| The Grit and Grace Project

Ask Dr. Zoe – My Husband Is Never Home; How Do I Tell Him I Want to Leave?

‘Deceived in Dallas’ asked: My husband and I met online and dated for two years before getting married. We often had long weekends together before we married and I thought I knew him well. We have been married two years now and I feel deceived. For two years he has been building a lawn care business (which I knew he had before) and working full-time at a retail job, which means his schedule is chaotic. Long story short, my husband is never home. When he is, he sleeps from exhaustion. He has been telling me for two years that things will level off once the business gets bigger. But I found out recently from his old friends and family that he has […]

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Ask Dr. Zoe – Is My Partner Gaslighting Me?

By Dr. Zoe / Ask Dr. Zoe

‘Nikki’ Asked: I’m currently in an argument with my partner, and I don’t know if he’s gaslighting me. Lately he’s been snapping at me over little things, then when I finally can’t take it anymore and snap myself, he comes out with why he’s upset and it turns out he thinks I stepped out of the relationship, which is completely untrue. I love him so much, I would never do that… This hurt me badly, especially since I’ve given up so much, like sharing my vehicle so he can go to work, leaving me at home stranded everyday. I am a business owner, which requires me to speak to men, and sometimes they say things like how pretty I am and “Hi,

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Ask Dr. Zoe — How Do I Revive My Disconnected Marriage After Retirement?

By Dr. Zoe / Ask Dr. Zoe, Relationships

‘Sandytoes’ Asked: My husband and I have been together since ‘83—married for 30+. He’s been retired for four years at 55—I’ve been a stay-at-home mom-wife for more than 20. I’m lonely in my marriage. He climbed the corporate ladder—after more than 12 moves across the country, for many years he was married to his job, our two kids and I were taken care of with no emotional or physical abuse by him. […] During our many moves I just started to see our relationship take a back seat as far as communication. (The kids are in two different states from where we are, and it’s very hard for me.) I came close to divorce about 16 years ago. I couldn’t stand his

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Ask Dr. Zoe – I’m Separated From My Husband, Should I Move Closer to Him for Our Son?

By Dr. Zoe / Ask Dr. Zoe, Relationships

‘Michelle79’ Asked: My husband and I are separated. He had severe addiction issues and went to rehab multiple times. It finally “stuck” in California. He lives there now. I live in NJ with our 6 year old son. My son was super close to him and misses him terribly. I have no desire to move to California, but am I doing my son a disservice by not going? There is no guarantee his dad and I would work it out anyway even if I lived there. Am I being selfish for staying in NJ with my son? Dr. Zoe Answered: It’s interesting to me that you didn’t ask if he was being selfish for not moving back to New Jersey where his

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I Might Be a Good Mom, But It Can Make Me a Bad Wife

I’m a Good Mom, but Can That Make Me a Bad Wife?

By Laila Schell / Relationships

I feel like I’m being pulled in every direction lately. Like I can’t quite reach the mark. I remember when I was working, I used to dream of all the things I would accomplish when I was on maternity leave. The house would be clean, the kids would have beautifully cut shapes of fruits and veggies in their lunch, and my husband would get all the attention he deserves. Fast forward 10 months and one more baby later, and while I find that my house is slightly cleaner and my kids are happier because I am home and they have after-school snacks and decent lunches (no starfish though), my husband still gets put on the backburner. Which makes me feel like a great mom

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5 Ways for a Busy Mom to Prioritize Intimacy With Her Husband

By Caroline Beidler / Relationships

My husband and I have a new tradition called “sweet o’clock.” We plan out the evening ahead of time, and I make a homemade treat, one of our favorites being a new flavor of homemade ice cream. As soon as the kids go to bed, we smile and head to the kitchen. On tough days (we are currently living through the “terrific twos” with twins), we will hint at our little secret and delicious rendezvous throughout the day. “Sweet o’clock night,” I will whisper as the kids are screaming from their high chairs or doing superhuman squirms to get out of changing their pull-up. I might be ready to pull out my own hair, or have one of those bathroom-cry moments that

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Ask Dr. Zoe – My Husband Is Having an Affair. What Do I Do Now?

By Dr. Zoe / Ask Dr. Zoe

‘Judith Ann’ Asked: Dear Dr. Zoe, I am heartbroken because I recently learned my husband of 22 years has been engaged in an emotional affair (with some physical closeness but claiming not sex) with a woman client (he’s a contractor) I introduced him to. The woman’s marriage was bad when they began their business relationship, but it soon turned towards more personal interactions…attention, compliments, shared interests, shared marital problems, and unhappiness, and it has spiraled into more romantic connections, nights out meeting one another in secret, etc. I am exhausted and overwhelmed with emotions. I am 65 and retired and that income is not enough to support myself on my own, and my husband’s income isn’t as good as it used to

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Is My Marriage Worth Fighting For? | Our Grit and Grace Life

By Our Grit and Grace Life Videos / Relationships

Nobody tells you that marriage is easy. And when you face outside struggles, like job loss and financial strain, the toll comes into the home and puts pressure on your relationship. In these situations, it’s tempting to second-guess your marriage, or even contemplate walking away. There are some instances where a successful long-term marriage is no longer an option. But if there’s a chance to save it, Darlene and Julie are here to encourage your commitment to fight with helpful resources and advice.

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Ask Dr. Zoe – How Do I Reconnect with My Disconnected Husband?

By Our Grit and Grace Life Videos / Ask Dr. Zoe, Relationships

It’s worrisome when your husband seems to have checked out—without an interest in explaining what’s on his mind. As a wife, you immediately want to know how to help without pushing him further away. Psychotherapist and relationship coach Dr. Zoe Shaw explains that allowing him the distance to process on his own time is an important first step. Tune into the video to learn what else you can do during that time to remind your husband that he has your support, no matter what.

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What It's Like on the Sidelines of Domestic Abuse

What To Do From the Sidelines of Domestic Abuse

By Allison McCormick / Health & Beauty, Purpose

I think of my sister often. Not because she’s passed away or we are estranged. I think of her because she showed me the face of courage. She taught me what it meant to be brave. When his hand slapped and beat her—she focused on her baby’s future. When he kicked and stomped her—she kept her eyes on the promise of a better day. When words cut deeper than her scars—she maintained empathy. She chose love. She endured the abuse of a mentally ill, drug-addicted husband—trapped by the fear of losing her daughter and her family. Battered and bruised, she survived. There’s More to It Than Meets the Eye I was five when my sister married, she was 17. He was her

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From Widow To Wife, Julie’s Getting Married – 145

By Smart Living with Grit and Grace / Podcast

Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Amazon Music | Android | TuneIn | RSS | MoreThis one gets personal. Co-host Julie Graham has already shared a bit of her story—a difficult childhood, married at 21, widowed at 33, and spending the last three years as a single, working mom to her spunky little boy. Back in the dating world, she discovered a gap. There wasn’t much for single Christian women wanting to date online, much less for moms. It seemed like the message was that it was wrong or unsafe, to be avoided at all costs. But, she found her way, employing the advice of a friend of the show and Licensed Therapist, Dr. Zoe Shaw. Now, she’s preparing to become Mrs.

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Ask Dr. Zoe – How Do I Break Free From Codependency?

By Dr. Zoe / Ask Dr. Zoe

‘Hoping to get Healthy’ Asked: Lately, I’ve come to terms with the fact that I struggle with codependency. I still have some shame associated with that title but I’m ready to embrace it so I can overcome it! I had a very difficult childhood, and I don’t know my Dad and I’m pretty sure both played a big role in developing these coping mechanisms. What are some tips you’d give to someone who realizes they are codependent and wants to change? Dr. Zoe Answered: There is no shame in honestly acknowledging who and what you struggle with. I’m so glad you are ready to embrace your co-dependency issues. Now, the healing can begin! Yes, you are so right that your experiences in

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I Wanted a Divorce, but God Did This Instead

By Claudia Gomez / Faith, Relationships

Most think that contemplating the D-word—divorce—especially as a woman of faith, must have been the result of this big fall in the marriage where one or the other cheated or ran off and did something that shocks everyone. Reality is, the thought of divorce can creep up and haunt you quietly for years for reasons that may seem to be minuscule. The continuous fights or disagreements on parenting, the missed opportunities to get away alone, the lack of dates, romancing, and conversations that don’t revolve around adulting, the forgotten anniversaries, the lack of excitement and pursuing of one another, the strains of work, parenting and every other responsibility, the bitterness and lack of forgiveness that builds up from a simple reply that

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Are You Fighting for Your Marriage? These Resources Can Help

By Rachel Hagstrom / Relationships

Many marriages around the world are groaning under quarantine stress. We are collectively spending more time with our spouses than many of us have in a very long time (if ever before)—some in extremely tight quarters. Personal space has completely evaporated. Sex and intimacy look different. We’re cooking several meals a day for the whole family, cleaning up more messes, balancing work with homeschooling, all the while trying to internally remind ourselves not to touch our faces—which just in itself requires a fair amount of mental energy. Problems and issues that may have been tabled pre-lockdown are now blaring and have nowhere to hide. Tensions are heightened. Every little thing from reactions, moods, expectations, responses, and emotions are all magnified. Some of

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Ask Dr. Zoe – How Can I Break Gender Roles in My Relationship?

By Dr. Zoe / Ask Dr. Zoe

‘Yolanda’ Asked: Do you have any tips on how to break gender roles. My husband and I both work yet he literally expects me to prepare 3 meals a day for him. If I don’t have dinner ready he is annoyed rude and disappointed. Although I am just as busy as he is he will not lift a finger around the house and expects me to do all the cooking and cleaning. I’m just as tired as he is, if not more and don’t know why I’m expected to do it all just because I’m a girl. Dr. Zoe Answered: Married men who do more housework have more sex. True fact. Apparently enough women are struggling with this issue, that researchers have

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Do You Expect More From Women Than Men? Should You? – 118

By Smart Living with Grit and Grace / Podcast

Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Amazon Music | Android | TuneIn | RSS | More As women, have you ever noticed how we hold men and women to different standards? In This Grit and Grace Life podcast episode, hosts Darlene and Julie have an insightful and thought-provoking conversation on the different expectations we have for each gender. When it comes to our relationships with women, we often tend to be way more “judgy” and condescending, are quick to hold grudges, and dwell on what they did or didn’t do. If they don’t stand by us, show up, and be the support system we would like them to be, we cut them off in a heartbeat without thinking twice. But

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Ask Dr. Zoe – Should I Choose My Husband Over My Son?

By Dr. Zoe / Ask Dr. Zoe

‘Wench’ Asked: I have been married for 11 years to a man that appears to have narcissistic behavior. 5 years ago because my son was smoking pot, not at the house but away from the house my husband told me I had to choose between my son or him, I was told I needed to kick my son out who was still in high school. As a mother I couldn’t do that to my son. I was told then that I could get out and take my son with me. My husband cried the day I left and begged me to stay but it would be without my son. For 5 years we have continued to see each other and as far

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Marriage Trouble