I always expected motherhood to be a major purpose of my life. When I would play MASH with my friends, I always listed multiple kids. Adulthood saw me going from “yes motherhood” to “maybe” to “I don’t know.”
I was still unsure when my husband and I decided to expand our family, and I was thrilled to find that joy overshadowed everything once I got pregnant.
That is, until the baby came.
She had colic and didn’t nap for the first few months. I struggled with postpartum anxiety and depression. When my daughter was six months old, I was diagnosed with thyroid cancer.
At the same time, many of my friends were reveling in motherhood and sweet infant snuggles. Some expressed how motherhood was the life purpose they hadn’t known they were missing. It completed them. I still wondered, occasionally, if having a baby was a mistake.
Is Motherhood My Purpose?
Let me be clear: I’ve always loved my daughter. I wouldn’t trade her for anything. But she was not a magical solution to the question of purpose in my life. While some women may be 100% created to be mothers, and others 100% created not to be mothers, I fall into the middle category of women who could go either way. I’ve come to understand that, for me, motherhood is not my purpose. However, motherhood is a way that I accomplish my purpose.
Our purpose is to make image bearers. To help others reflect God. We are called to discipleship. For me, and many others, this begins in our own homes with our children. We have a responsibility to raise our children in accordance with God’s word as best as we can.
All my life, it’s seemed like Christianity prized a calling or purpose. We must all do something for God. He has good works ready, we just have to find them.
We are presented with right and wrong choices throughout our lives. The decisions we make direct the course of our lives. However, equally true is that God’s plans for us cannot be lost. When I understand that my purpose is discipleship, furthering God’s kingdom here on this earth, everything I do bears a sense of purpose.
4 Ways to Recenter Our Purpose When We’re Drowning In Motherhood
The Old Testament has several charges to teach our children God’s character and His ways (Deuteronomy 6:11; Proverbs 22:6). And while it is crucial to instill this knowledge into our children from a young age, God has given us an abundance of ways to live out our purpose and point our children to Him. As we look for ways to point our children to God through everyday life, we find ourselves knowing Him more, too.
When we catch ourselves drowning in motherhood (and we all do), here are some gentle ways to refocus on our purpose of making image bearers without adding more to our plates.
1. Embrace wonder.
I can’t be the only one who finds myself taking God’s creativity and love for granted. When I step into my daughter’s sense of wonder, I pause to appreciate the beauty God gave us and how it all stems from love.
God created all these things to show His glory, yes, but also for us to enjoy and appreciate. We don’t have to go out for a hike or plan a trip to the nearest national park to sit in wonder. The neighborhood park or even your own yard will do. Find something interesting to show your child and then thank God out loud for creating such interesting and beautiful things for you to enjoy.
2. Embrace service.
As much as we might dislike acknowledging it, having to work is not the result of sin. In the Garden of Eden, God gave Adam and Eve tasks to do. Knowing that God designed us to serve and care for our families—biological, found, or otherwise—has helped me find fulfillment in chores and work (at least some of the time).
Thinking of cleaning, laundry, cooking, or whatever your least favorite chore is as service to your family is a subtle but powerful mindset shift. But we can also use it as a springboard for conversations with our kids, inviting them to also serve the family with joy instead of complaints.
3. Embrace compassion.
Our children (and nieces, nephews, grandchildren, and other kids and youth in our lives) will copy what we model. Choosing to be compassionate in our words and actions throughout the day is a powerful way to teach grace and empathy, while also cultivating a culture of peace within our lives and homes.
Instead of calling the person who cut you off a bad name, say a quick prayer that if they are rushing for an emergency, God would help them. Instead of berating a cashier who made a mistake, acknowledge that mistakes happen to everyone. Instead of ranting about someone who did something wrong to you, make a vocal choice to forgive them, regardless of whether they asked for it.
4. Embrace an open door.
The reality is, not every child has someone pointing them to Jesus. When we embrace an open front door, making sure our kids and their friends know they are welcome and wanted, we can step into the gap and make sure they know that they are made in God’s image. An extra table setting or an extra stop on the way home are small efforts to make when it means someone can meet Jesus.
The list could go on and on with other ways we can point our children to Jesus, both in everyday life and through outside activities. Teaching our children God’s word is only one part of the equation. We also have to teach them how to apply it and live it. We can find purpose in motherhood not because it’s the one and only thing we were created for, but because of all the ways we can experience God while we pursue our children in discipleship.
How to Leave A Purposeful Legacy
But what the women in my family have passed down (and continue to pass down) is a legacy of hospitality and discipleship. To the world, it may seem like a quiet legacy. But as we celebrated their lives, time and again, people stood up to tell how my mom or my grandma had welcomed them in. With open homes and open hearts, they loved on so many people outside their own families.
In a world that would call them (and us) “just moms,” they left a powerful legacy of people who know and live the truth because of the mothering they did. They left this world without knowing how many seeds they planted and watered. They discipled people to the best of their abilities and left the results to God.
Maybe you’ve always dreamed of motherhood, and you’re walking in fulfillment now.
Maybe you’re unsure if it’s for you.
Maybe you know it’s not.
Maybe you long for it, but it hasn’t happened yet.
Take heart and remember that everything we do is unto the Lord. Whether diapering or dreaming, our purpose is to make image bearers of God.
