When Is It Time to Let Your Kids Quit?

It wasn’t a missed play that made my son want to quit; it was the sinking feeling he got before every practice. Somewhere along the way, the game he used to love turned into a weight that he carried.

At first, he played because he loved it. He loved the perfectly cut grass, the sharp lines, the thrill of playing the game with his friends, and the way his coach yelled at him when he messed up but followed it up with insight, instruction, and encouragement.

But over time, that excitement shifted. A new coach took over, and that connection was gone.

He kept showing up, not because his heart was in it but because, as he later told me, he felt it was expected. Expected by his team, his friends, maybe even by me. Quitting would mean letting people down. So, as a new season began, he began too, even though the spark he once had had gone out.

My son needed more than drills and scoreboards. He needed to be seen, and not just for his performance. He needed to know that it was OK to step away from something that no longer gave him joy. For him, sports needed to be more than a game. He needs to know that he is known, valued, and cared for.

And perhaps I needed a reminder that quitting could be OK too.

When Is It Time to Let Your Kids Quit?

I grew up hearing “never quit” as some sort of mantra or badge of honor. And yes, sometimes it is important to persevere through life’s difficulties. It can lead to resilience, and it builds strength and character. But there are also times where quitting isn’t weakness. It’s wisdom. Sometimes the bravest thing is to walk away from something that no longer serves us or who we are becoming.

When I finally gave my son permission to stop playing, I watched him relax. He wasn’t relieved because he was getting out of something hard. No. He was relieved because he was free of something that stopped bringing him joy.

It’s not that he doesn’t like hard work. He chooses the 8 a.m. swim practices that kick his butt instead of the 5 p.m. practice that might get interrupted by storms. He can’t wait to get to the track, even though he actually hates to run. He is still challenged. He still pushes his limits. He laughs with his teammates, celebrates every personal best, and comes home exhausted—but proud.

That is the difference. It is not about avoiding difficulty, but finding the kind of hard that can grow you without draining you.

As parents, we get to model that too. I have done the same thing—walked away from jobs or people that drained me and instead chose what gave me life. We need to show our kids that it is not quitting when you choose growth, health, or job. It is changing direction.

So if your child has lost a love for a sport or hobby, I would encourage you to pause before pushing them to stick it out for the sake of not quitting. Instead, take the time to probe them and find out what’s draining them. Ask what would push them and make them feel alive. Then go help them find it. Even if it means letting go of something you once thought they would love forever.

Sometimes the win isn’t about the scoreboard or pushing through. Sometimes it is watching your child grow as they chase something that sets their heart on fire.

(Photo by Pexels/Kampus Production)

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As your child grows, you’ll continue to learn what helps them excel, and similarly, what their stressors are. If you have a pre-teen, chances are you’re seeing some newer behaviors and responses emerging. Here’s how to meet them where they are: 7 Essential Tips to Relieve Middle School Anxiety