Ask Dr Zoe | Grit and Grace Life

Ask Dr. Zoe – Getting Over My Long-Lost Love

‘Honestly Unable’ Asked: Dear Dr. Zoe: I fell in love with someone as a very young girl, truly in love. My mother interfered and separated us, keeping me in the dark. I cannot seem to stop thinking of how it could have been, especially because my marriage has been difficult and my husband is distant and aloof. How do I stop thinking of what could have been, getting over a long-lost love? Please help me. Dr. Zoe Answered: I hear the pain, sadness, and loss in your voice. I’m grieved that you have gone so many years ruminating over this lost relationship. We often glorify things from our past. That relationship in your mind is untouched by the reality of life. Your […]

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Ask Dr. Zoe – Coping With Anxiety Biblically

By Dr. Zoe / Ask Dr. Zoe

‘Coping With Anxiety’ Asked: I recently realized the extent to which I have struggled with anxiety all my life. What are some healthy, Biblical coping mechanisms I can use when anxiety and panic set in? Dr. Zoe Answered: Dear Coping With Anxiety, What I love about Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is that it is completely Biblical. The Bible says, and modern CBT research has proven, that getting control over your thoughts is the best and most efficacious treatment for anxiety (and depression). The Bible tells us whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy, think about those things and the God of peace will be with you

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Ask Dr. Zoe – How Can I Prepare My Kids for Back to School?

By Dr. Zoe / Ask Dr. Zoe, Motherhood

‘Motivated Mama’ Asked: School is just about to start here in our neck of the woods. My anxiety level is slowly growing each day because I am a motivated mama who likes the kids to be prepared for the transition. We have four school-aged children (ages 5, 9, 12 and 16) all of whom seem to be clinging to summer and uninterested in going back to school. What are some of your best tips for making the transition from summer vacation to back to school with your children? Dr. Zoe Answered: Can you really blame your kids? Long, lazy summer days, no school work… Summer was made to cherish! But school time is quickly zooming here, and it’s time to get prepared.

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Ask Dr. Zoe – Can I Detach from My Aggressive, Disrespectful Teenage Son?

By Dr. Zoe / Ask Dr. Zoe

‘Mamma b’ Asked: My son’s dad is a malignant narcissist and has been a terrible co-parent. […] Before puberty we were so close, then I had four years of heartbreak. My mum abandoned me (also a narcissist). I thought if I got away from the toxic situation as a baby but still allowed him to see his dad, then he would be okay. But for the past year he has been triggering my PTSD from a lifetime of narcissistic abuse. I felt like I was back with his dad: the lying, the manipulation, the complete lack of empathy even though I’ve taught him ? It could just be a teenage thing; he’s 15 and I think he has daddy issues. I had

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Ask Dr. Zoe – What Steps Can I Take to Stop Feeling Overwhelmed?

By Dr. Zoe / Ask Dr. Zoe

‘Over Feeling Overwhelmed’ Asked: Dr. Zoe, Whenever I feel overwhelmed, I just want to give up. There have been things in my life (like chronic illness) that have helped me develop more grit. I now know that I can keep going if I have to, but my first reaction to feeling overwhelmed is usually wanting to quit (if possible). It’s like I just want to escape. I have learned a couple things, like telling myself if I have gotten through the things I’ve gotten through, then I can do this, too. Also, reminding myself to chunk things down into smaller steps helps. I think I see the big, overwhelming thing and feel like it’s impossible to figure out… so just doing one

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Ask Dr. Zoe – How Can I Connect More With My Teen Stepdaughter?

By Dr. Zoe / Ask Dr. Zoe

‘Jan’ Asked: How do I even begin to connect with my teen stepdaughter? She is 15-years-old and disrespectful to her mom and me… Having already raised five of my own, I don’t have much patience for her entitlement and laziness. She is involved in many activities like show choir and cheerleading but truly her attitude is horrid… I understand life is not easy and she wants to fit in… The only time she is nice is when she wants me to buy her something. Her mom doesn’t know what to do with her and often gives in because she doesn’t want to fight. My husband has severe health issues and is firm, but quiet… So then she just stays in her room.

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Ask Dr. Zoe – Should I Stay in My Marriage at the Cost of My Happiness?

By Dr. Zoe / Ask Dr. Zoe

‘Languishing in London’ asked: Hi Dr. Zoe, I am currently in an unfortunate (self-induced) situation and am in need of clarity. I have a difficult decision I must make, one in which will affect several people’s lives in a hurtful way— regardless which path I take. With that, I will dive in. I have been in the same committed relationship practically my entire adult life. We have two children together and the youngest will be 19 this year. The word committed is used loosely here. We have not been good to each other in different ways. I have been unfaithful and he is unwilling to meet me halfway in terms of our financial wellbeing. I remain fiscally responsible for the lion’s share

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Ask Dr. Zoe – How Can I Parent with More Authority?

By Dr. Zoe / Ask Dr. Zoe

‘Struggling to Lead My Kids’ asked: Hi, Dr. Zoe, I have a 5- and 3-year-old and I already see how my kids run me over in a lot of ways. They listen to their dad and respect him much more than me. When it’s just me at home with them, they speak to me and treat me much differently (worse) than when he’s around. I wonder if it’s partly because they’re more comfortable with me since I’m always home with them. But I’m also sure a lot of this is because I struggle with saying no and sticking to boundaries. I’ve always been more of a follower than a leader, and I see my struggle to be a strong leader of my

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Ask Dr. Zoe – How Can I Get a Promotion at Work?

By Dr. Zoe / Ask Dr. Zoe

‘Want a Promotion’ Asked: One of my goals for this year is to get a promotion. What’s the number one thing I can do to get noticed at work and prove to my boss he should promote me? I hate talking about myself but I know I’m good at my job and I’m valued in the workplace. Dr. Zoe Answered: I love working with women to help them get promotions! What better time than the new year to go after that promotion! There isn’t just one main thing that can lead to the promotion of your dreams. It’s a combination of things. So, I will give you the top ones: The most important thing to understand is that your value at work

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Ask Dr. Zoe – How Do I Leave Last Year Behind and Start Fresh?

By Dr. Zoe / Ask Dr. Zoe

‘Leaving the Past Behind’ Asked: Last year was emotionally draining, and I’m afraid I will carry all the stress, anxiety and tension into this year. Is there anything I can do to leave the past behind me and start fresh? Dr. Zoe Answered: Whenever someone says to me that they are worried, fearful or unsure about what they will choose to do in the future, I always stop them mid-sentence. I don’t even want to hear the rest—so stop! You are the only person in this world who controls you. You can hope and worry and wonder about everyone else’s behavior in this world except your own. You get to choose your own thoughts, behaviors, actions and ultimately your life. When you

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Ask Dr. Zoe – How Do We Teach Our Kids Compassion in a Culture So Divided?

By Dr. Zoe / Ask Dr. Zoe, Best Of

‘Concerned but Hopeful’ Asked: Dr. Zoe, As a mother and grandmother, I feel we are in uncharted territory in our culture. The innocence of children seems to be robbed from them in the world they live in, through every medium and outside influence they encounter. I believe that we can not nor should escape the culture in which we live, isolating ourselves from everyone that we disagree. But how do we as parents and grandparents protect while we prepare this young generation? How do we help them develop standards and integrity while instilling compassion and understanding within them? I think most mothers and grandmothers could sure use some guidance. Dr. Zoe Answered: I’m glad to hear that you are hopeful. Our children

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Ask Dr. Zoe – How Do I Defend My Kids from their Strict Stepfather?

By Dr. Zoe / Ask Dr. Zoe

‘Mother of 4’ Asked: Hello, I have been battling this for quite some time and just can’t seem to make a decision. My fiancé and stepfather to my children has a problem with everything my kids do, whether it’s coming down the stairs too hard, leaving pancake wrappers in the freezer with the other pancakes, not fully picking up after themselves, where they eat, if they leave little food crumbs on their desks, if their computers are too loud, if they are talking with their friends online and he can hear it, if they don’t say ‘hi’ or ‘bye’ etc… I’m literally going crazy. He doesn’t want to be their father but he wants to teach them how to be young men.

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Ask Dr. Zoe – I Struggle Making Decisions—Can I Get Over This?

By Dr. Zoe / Ask Dr. Zoe

‘Paralyzed by Indecision’ Asked: Dr. Zoe, I’ve always struggled with making decisions, both big and small. I’ve noticed this is a pattern in my family…both my mother and grandmother are the same way. I’ve gotten a little better, recognizing that indecision leaves me feeling paralyzed and telling myself that I can always re-adjust if a decision isn’t ideal. Why do you think making decisions feels so painful? I genuinely hate making them. And that frustrates me about myself because I know it’s not a big deal most of the time! What are some tips or things I can tell myself to work on this? Thank you! Dr. Zoe Answered: You hit the nail on the head when you mentioned the multigenerational pattern

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Ask Dr. Zoe – My Boyfriend Retracted His Proposal—What Do I Do Now?

By Dr. Zoe / Ask Dr. Zoe, Audio Articles

‘Debra’ Asked: I am a widow; I’ve been seeing him for nine months. He asked me to marry him a couple of times joking around and I just didn’t respond because I thought it was joking. However, he proposed the last week of February and I just stood there staring with no response. He caught me off guard. They was a lot of commotion going on at the job, so I didn’t answer him right away. Later I said I loved him and I would marry him but he said I didn’t answer him when he asked so he got his answer then. I told him I loved him and wanted to marry him and he said it didn’t work that way

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Ask Dr. Zoe – How Do I Create Better Boundaries with My Boyfriend and His Daughter?

By Dr. Zoe / Ask Dr. Zoe

‘Marie’ Asked: How can I set up boundaries without generating turmoil between my boyfriend’s adult daughter who is 25 and myself? Her Dad always takes her side and she rules him/us when she comes and visits. Thank you, Dr Zoe. Dr. Zoe Answered: It seems to me that you need to create better boundaries with two people—your boyfriend and his daughter. It’s ironic that I often get the question, “how can I create boundaries without hurting someone’s feelings or without upsetting someone?” This is the very crux of the issue for pleasers. They are more concerned about upsetting anyone than they are about caring for themselves. As long as that remains the case, your boundaries will stay low. Unfortunately, setting boundaries upsets

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Ask Dr. Zoe – My Step-Daughter Is Acting Out and I’m Ready to Give Up!

By Dr. Zoe / Ask Dr. Zoe

‘crvntsfam3’ Asked: Good afternoon; I’m a 39-year-old woman and my fiance is a 50-year-old man. I have four children from a previous relationship and he has one daughter (E). It is uncommon (but becoming more common) that his daughter lives with us. She is 10 and her mom left after dropping her off for her first day of kinder. She was constantly unfaithful and had/has no desire to be a mother. She hardly ever calls and never comes to visit (she lives around 700 miles away). I’ve been in E’s life for four years now and we are experiencing some growing pains recently. She has developed a lying habit and most recently, stealing from me. Now, don’t get me wrong, if she

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Ask Dr. Zoe – My Friend Exhibits Hurtful, Toxic Behavior. Can I Help Her?

By Dr. Zoe / Ask Dr. Zoe

‘Meg the Muse’ Asked: Dear Dr. Zoe, My friend of 17 years behaves in strange, hurtful ways and I don’t know whether these things could indicate some sort of personality disorder or trauma. She gives the silent treatment, pushes her friends away, accuses other people of being out to get her or of disrespecting her boundaries without saying what those boundaries are, love bombs people and then cuts them off, holds grudges, cries and is embarrassed easily, has unrealistic standards and won’t accept criticism. This has been a pattern for many years now. She still lives with her parents, hasn’t dated in 5 years and refuses to step out of her comfort zone even a little bit. I love her and want

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