Marriage

There is something that happens to me during the flurry of activity that accompanies anything I’m in charge of. Like hosting people in our home. Bill named this setting on my dial “machine gun mode,” and I think it feels good. Things need to be done, and I do them and check them off. Ahhhh. I am a list-maker by nature; the rat-a-tat-tat of ammunition firing is a beautiful sound to me. A list in motion! Here’s what I’ve learned about machine guns: if I am not careful with mine, it can create carnage. I can drastically reduce the collateral damage if I aim the gun only at myself, but I do better if I put down my weapon altogether. But I am addicted

I’m going to tell you about one thing that will improve a lot after your first year of marriage… “I know you were exaggerating,” Bill says, smiling across the table from me at one of our new favorite pubs, “but did I really make you cry every day of our first year of marriage?” We’d ditched a party after an hour for our own after-party date night, a practice that I, an avowed last-to-leave-extrovert, have come to love. Bill remembered something I’d said earlier to a newly wed couple. “No,” I answer, “you didn’t. But I did cry a lot and almost always because you hurt my feelings, which, to be accurate, is what I said you did every day.” This, I

I’ll admit it—I’m terrible at choosing favorites. Whenever people ask me questions like, “What’s your favorite movie or song?” I truly cannot offer one answer because I feel like I am leaving too many other good choices out! However, when it comes to my marriage, both Michael and I firmly hold true to one motto: “Love Flourishes in Freedom.” And the second part of our motto, “Control Breeds Contempt,” coincides with the first. This motto helps us keep our marriage balanced, but it also guides us in putting the broken pieces back together after we’ve allowed our messy humanness to get the best of us. We first heard this core relational truth, “love flourishes in freedom and control breeds contempt,” ­from our pre­marital counselor, wedding officiator, and Psychology

I saw this YouTube video the other day about an engineer who works with a bunch of prank-playing welders. They created a “backward bicycle” with a front tire that turns the opposite direction of the handlebars and challenged him to ride it across their workshop. The engineer, like most of us who learned to pedal at age 5 or 6, figured he could instantly master the bike. Instead, it took him eight months of daily practice before he could stay on the bike for more than a few seconds. He was a young guy and a public speaker to boot, so of course the video was super cool and fun to watch. But it was a few little words in the middle

Today’s visit to the bank should have followed the same basic routine it always has; a few transactions in a few minutes. But what I thought would be a simple exchange of polite greetings with a bank representative transformed into a beautiful connection with “Nick” (on his name tag). It was an encounter that has influenced my thinking and taught me a valuable lesson about how precious each second of every minute, hour and day are to those of us still drawing breath on this earth. As I exited the bank, Nick called my name. As I turned around, he pointed in my direction and said, “Phyllis, remember to ‘Make it a Great Day.’” I smiled and said, “I will!” After learning