My algorithm knew I was in perimenopause before I did.
Or maybe I actually did know, but refused to accept that I had officially entered a phase that some dub the “second puberty” or “menopause’s chaotic little sister.”
But with each passing day, it seemed more ads would appear in all of my feeds and inboxes, marketing various oils, serums, supplements, vaginal sprays, and diets. Each one promised relief from the perimenopausal symptoms that had begun sprouting up one by one—much like the whiskers that were appearing on my chin. And even though I knew that perimenopause meant my body was transitioning towards menopause, I finally relented to talk to my doctor when my ears started itching (IYKYK).
She took a long look through my symptoms, ran some bloodwork, and quipped, “Yep. Welcome to perimenopause. It’s the decade-long roller coaster you didn’t stand in line to ride.”
Welcome to Perimenopause
Since receiving my unofficial welcome packet to perimenopause, I’ve discovered there are generally two ways many of us cope: humor and tears.
Most days, I can laugh off the itching ears, the deodorant that’s no longer effective, or the fact that it takes me eight times as long to get most things done now. Other days, tears seem to tag along through every activity of the day.
Perimenopause can make us feel like we’re losing our minds. Then a friend casually mentions that she raged because the grocery store ran out of her favorite cheese, or we catch some hilarious perimenopause content on IG and we remember we’re not alone. It’s both reassuring and refreshing to hear other women share with honesty. A friend of mine recently recounted the moment she realized her body was transitioning towards menopause:
“I was driving home from work one evening, and a man cut me off. I was so angry and wanted to cry, but instead, I slammed on my gas and tailgated him, raising my fist out the window until he pulled off to the side of the road. I had never seen myself behave like that before. That’s when I knew.”
What Happens In Perimenopause
Hearing my friend’s story reminded me that perimenopause isn’t just about a woman getting older or estrogen levels dropping. We can begin experiencing symptoms as early as our mid-30s. They often become more noticeable into our 40s when hormone fluctuations intensify.
Common symptoms can include:
- changes in menstrual cycles
- hot flashes and night sweats
- brain fog
- anxiety, irritability, and mood changes
- sleep disturbances
- achy joints
- weight changes
- digestive changes
- and more
Because hormones influence much more than reproduction—including our brains, bones, metabolism, sleep, and mood—it isn’t unusual to feel the effects in places that seem completely unrelated to our cycles.
2 Important Truths to Remember If You’re Experiencing Perimenopause
It’s no wonder many women find themselves wondering, “What is happening to me?”
Yet as hard as some of the days are, I try to remind myself of two truths:
1. It is a privilege to grow older.
I don’t mean that lightly. Yes, growing older comes with losses. Our bodies and energy levels change. Sometimes our reflection changes in ways we’re not quite ready for. But every gray hair, laugh line, and strange new symptom is also evidence that we’re still here. We’re living, and being given days.
2. There are ways we can support ourselves through perimenopause.
Not everything is out of our hands. There are many ways we can do this. Here are a few that have helped me:
Discuss HRT with a doctor
Treatment options, including hormone replacement therapy and certain supplements, may genuinely improve quality of life during this transition, but what works for one woman may do nothing for another. When I finally brought my own list of symptoms to my doctor (most of them Googled at 2 a.m.), she was upfront that this would be trial and error, and not a quick fix. Finding the right support often takes patience, experimentation, and grace–starting with a physician who looks at the full picture.
Take a pause and check in
Speaking of grace, many of us are noticing the ways our bodies seem to be asking for something different than they did in our 20s and 30s.
When we were younger, we might have easily pushed through fatigue, poor sleep, excess stress, or a packed schedule without noticing how those things were affecting us. But perimenopause has a way of getting our attention—as though the body starts yelling over a megaphone, “Nu-uh… we’re not doing that anymore!”
I caught myself snapping at my kid over something minor last week. When I stopped to ask what I actually needed, the answer was just water and 10 minutes alone. Taking a few intentional pauses throughout the day—even if it’s only a couple of deep breaths—can serve as a reminder to slow down and listen.
Questions that can help with this check-in include:
- Where am I carrying tension in my body right now?
- Am I hungry, tired, overwhelmed, or overstimulated?
- What do I need at this moment?
- What about this situation is bothering me?
- What would it look like to offer myself a little grace today?
Perimenopause may be teaching many of us something we have spent years forgetting: our bodies are not obstacles to overcome. They are worthy of our attention and care.
Redefine the Basics
Sleep, movement, and nourishment are obvious places to focus for added support–but I’ve had to redefine what that means during this season of my life. I used to think the only thing standing between me and feeling better was sheer willpower. Now I know it’s more complicated than that. Consistency and determination are part of it, but not all.
Sometimes there are physiological reasons why things feel different than they once did. Hormonal shifts can affect everything from sleep and stress resilience to digestion and energy levels. So the same eight hours of sleep, workout routine, or food choices may not deliver what they once did. That’s not a motivation issue. If you’re doing “all the right things” and still feel off, it might be worth having a conversation with your doctor about whether something else could be contributing to how you’re feeling.
I recently told a friend that perimenopause seems to be teaching me how to accept my limitations with more freedom than I once did. Maybe that’s one of the unexpected gifts of perimenopause. It teaches us greater acceptance.
Acceptance that we can no longer operate exactly the way we did in our 20s.
That our bodies are changing. That some habits no longer work for us. That nothing in life is frozen—we are all growing, changing, aging, and becoming.
And while perimenopause may be menopause’s chaotic little sister, it certainly isn’t the end of us. Mid-life can be a time of tremendous clarity, wisdom, freedom, and growth. Just as our bodies are changing, our priorities and values often evolve too.
There are beautiful insights waiting for us here.
So if you’ve recently discovered you’re on this roller coaster too, pull up a seat next to the rest of us. We’re riding it together.
