| The Grit and Grace Project

Ask Dr. Zoe – I’ve Grown Up, Should I Apologize for My Immature Past?

‘Annie’ Asked: Hi Dr. Zoe, In the process of healing from my childhood trauma, I’m learning how disordered my actions were and how unhealthy my attachments were when I was in my late teens/early 20’s. I can see now more clearly where my behaviors came from but I can’t help but feel so ashamed of how I acted in my relationships with friends during that time. These people are no longer close friends but are still acquaintances via social media. There is a part of me that always wants to share with them how I’m sorry how I acted during that time and how I recognize ways where I was overly clingy or if I acted inappropriately, but I also don’t know […]

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Ask Dr. Zoe – How Do I Trust a Good Relationship After Past Betrayals?

By Dr. Zoe / Ask Dr. Zoe

‘CCinSAV’ Asked: How do I learn to trust more in my current relationship after being betrayed or abandoned in past relationships? Backstory: I’m married to a wonderful, loving man now… but I still often struggle to trust him (or others in my life) because I’ve been “burned” by several others in my past, both past-boyfriends and former friends. Any practical tips on ways to build trust or help me to renew my mind/heart so that I am more trusting instead of always fearful of being hurt? Dr. Zoe Answered: You don’t need to work on building trust in him, you need to work on demolishing your wall and trusting yourself. When you trust yourself, you don’t need to be so concerned with

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When You Want to Break Free of Your Past – 130

By Smart Living with Grit and Grace / Podcast

Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Amazon Music | Android | TuneIn | RSS | More There’s no escaping this truth: we all have a past. How we let it shape us, well, that’s up to us. Will we decide to take the drama, trauma, hurt, and heartache and allow it to harden us? Or, will we learn from our struggles and choose to face them with both grit and grace? It takes grit to face the hurt that may feel constant. It takes grace for ourselves (rejecting shame and guilt) and grace for others (extending forgiveness where we find freedom). In this episode, Darlene Brock probes into co-host Julie Graham’s difficult childhood, asking honest questions about the challenges she faced. With

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Our Struggles Are Different, but His Grace Is Equal

By Jana Bishop Cook / Faith

Several years ago, I walked into a worship center in Tennessee. I was there visiting someone else, so with a heavy heart and thin faith I took my seat. To say I was broken is an understatement. I was shattered. To say I was lost doesn’t come close to where I was spiritually, physically, and emotionally. As I came into the hall and sat down, I noticed a young woman behind me. The music began and we sang the opening hymn before the greeting. After the song I turned to say hello to her, and as I did she held onto my hand. I mean, she had it in a death grip. I drank her in for a moment. Pale complexion, stringy

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Why You Need to Forgive When Forgiveness Seems Impossible

By Cherie Shaw / Faith

If you aren’t sure of what a charged word looks like, consider the word forgiveness. If forgiveness was a door it would be the one to the messiest closet in the whole house. It might even have a hard time closing or staying shut. And if you dared to open it, all the stuff would tumble right out onto the floor. Then you would wonder where it all came from and why it’s in there and what you’re supposed to do with all that junk that’s just sitting in a heap. Somehow you would find the strength to either squish it all back in or actually take the time to toss it all out. Either way, it’s going to be hard and

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I Cheated: How Grace Changed My Marriage for Better

My Affair: How Grace Changed My Marriage for Better

By Sarah Beth Wright / HerStory, Relationships

Sitting on the side of the tub in my parents’ bathroom, I stared at the two lines on the pregnancy test. I felt numb. I felt scared. I felt ashamed. What was I going to tell my husband? It was not his. The last few years had been full of tragedy and chaos for our family. During this time, there was a disconnect in my marriage that we were not able to address at the time. My husband, Josh, was in an accident and because of this he was diagnosed with a Traumatic Brain Injury and PTSD. I hit my very lowest point in life. I felt I had lost the man I married. My husband, who was once outgoing and full of life,

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Want to Be a Strong Woman? Set Healthy Boundaries – 103

By Smart Living with Grit and Grace / Podcast

Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Amazon Music | Android | TuneIn | RSS | More Healthy relationships require healthy boundaries. But do you struggle to know what they are? Whether we’re talking with a friend, significant other, family member, or stranger, boundaries matter! And sadly, healthy ones are not taught; most often, we learn that we need them when the relationships we find ourselves in begin to hurt us. Having pondered this, co-hosts Darlene Brock and Julie Graham discuss why boundaries are important. They focus on four types you need and how to begin implementing them in your life. Setting these boundaries will require grit and grace, but take heart; you can do it! This episode will serve you well in all

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Ask Dr. Zoe – How Can We Restore the Trust in Our Relationship?

By Dr. Zoe / Ask Dr. Zoe, Relationships

‘Troubled Wife’ Asked: I continue to have heated exchanges with my spouse. I am finally realizing that it’s about a lack of trust. Dr. Zoe, when the trust is gone from a relationship, is it truly over or is there any way to salvage it? Dr. Zoe Answered: Not necessarily. Trust can be re-gained if both of you are determined and the foundation of the relationship is strong enough. Without trust, a relationship can hobble along, but it won’t be a healthy one. Only you two decide when it is truly over. Rebuilding Trust Requires 3 Things These 3 things must be present if trust has a chance to be restored: 1. Remorse and an ability to convince you of it. If

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5 Tips for Mending Fences in Your Relationships

By Darlene Brock / Relationships

It’s a great time to mend fences. Not the ones in the back 40 of the ranch where very few of us currently live; I’m talking about the fences that are in need of repair between us. The damaged or broken relationships we all experience. Admittedly, there are relationships that are beyond repair, but most of the time that’s not the case. So ask yourself, do you really want to be 90 years old, comfortable in your lift chair, remembering a relationship you once had? Pondering the friend you lost because of anger over something you can no longer recall? The sibling rivalry you never outgrew? Or, the parent you walked away from? Probably not. So how do you manage this repair process before the knees give out

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This Is How to Handle a Hard Relationship With Your Mom – 089

By Smart Living with Grit and Grace / Podcast

Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Amazon Music | Android | TuneIn | RSS | MoreEvery mother-daughter relationship is unique. While some inspire the prose written in a Hallmark card, others can be much more challenging. Knowing this (and having their own complicated mother-daughter stories), Darlene Brock and Julie Graham devote this episode to the woman who might not have that picture-perfect relationship. Daughters, if your mom can be harsh, distant, controlling, neglectful, or absent, this episode is for you. In this real-life discussion, you’ll learn how to set healthy boundaries and how to take steps toward healing your relationship (you’ll also hear real examples from Darlene and Julie’s lives). Maybe your relationship lacks mama-drama, but listen anyway; this might be a

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This Is How to Overcome Toxic Emotions After Divorce

By Joycelyn Harrington / Relationships

There are few things in life that can vigorously shake a person’s whole world, leaving them flailing about like a fish out of water. Can you picture what that looks like? It’s sad to witness: this once flourishing animal dancing in the water, confident in who it is and what it’s made for, until the atmosphere that gave it this confidence is taken away. Experiencing divorce leaves us feeling like that fish. Flailing about as the anguish of knowing familial death is certain and you have no idea if or when someone will put you back in the water. Picking and choosing which emotion you allow to be present and which emotion to suppress with each physical, verbal, and child-related transaction. Divorce

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Ask Dr. Zoe – Help! My Mother Makes Infertility Even Harder

By Dr. Zoe / Ask Dr. Zoe, Relationships

‘In Waiting’ Asked: As my husband and I dive deep into our 6th year of infertility we continue to struggle with an insensitive, narcissistic mother/mother-in-law. Going forward how do we not only manage our heartbreak, but our broken relationship with her as well? Dr. Zoe Answered: These are two very big issues! Your narcissistic mother-in-law is a continual part of your relationship and family life. Your infertility is a journey. You mentioned that your relationship with your mother-in-law is broken. I’m not surprised. It’s very hard to have an intact, healthy relationship with someone who is truly narcissistic. So for the purpose of the question, I will address your relationship with your mother-in-law in the context of your infertility. It’s often disappointing

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Ask Dr. Zoe – My Boyfriend Has Hurt Me, Should I Forgive Him?

By Dr. Zoe / Ask Dr. Zoe

‘Meg’ Asked: There has been a mixture of all kinds of hurt in a long term dating relationship and trying to extend grace and to have true forgiveness after the hurt. What are some good ways to do that in a healthy way without being walked all over? Dr. Zoe Answered: You may not like this answer, and some may not agree, but dating shouldn’t be this hard. You are in a long-term relationship, which I assume is at least a couple of years. He has hurt you many times. You indicate that you feel that he may take advantage of your extension of grace and forgiveness towards him. What I’m wondering is why you haven’t ended it? It sounds to me

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Ask Dr. Zoe – How Do I Learn From My Role in a Breakup?

By Dr. Zoe / Ask Dr. Zoe

‘Just Thinking’ Asked: How do you analyze past relationships in which you’ve been hurt a lot, but analyze them to see if you actually had a part or caused some of the issues? It’s hard to get past your personal bias, how can you do that? Dr. Zoe Answered: Most people never do this! We all assume that we were right and our partner was wrong. Although that feels good, there’s no growth in that. So kudos to you for looking at this. First, you must always assume that you had a part in it. Blaming the other person stunts your growth. I don’t care how small your part was, it was there. Relationships don’t happen in a vacuum. Sometimes your part

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Can You Forgive When There’s No Apology?

By Jessica Harris / Relationships

It can be hard to forgive sometimes, especially when the hurt is great or when the offender doesn’t even say they are sorry. But there is a power that comes in being able to forgive, even when we never get an apology. Most of us are taught to apologize from a young age. We bite a sibling, pull the cat’s tail, or push down a classmate, and some well-meaning adult intervenes and tells us, “Now, say you’re sorry.” Half-hearted apologies ensue along with forced hugs and all is right in the world. But something changes as we age. Apologies are harder to come by and pain cuts deeper than a tug on the tail of the family pet. What are you supposed

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A Love So Deep, It Covers All Your Shame

By Amy Chumbley / Faith

“I would never….” We say this so confidently of ourselves and so judgmentally of others. “I would never lie to get what I want. I would never cheat on my spouse. I would never hit my child. I would never pad my pockets with money sent to the ministry. I would never drink and drive.” And yet you did. I did. If it wasn’t one of these things it was something else. Whatever your “never” was, it probably had the same effect on you as it did me: shame, hiding, and humiliation, along with regret, self-punishment, and hopelessness. I want to share a true story with you. It is one of hope, restoration, and redemption. I think it’s one we need to

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You're-a-Piece-of-Work,-But-There's-Grace-for-You

A Difficult Relationship With Your Mom Can Make You Stronger

By Gina Fox / Relationships

My family pictures portrayed happy people who appeared to get along, but this was not always the case. I was a sick child, but my parents were always there for me when I was in the hospital. They supported everything I did from ballet to playing tennis. My relationship with my mother really changed during my teenage years. My mother suffered from bipolar disorder, which was difficult for me to experience. We were able to tolerate each other, even though she was hypercritical of everything I did. However, as the years went on, we weren’t able to be in the same room together without a fight breaking out. She began to fight me on every decision I made because they were not

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