| The Grit and Grace Project

Ask Dr. Zoe – Are These Pre-Wedding Jitters or Marriage Red Flags?

‘Ginny Girl’ Asked: My fiance told me a few things that hurt me really bad a few days after the engagement. I gave him a few weeks time, patiently tried to convince him in my way, even went on a day’s trip to make him feel more relaxed thinking he’s probably having his jitters because we were quite fine before the event I felt and I just couldn’t understand why his behavior changed suddenly. I told his parents about this. They intervened too and tried to convince him to stay but still he was only getting worse with time and I finally decided to let my parents know of his dilemma because it worried me to see them run around preparing for […]

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If You Wait for Marriage, Will Your Sex Life Be Boring?

By Dr. Zoe / Best Of, Relationships

So, a client got me thinking. He was discussing waiting until marriage to have sex. He expressed his respect for that choice, but also his concern as a dating, single male. He said, “What if I marry her and then find out that we are not sexually compatible?” I can certainly understand his concern. Some people would say, well, if you have never had sex before, you won’t know any difference and it won’t matter. But the majority of people who are abstinent are re-committing to abstinence (some coming out of marriages). They’ve had prior sexual experiences and are worried about sexual compatibility because, well, they actually will know the difference. So, I decided to do some research into this issue, realizing it is one that many couples are facing. In part, the idea

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Ask Dr. Zoe – Stuck in a Love Triangle: My Man, His Ex and His Child

By Dr. Zoe / Ask Dr. Zoe

‘Toxic Triangle’ Asked: I often feel like my partner is not giving me my place in this toxic triangle of a relationship. I love him very much. I feel like he’s put up with his ex (mother of his children) for so long that he’s become accustomed to her BS and in return, I feel I don’t get the respect I need and the boundaries I set keep getting crossed. She is constantly dangling his daughter in from of him like a piece of meat to get her way all the time because she knows he will always take the bait. It’s frustrating for me to see this happening and when she disrespects me I don’t feel he backs me up. What

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How to Avoid Relationship Conflict Over the Holidays – 111

By Smart Living with Grit and Grace / Podcast

Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Amazon Music | Android | TuneIn | RSS | MoreThe holiday season is full of wonder, hope, and love. But, it can also be a season full of stress, pain and emotional agony. The holidays bring so much “togetherness”. Yes, this “togetherness” can be an amazing opportunity to spend quality time with our loved ones and create meaningful memories, but it can also cause conflict and become way too stressful to actually enjoy. In this episode of This Grit and Grace Life podcast, hosts Darlene and Julie have a much-needed chat about this topic. They discuss how to avoid relationship conflict during the holiday season. This can apply to any important relationship in your life, whether

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Ask Dr. Zoe – Dating With Daddy Issues, What Are the Pitfalls?

By Dr. Zoe / Ask Dr. Zoe

‘NotDaddysGirl’ Asked: I grew up never knowing my biological dad and over the last few years, I’ve started to let myself feel the hurt and sadness that it caused me. I am now a single mom dating again and I want to be aware of the pitfalls that this absence might cause to make sure I make a healthy choice in a future partner/father for my child. Dr. Zoe Answered: The best gift we can give ourselves is to know our deficits well. The fact that you are aware of the effect that your absent father can have on your parenting puts you a step ahead. Women who have grown up with absent fathers often make the mistake of being impressed by

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This Is What a Well-Loved Woman Feels

By Carolyn Gordon / Best Of, Relationships

My 18-year-old self perked up when the college tour guide dropped the statistic, “We are ranked number four in Most Likely To Find Your Future Spouse Here.” Say no more, sign me up! Soon, visions of walking around the ivy and brick walkways in that North Carolina college, arm in arm with my Southern gentleman quickly filled my mind. I was done with the “frogs“… the cool guy in high school who prided himself on kissing a girl from every page in the high school yearbook, the guy with the cool car and cheesy pick-up lines. I didn’t want to date for the sake of dating. I wanted to be wooed. Then it happened, I laid eyes on a Southern boy, was

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5-tips-for-how-to-re-enter-the-dating-world

5 Tips for When You Want to Re-Enter the Dating World

By Shannon Degarmo / Relationships

Dating can be hard for anyone—the thought of doing it again after having a rough go of it might seem daunting. However, you have the chance to make it into a positive experience this time around. After all, we’ve become wiser with age and have certainly learned a few lessons, right? Here are a few tips that I focused on when I was ready to date again after my divorce: 1. Make sure you are healed from past broken relationships. It takes time to overcome the effects of a painful divorce. And, the best part is, you’ve got a lot of time. You can’t really give yourself fully to another person if you are a splintered spirit. Allow yourself the time it takes to walk

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Want to Be a Strong Woman? Set Healthy Boundaries – 103

By Smart Living with Grit and Grace / Podcast

Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Amazon Music | Android | TuneIn | RSS | More Healthy relationships require healthy boundaries. But do you struggle to know what they are? Whether we’re talking with a friend, significant other, family member, or stranger, boundaries matter! And sadly, healthy ones are not taught; most often, we learn that we need them when the relationships we find ourselves in begin to hurt us. Having pondered this, co-hosts Darlene Brock and Julie Graham discuss why boundaries are important. They focus on four types you need and how to begin implementing them in your life. Setting these boundaries will require grit and grace, but take heart; you can do it! This episode will serve you well in all

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Ask Dr. Zoe – How Do I Move on From a Broken Relationship?

By Dr. Zoe / Ask Dr. Zoe, Relationships

‘Rudderless After A Relationship’ Asked: I have been in a long term relationship with my fiance’. He proved himself unable to commit and now I am trying to move on. I want him to realize how he much he hurt me and cost me but he refuses to. He thinks saying I’m sorry is enough but doesn’t want to change anything. I have physically moved on but need to find a way to emotionally move forward without him even though the hurt remains. Dr. Zoe Answered: I am very sorry that you are going through a tough break up. I’m also sorry that you haven’t really broken up yet. Let me explain: you say you are moving on, but you are clearly

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Great Sex—What Is It?

By Darlene Brock / Relationships, Best Of

There seems to be an unending list of articles on the subject of sex, from espousing general attitudes to detailing specific acts. Interesting though many of them are, I believe there is often one missing detail. The basis of great sex is not physical; it is relational. A satisfying sex life is based upon sharing your life and your heart, not just your bed. We have within us a quiet barometer, which, if listened to, will help us sort out truth from theory. There is an inner voice in all of us that speaks sometimes faintly, other times with urgency. It’s a voice we should listen to. When having sex for the first time, that voice will often speak to our fear,

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what to do when you've been ghosted in dating

5 Ways to Handle Being Ghosted With Grit and Grace

By Jamie Hill / Faith

If you grew up in a household like mine, anything that had to do with ghost, ghouls, or goblins were immediately rebuked. My mom didn’t believe in ghosts per se, but she did believe in bad spirits and protecting her children from them. I only wish that my mom knew then that when I got older, I would face a different type of “ghosting” so she could have helped prepare me. To give you a greater perspective, think of the longest crush you’ve ever had; no, longer than that. Mine was exactly seven years long. I can remember logging into my Facebook account on Mother’s Day weekend 2018, and there it was, the long-awaited direct message one could only hope for. The guy

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Ask Dr. Zoe – He Asked Me to Marry Him Now He Won’t Set a Date

By Dr. Zoe / Ask Dr. Zoe

‘Dawn’ Asked: After my boyfriend and I had been together a year, one night while we were spending alone time together he looked at me and asked: “Will you marry me”? There was no ring, just the question. I asked “Are you really proposing?” and he said “Just answer the question…”, but I said, “I’m not answering it unless this is a real proposal”. He continued to ask and insisted that this is a real proposal. I ended up saying yes. I was elated and wanted to tell my best friend but he asked me not to say anything until he could afford a ring. I was a little crushed. So, the next day I asked since you don’t want me saying

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What Today’s Dating Scene is Really Like – 094

By Smart Living with Grit and Grace / Podcast

Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Amazon Music | Android | TuneIn | RSS | MoreAre you dating or do you have a friend who is? If you haven’t been in the dating world for the last decade, the cultural shift that has hit will leave your head spinning. For those who are currently single, we realize you’re going to face challenges your married friends may not understand. In this episode, co-hosts Darlene Brock (happily married for several decades) and Julie Graham (widowed after 11 years of marriage to her college sweetheart….and currently dating) talk through some of the stereotypes in the dating scene. First, they discuss how to know if you’re ready to date. Then, Darlene gets Julie’s inside scoop on

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3 Things That the Movies Got Wrong About Love

By Joyell Nevins / Life & Culture, Relationships

Ice cream, popcorn, wine or tea (depending on your preference), and your favorite romantic lead: the perfect recipe for entertainment. I personally was a sucker for Leo and still am for Hugh Grant and Jude Law—that British accent gets me every time. Whether you’re with your best girlfriend or it’s just you and the boob tube, a chick flick night is a favorite event of the feminine side of our culture (it permeates the male side too; they’re just less quick to admit it). But what I have discovered it is not, is a recipe for real life. Some of our favorite scenes and classic lines are actually the opposite of the truth. When we search for love or model our relationships after what

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This Is How to Know How Many Dates to Give Him

Here’s a Quick Way to Know If You Should Keep Dating Him

By Joycelyn Harrington / Relationships

“All the single ladies. All the single ladies. All the single ladies, now put your hands up!” Most of us have heard this now infamous song whether playing it on our iPod after a breakup or at a wedding when it’s time for the bouquet toss. This single ladies anthem by Beyonce is a catchy and empowering song that makes you want to dance and fully embrace the freedom of being single. The freedom of being able to choose who we want to date, when we want to date, and what criteria qualifies or disqualifies a date that progresses into a relationship and eventually marriage. Did you notice the keywords in the paragraph above? Freedom and choice. Yes, girl, we have the

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4 Things You Need to Know About Pre-Wedding Jitters

By Dr. Zoe / Relationships

Getting married is one of the biggest decisions you will ever make because it really is life-changing. As well as you might know the person to whom you’re pledging your love and loyalty—for better or worse—you simply cannot know what your future will hold (try as you might). Of course, you have hopes and dreams and can imagine what your life together might be like… But you cannot be certain. And uncertainty can make the best of us a bit jittery, especially as the big day draws closer and everything becomes more real. Many women wonder if these feelings during their engagement are red flags. Is it normal to feel this way or is there something wrong in the relationship? Should you be

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Ask Dr. Zoe – I Take the Blame in My Relationship

By Dr. Zoe / Ask Dr. Zoe

‘Confused’ Asked: I’ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend for a long time now, and every time we fight I never get angry with him. I only blame myself and put all of our issues on me. I never get angry or upset with him, just with myself. I just want some help and insight into these kinds of insecurities. Dr. Zoe Answered: I’m so glad you recognize that you have some insecurity issues. Although this may be the first time you are noticing, I am positive it’s not a new issue in your life. Even if he is unfairly blaming you, there is a reason why you are collaborating in this with him. Where did you develop this pattern of

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