instead of joy? Can women have long-term friendships? Can they be “just friends” with men? These are just a few of the issues that co-hosts Darlene Brock and Julie Bender consider while unpacking how to deepen relationships with friends who are safe, those you can trust. Also, they’ll discuss how to cut off a bond that has turned toxic. It takes both grit and grace to have quality friendships, and

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what do you do when bearing their burdens breaks you

What Can You Do When Bearing Their Burden Breaks You?

By Carolyn Gordon / Faith

We all know someone carrying a burden. A friend on Facebook who recently got divorced, a family member in a bad relationship, a coworker with a wayward child, a mom friend who lost her husband. We don’t have to look too far to find someone in need because we live in a broken world. And if you’re like me, you see a loved one in distress, and it might as well be a giant Batgirl signal blaring brightly in the dead of night. You grab your cape from your closet, ready to jump into action and bear the burden of another. You are armed with a checkbook, and a hand mixer is your sword to whip up some breakfast bread. You buy

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